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My Realization
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It was the next morning that I called you to say that I would pick up Angie myself from your house since I was giving Hazel a few days off when you finally spoke with Angus. Knowing how well Kit was handling his cheating, I had no choice but to give pause and reflect even more on our past.
When I got to our house, or rather your house, you answered the door in a purple tank top that showed your well-defined arms and almost rendered me speechless. You always looked good in anything you wore though.
We discussed getting Angie into a private school and that we would check them out together. It was a civilized conversation. No it was more than civilized, it was friendly.
Angie kept us preoccupied with her puzzles before you put her in the high chair to give her some breakfast and I accepted your offer to make us some tea.
That’s when my onslaught of questions began, to get my confirmation of the facts according to Alice. You smiled shyly as you talked about her.
It surprised me that you had taken the initiative to learn sign language “to communicate with her better.” But it was totally you. Wanting to expand your horizons and take on something as challenging as learning sign language was definitely a Bette Porter move.
I felt my heart drop the more I thought about it though. Where was that initiative to better communicate with me when we were together? And we spoke the same goddamn language! I chased those selfish thoughts from my head. I needed to accept that you weren’t mine anymore. And you looked genuinely happy. I hadn’t seen you that happy in a long time. It did nothing to ease the sting that I was no longer the cause of that happiness.
And then you directed the conversation back to Jenny and her fucking story.
That’s when I had no choice but to voice my concerns. “Is that really what people think of me?”
You acted like I was crazy to think that was the truth. But when I reminded you of your own statements of a similar vein, you finally conceded that what we had was real, and for the first time since our acrimonious split, you acknowledged my love for you.
I wasn’t expecting such candidness from you. It felt like you were finally making peace with our past and moving on. I had to verbalize my reality, I couldn’t stop myself, you had to know that my love for you didn’t just stop or go away. It was never erased, even with all of the shit we put each other through.
You were my first. My first everything. How could I not still love you?
But when you told me you loved me too, I felt like I needed to say more and qualify my love for you. I know you didn’t mean that you loved me in the way that I still love you.
I promise you, I wasn’t looking for your physical comfort. And I would be lying if I told you I didn’t welcome it…enjoy it even. I did make a mistake. I finally saw it.
If Jodi hadn’t walked in when she did, I have no doubt that I would have tried to kiss you. I longed for your physical love again, no matter how much I tried to delude myself otherwise. You probably don’t care, but I never let Henry go down on me. I knew he could never be able to make me feel the way you use to. Had I let him try, it only would have served to remind me what I had given up by walking away from us.
God Bette, the look on your face when you saw her and immediately let go of me to greet her with gentle kisses. It was so hard to watch. Memories of being on the receiving end of that reaction from you came flooding back like a thousand tsunamis drowning me in regret.
Then as I watched her interact with our daughter, I knew this was for real. You belonged to her now. It was really over between you and me. There was no "you and me." My 11th hour confession was too little, too late.
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Thank you for treating us to another story. I like your other story very much.This story is so poignantly and beautifully written. It helps fill in the gaps that IC did not care to share with us. It is sad to see Tina hurt and vengeful and in trying to hurt Bette, she tortures herself instead. It is heartbreaking to see that jealousy helps to remind her of her lost love. I love to see what is the turning point that made her decide to claim Bette for her own during the stir-fry scene.
Interesting.
So heartbreaking. The aliens had returned the true Tina by then.
That was intense. You explained our T to a t. I’ll always maintain that S2 and S3 were a total disjoint from S1, but the way you explain Tina puts a lot of sense into S2/3. I’m so glad you’re posting here finally. The battle for Tibette should be fought on the Tina front, and we need heavy artillery there. LOL. I hope I’m not talking strange. Thank you for this post, meloveslu, more from you when you can.
Wow, great insight into “our girl.” Wonderful read. Please continue. Thanks for sharing.
Rare to read such insight about Tina from Tina.
Thank you for the story! Perfect inside into Tina, IMO. It’s sad to read it, though, that she still is not able or willing to forgive Bette her infidelity, which is in itself totally understandable, but since she can’t do that, she should not have acted the way she did towards Bette, like come back to her, but be so bitter and yes, as you said, resentful and then even vengeful towards her. Even now it looks that Tina resents Bette, thinking of her only as an A-type personality, always over-the-top etc. Can’t she really think of anything good about Bette? Except for her body, obviously, but a physical attraction should not lead her to another attempt to get together with Bette if there is nothing more that this and it seems there is not. Well, maybe some jealousy that Bette is now with someone else. But this can hardly be something to build a quality and sincere relationship on.
Excellent job! More please.
Great start.PPS
Welcome to this site! Thank you for bringing your writing here. This first offering was very well written, and had such great insight. Thanks again!
Very good start!!! Loved the insight on Tina. Thank you PPS
That was great and hope she and Bette will get back together soon!
nice to see you bring your stories here Mell, i know they will be welcomedxx jb xx
This story is so deep.. so good…
I’m glad I found it.. :-)
I think now, I will read all your others stories while waiting for an update of your redux story…
thank you for sharing your work.. :-)
Haha, thanks so much for reminding me of this story! It definitely needs some grammatical fixes, but I appreciate you taking the time to check out my previous stories. I was very proud of this one. It was my first story I posted on this site but the second one I attempted after PBH.
Hope you enjoy the others!
Just for you know…Now…I think I’m going to dig everything you had written… :-)
I love the L word so much…and love the relationship between Tina and Bette…
that’s why I always hate season 3 cos I thought Tina was too cruel to Bette..If only Bette found someone else but Jodi, I would love to see them together rather than let Bette with Tina again..and let Tina live in regret for all the mistake and cruel act towards Bette…
and your story…felt like kinda explain Tina’s regret for ever leaving the only person she ever loved.. :-)
once again..thank you for sharing all your work Mel.. ^_^
Hi! I read about what you think about s3 and how Tina was cruel to Bette and i wonder – do you think it was more cruel that what Bette doing to Tina in s1? Because maybe it’s not only Tina need to regret about s3, but Bette too about her choises in s1?
hi Zhenya..
Bette was the first person between them that made the mistake and hurt the other by cheating with Candace, no doubt about it. But Tina has been cruel to Bette since season 2.
first :
she got pregnant but she didn’t let Bette knew about it. She did the insemination before they split up, so in my opinion, it was Bette’s child also, but she made Bette had to beg to be in the child life, not fair.
second :
when Bette’s got fired, and couldn’t support the family, Tina acted like a jerk and kept complaining about money and how hard she had to work to bring food on the table. I think we never saw Bette complaining about money when she became solo provider in the family, right? i think when she did this, she had hurt Bette nature as the protector of her family and made her feel like a failure.
Third :
She also not just cheating on Bette but worst, she did it in their house, in their bedroom. and she had to rub it to Bette’s face about her desire of man. Being with a former straight woman, I think, it had always become Bette’s nightmare that someday her lover would go back to a man.
fourth :
She used their daughter as her last weapon to hurt Bette more than she already did by taking her right to be Angelica’s other mother. ( I know, it was trigger by Bette’s attempt to kidnap their daughter, but Tina forced desperate Bette to do so. she also had the blame).
as I said, if only, Bette girlfriend wasn’t Jodi, I would prefer to see Bette with a new girlfriend rather than see her went back to Tina. or at least, Tina had to feel like the biggest loser for letting Bette go first before they got back together.. :P
about your opinion of Bette also need to feel regret, I think she already regretted it since the beginning that’s why as a though badass woman she let Tina walked all over her and treated her like shit.
well..that’s only my opinion tho.. :-D
Ok, thanks for explanation. I always wonder why when Bette made mistake – most Tibetter where like “Yeah, she fucked up, but Tina needs to forgive her”, and when Tina made a mistake – “Tina a bitch, she needs to be punished”.
I disagree with it – i think they hurting each other in equivalent measure.
I agree with most of your reason, except pregnancy and i don’t understand part about cheating in their bedroom – if you about sex with Henry – it’s was not cheat, they broke up already before that (before Bette going to retreat). It was cruel, but not cheat (and we don’t really know if Bette knew about it)
Of course i can give you another example how Bette treat with Tina in s1 (how she been awful with her when they have dinner with Melvin in restaurant, how she forget about their meetin with Dr. Wilson when Tina got miscarriage and etc)
But my first point, why i think they even – it was Bette who fucked up first, if she’s not – the story with men never going to happen (i believe in it). Think about this – Bette not only cheated and desroyed 8 years of relationship, but when Tina left to Alice, Bette continue to fucking with Candance a few months. And only when she get tired fucking with Candance than she wanted to return to Tina. I’m sorry, how she said – “I can’t live without you” – Bette you understood this only after few months of fucking with your new lover?
So no, after this i don’t think Tina was too cruel to Bette in s2 and s3.
And this is my opinion :)
hemmm….my replied was gone.. :/
here i rewrite it again.. :-)
Nice explanation
“if you about sex with Henry – it’s was not cheat, they broke up already before that (before Bette going to retreat). It was cruel, but not cheat (and we don’t really know if Bette knew about it)” remember, you asked why the audience think that Tina is a bitch and she needs to be punished. Bette might not knew it, but audience knew it. That’s why audience said Tina is a bitch. Although i think Bette kinda got the picture when she saw from the window, Tina made out with Henry in their kitchen. And don’t forget about the web sex and she flirtted with Josh (her colleague). If she thinks kissing is cheating, then definitely web sex is cheating.
“how she’s been awful with her when they have dinner with Melvin in restaurant” Bette is daddy’s little girl. I think it’s a consequence Tina had to deal with when she started a relationship with daddy’s little girl. She would have to compete all the time with the dad. And the hard thing was, daddy never approved his little girl lifestyle so of course he would give Tina a hard time cos in his mind Tina was her little girl’s sin. Bette loves her dad very much and she tried so hard to gain her approval in her life (career or lifestyle), so she had her own dilemma between Melvin and Tina. Although at the end she finally managed to stand up to fight for the woman she love in front of her dad (if my memory serve me right)
“how she forget about their meetin with Dr. Wilson when Tina got miscarriage and etc)” when she did this, she didn’t do it on purpose. She was too wrapped up with her job that she tried so hard to keep in order to provide comfort/food for her family, in this case Tina and their future kid. We could see directly how sorry she was when she couldn’t get in time and hold Tina and gave her comfort when she found out about the misscariage. So basically, she gained the audience forgiven in an instant for this mistake.
“Bette not only cheated and desroyed 8 years of relationship, but when Tina left to Alice, Bette continue to fucking with Candance a few months. And only when she get tired fucking with Candance than she wanted to return to Tina. I’m sorry, how she said – “I can’t live without you” – Bette you understood this only after few months of fucking with your new lover?” I think, when Tina found out that Bette cheated on her, Bette thought that she had screwed up big time and she had lost Tina for good for her own mistake. And then she tried so hard to move on with her life and using Candace to help her continue with her life. Only then she found out that she would never be over of Tina she finally came back to Tina and asked for her forgiven. And when she did this, she really meant it. Audience could see how she tried so hard to win Tina back, with flowers, sweet and kind gesture, keep supporting Tina by help her finding a new place for her to live in (although she prefers Tina to stay with her in their house). While on Tina’s side, she said she wanted bette back in her life but she never really meant with what she said, judging her behaviour to Bette when she was jobless.
I could agree with you that they hurt each other. But the differences between Tina and Bette was, Bette had S2 and S3 to show the audience that she was sorry that she screwed things up. While Tina, I didn’t think she had a lot of chances to show her regret.
that’s my 2 cents of the movie.. :-D
Hi again! Your two commetns went to “Spam” (if you wanna restore them – Mel in her 45-th chapter of ‘Playin by heart” in authore nots gave instruction)
I want to comment your last part –
“I could agree with you that they hurt each other. But the differences between Tina and Bette was, Bette had S2 and S3 to show the audience that she was sorry that she screwed things up. While Tina, I didn’t think she had a lot of chances to show her regret.”
I think in s4 Tina gave expanation about this (when she talked with Kate in her trailer). Tina knew that she hurted Bette to much, but what was more important – she think that Bette move on, that she in love with Jodi and that Tina have not right interfere in it. Tina even tried to help Bette wins Jodi back, despite her own feelings.
So, what more unselfish – fight for your love, when you think she not love you back (like Bette in s2) or let your love be happy even not with you (like Tina in s4) – i think it’s open question.
Have a good day!)
hemm..it’s weird..cos from here, i couldn’t see my comment at all..
thanks for giving me a direction of how to fix the problem..
if we talked about selfish or unselfish…Tina won in that department.. I don’t have a case to argue about…hahahhaha….
but I think Bette got extra credit cos she never hesitate to make a fool out of herself of winning the love of the woman that she loved. that showed us how deep her love was.
it’s great to have this debate with you..
Have a good day for you too..
:-)