Dreaming With My Eyes Wide Open

I look at her. Yeah, she is the most beautiful girl, I’m sure. I’ve been sure for a while but I just wanted to make sure. Her smile makes me feel so amazing. Her touch makes me tremble and her voice just makes me think that I’m in heaven. Her personality is perfect, she is everything in one. I love her. She is my everything. She is my world.

She is my best friend.

She doesn’t know anything about my feelings towards her. She doesn’t know that every time I see her, my heart skips a beat, that I would kill to kiss her, hold her, and protect her from everything. That is my dream.

She doesn’t know I’m a lesbian.

I’ve known it since I’m 13. When I knew what lesbian meant, I knew that it was me. I like guys… just not as boyfriends. Ugh, just thinking about being with a man makes me feel sick. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a man hater or anything but there is just something about a woman that makes me find her so much more attractive than any man could ever be.

I’ve decided to do it.

I’ve decided to come out. The first person I want to tell is Tina. I mean, she knows everything about me so I figure she should be the first one I tell. I hope she’ll react okay. I hope she’ll still want to be my friend. I know she is straight so I have no chance whatsoever that I’ll ever be with her but knowing that, I still want to be her friend. Everything she can give me, I want to take.

“Bette!” The teacher said loudly and I tear my eyes away from Tina’s back and look at my teacher. “Would you please answer my question?” He asks, irritated.

“Err; can you repeat it, please?” I ask him and he lets out a frustrated sigh. I never pay any attention to the lesion when Tina is in the same classroom. It’s just impossible

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When we walk out of the classroom, Tina is laughing at me. “Oh, Ms. Porter, you never pay attention, do you?”

I smile at her. “Fuck off.” I say.