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    neon

    Story written on November 13, 2008 by ashtuck.
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    Number of Comments: 10
    Words: 2580
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=71624
    Author Notes:

    belena angst. slow down, before you burn away

     

    I start to move out of bed.  Tina turns this time.  Her eyes begin opening to me.

     

    “Where you going, babe?”

     

    “Um, Kit needs me to get her from Harlem.  I’m going to be gone for 30 minutes to an hour.”  I move out of the bed, but not before pecking her cherry colored lips.

     

    “Be careful, ok?”


    “I will.”  I pull on my twice worn jeans over my boxer shorts and grab my coat from the closet.  I kiss her once more, though she’s fallen back to sleep.

     

    Tina gives me what I’ve never had.  She gives me stability and she puts a sense of order in my life.

     

    I could never get that from Helena.

     

    You see, the thing is, I know that there are things bigger than me in Helena’s life.  There are things that are bigger than her.

     

    Cocaine is one of them.

     

    It wouldn’t be so bad if she weren’t the biggest thing in my life.

     

    ~

    Helena:

     

    I smile inwardly.  It’s not safe to smile in an area like this.  Hell, it’s not safe just to be here at this time of night.  I’m not an idiot though.  I have pepper spray.  Now, maybe that’s not enough, but I refuse to carry a real weapon.

     

    I’m smiling because Bette is on her way.  I know that she was probably in a nice deep sleep, more than likely cuddling with that woman.

     

    The blonde bimbo.

     

    Tina.

     

    Yet, she was on her way to me.  She got herself out of bed, away from the warmth of a woman, that I know cares for her deeply, to travel the cold streets to find me.

     

    She could continue telling herself that she didn’t care for me.  Her actions always say otherwise.  She works for my mother and she could easily tell her that I’m a junkie. She could get me disinherited and put out on the streets.

     

    But she loves me.

     

    I know she wants to hide me, but I know it’s not because she wants to be faithful.  Bette’s never been one to deny feelings for other women.  She’s hiding her past.

     

    See, Tina is safe.  Tina provides stability and strength for Bette.  God bless the woman, because every woman deserves someone like that, someone who can make her feel safe.

     

    I’m not that woman.

     

    I’m addicted to a few things.  I take my uppers before I crash on my downers.  I pop downers to bring me down from my uppers.  But I don’t need to take any of them, when she’s around.

     

    There is no drug that feels as good as she does.

     

    I could quit them all.  I’m sure of it, but what keeps me on them is Bette.  Bette will run to me when I need her.  When I’m strung out and I don’t know where I am, she’ll find me.  I don’t know how she does it.

     

    Some days, I wonder if she’s superwoman.

     

    I fear that if I quit, she won’t have a reason to look out for me.  She won’t have a reason to want me.  She’ll finally tell me what she really feels: that I’ve ruined her life.

     

    I miss the days before Tina.  I miss when I could easily come over to Bette’s place and stay the night, feeling the comfort and warmth of her arms and smelling the scent of her skin.  She’s the only way I feel real.

     

    I have to give it to Tina though.  She’s done wonders for Bette.

     

    I see her car pulling up.


    “Hey, beautiful.” I say through her open window.

     

    “Get in.”

     

    I scurry across the front of the car to get to the passenger side.

     

    I see the pain in her eyes and immediately, I want a fix.  It’s much easier to hurt others when you can’t feel pain.

     

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    Comments

    1. Hello My Beautiful Ash… the crashing of addiction is one of the most painful things to watch… the way it takes over the souls of those you love… and yet you still feel an unwavering need… to help… to fix them from their Fix… you have painted a portrait of both pain and love, the ugliness of life and its innate beauty… you my friend are completely amazing… oh and hehe… giggle giggle… ‘blond bimbo’ giggle giggle… love ya, JC (Latin Nephew to those Salsa Angels)

    2. Ash I am amazed at this story you just started on and it’s so vivid cause I can picture it just as I am reading it, the addiction they both have is immense can they save one another that is my question. Can’t wait for more ;)

    4. Oh my gosh, Ash. I saw that one “line” and smiled to myself. If this is what inspired you, all I can say that is I cannot take any credit for your astounding talent. This story is mysterious and make me want more. Laughs. Your writing flows with a such fluidity; I am in awe, sheer awe of your talent. (: I cannot wait to see where this story is going to go. (: Helena as a drug addict is as dark as Helena as an escort. (; Really really looking forward to your next update. (: PPS! Oh yes, and giggle-giggle to the blond bimbo. (; Cough. Have we dubbed a new nickname for Tina in BeLena stories? Laughs. ((:

    5. ummmmm…I edited! I ain’t gonna say what I was gonna say about addictions. But thank you, euni, for inspiring this story…! And thank you, ash, for writing this. I’m loving it so far. Wanna see where you go! Always love your juxtaposition of beautiful words! May I expect more soon? :) puhleeze?

    7. Poor Tina…..She is so misunderstood by the Belena fans…I promise to never refer to her as a blonde bimbo in any Belena I write. She is simply a color-challenged free-loving chick…Now about the story. It is really dark. I think even darker than Helena as an escort. So this Helena would give up her drugs for the biggest drug of all, Bette’s love. Interesting indeed. Another hit please.

    8. This Bette and Helena fan isn’t misunderstanding anything. I know that I like Bette and Helena and I don’t like Tina, and her hair color has nothing to do with it. So poor Helena is an addict, eh? Who wouldn’t be addicted to Bette? Interesting twist, that it is the drugs keeping them together, in a way, though not really. I can’t wait to read more.

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