Tina sighed as she glanced at the clock on her computer and saw that it was nearly two in the morning and she hadnt got much work done. It was two days after Tina had her heart to heart with Mimi and Tina still felt as confused as before, but at least she now had the mindset that she was ready to talk to Bette. These past two days had been extremely difficult for Tina and work alone was giving her enough to worry about so she had kind of pushed Bette to the back of her mind for the time being. Bette hadnt seemed to notice but Tina knew she could only let this go on for so long. She looked at the script in front of her one more time and scanned a few more pages on the computer version of it making a couple of changes here and there before she finally gave up and shut it off. She turned the lights off and went to her bedroom to get some sleep. Her bed was not empty however and Tina watched Bette sleep for a little bit before snuggling up to her and shutting her eyes. In the morning Tina was woken up by the smell of coffee coming from downstairs. It was Sunday morning and Tina knew Bette was probably preparing their usual routine of coffee and bagels with a newspaper on the side for reading enjoyment. This was something they had been doing for a long time and it was a comfortable routine that Tina often looked forward to when her workweek was particularly stressful. Tina got out of bed and brushed her teeth before going downstairs to greet Bette. Sure enough as Tina entered the kitchen she saw a plate of bagels, a cup of coffee, a newspaper and a note. Tina picked up the note curiously and smiled when she read it.

T

Heres the usual. Sorry I couldnt stay but I needed to get to the gallery early. How about dinner tonight at my place? I love you.

B

Simple, sweet, and direct. Just like Bette, thought Tina as she poured some cream and sugar into her coffee and took the paper outside. It was a gorgeous southern California morning and Tina felt the sun warm her body making her feel good and refreshed as she lazily spent the better part of the morning catching up on current events. Tina knew that if Bette went into the gallery early that she would probably be home around five or so which meant they could have an early dinner. Tina decided she would surprise Bette by making them dinner and then maybe they could finally talk. She liked this plan so Tina went back inside to get some work done before heading over to Bettes at four oclock. After showering and changing into a worn in pair of jeans and a black spaghetti strap tank top Tina headed over to Bettes with a bag full of groceries and began cooking. Just like clockwork Bette opened her door at five pm and was surprised to smell dinner being cooked and she walked into the kitchen with a smile on her face.

Hey I was supposed to do that.

Babe we both know you couldnt do THIS.

Bette laughed as she walked over to Tina and slid her arms around Tinas waist. Bette was glad to see Tina in a lighter mood and she hoped that whatever had been troubling Tina had come and gone so they could move on with their relationship. She didnt like not knowing how Tina felt, but Bette wasnt ready to get into another fight with Tina if she tried to break the ice again. Bette kissed Tinas cheek softly and whispered into her ear.

Maybe its better that waybesides I love when you cook.

Tina smiled and continued cutting the cucumbers for the salad. Tina knew that Bette liked to be pampered sometimes and she figured if they were going to have a deep conversation tonight, maybe a little pampering wouldnt hurt. Bette walked back to her bedroom to change and reappeared ten minutes later in a pair of beige lounge pants and a white tank top. Bette went over and flopped down on the couch as Tina checked everything and after seeing that dinner was almost ready she walked over and sat down near Bette. Bette looked at her and smiled but she didnt reach for her like she normally would since she still wasnt sure what was going on with Tina and she didnt want to scare her off. Tina noticed Bettes hesitation but she didnt dwell on it as she slid gracefully into Bettes lap and smiled up at her. Bette returned the loving smile and she bent down to kiss Tina on the lips. Tina felt the warmth spread through her body as Bettes lips touched hers and when Bettes hand started a slow trail down Tinas body she knew she had to stop this before things got out of hand and they didnt have their much needed conversation. Tina swiftly reached down and gently pulled on Bettes hand getting her to stop before she reached the waistline of Tinas jeans and Tina heard Bette sigh loudly. Tina sat up and looked down at Bette before going and checking on dinner and Bette stood up and walked out to her backyard. Tina didnt see Bette leave and when she turned back around she looked around in confusion since Bette had seemed to disappear. Tina saw the sliding glass door open and walked outside to find Bette sitting at the table on her patio staring at the sunset. Tina walked over to her and touched her shoulder gently but was surprised to see Bette pull away from her touch. Tina looked down at Bette with concern in her eyes and Tina could see that Bette was frustrated with something.

Babe? Whats wrong?

You tell me Tina.

What?

What is going on T? I dont get you nowadays. You say we need to talk so I try and you yell at me. Then I give you space but Im sure you feel like Im neglecting you again. I try and touch you and you shut me off completely. I dont get it. What am I supposed to do?

Tina looked down at Bette with anger and pain in her eyes. She had never meant for Bette to feel so lost in all this and while she may have consciously done those things, she knew she owed Bette an explanation for her irrational behavior. Tina sat down in the chair next to her and saw the tears in Bettes eyes.

Baby Im sorry. Its just thatwell Ive been really confused lately.

Confused about what Tina? What is it? Please tell me because I have no idea what is going on in your head these days.

Tina sighed as she braced herself for whatever was going to happen tonight. She hoped that if she was just honest with Bette that they could get past this, but seeing Bettes reaction already, she was not totally sure that was a reasonable expectation.

BetteI just

What T?

Baby I love you, you know that right?

Bette just nodded but didnt say anything as she waited for Tina to continue.

Well I guess Ive just had a lot on my mind lately. Ive been having these thoughts, these fears that have been getting to me.

Like what?

Like were trying too hard to make this work when we really should have toor that I dont knowmaybe Im expecting something that isnt there and might never beI dont know.

Bette was silent as she thought about what Tina had just said. Did she just say that she wasnt sure about US? What the ***** is she talking about? Bette looked at Tina for a long time before she spoke softly.

TinaI thought we went through this already. Why are you still having these thoughts?

Because theyre still there. Yes, we did talk about them but that didnt make them go away.

Well have they gone away now?

Bette

Tina looked away as she tried to figure out what to say to Bette. Maybe Im just scared. Maybe when Bette asked me to live with her it caused some sort of weird knee jerk reaction so Im trying to pick apart this relationship so that I dont have to face the next step. ***** I dont know. Tina sighed as she looked at Bette.

Bette Im sorry for being so confusing lately. I dont know where its coming from.

Answer my question Tare they gone?

No.

Bette looked away before slowly standing up. She looked down at Tina with tears in her eyes.

TinaI dont understand why youre having these fears and I dont know what else to do to make you see that I love you. If its not enough for youthen Im sorry too.

Bette went back inside leaving Tina to stare at the spot Bette had just been in. Tina was surprised that Bette hadnt gotten mad or lost her temperand she sure as ***** was shocked at what Bette had just said. Tina stood up and followed Bette into the house. Bette had walked to the bedroom and Tina cautiously opened the door to find Bette lying down on her back with one arm over her face. Tina went over and sat on the bed next to her.

Babelook at me.

Bette reluctantly removed her arm and looked up at Tina sadly.

BetteI know you love meand I love you too. My worries have nothing to do with that. Babe I am so in love with you that it scares me a little. Ive never known anything so powerful and so overwhelming and it takes my breath away every time I think about it. But latelyI just havent been feeling that and THAT is what is scaring me. I mean, honestly, do you still feel like that?

Bette sat up and looked at Tina with a sad smile on her face.

Tthe first time I saw youit was indescribable. It made me tingly

Tina laughed softly but Bette looked at her with a slightly hurt expression at Tinas reaction so Tina stopped laughing and took Bettes hand waiting for her to continue.

And Tinaevery time I see you I still get tingly. When I hold you or kiss you or make love to youmy heart stops for a few seconds almost as a reminder that I love you so much. When I fall asleep next to you and wake up beside youit always puts a smile on my face. So to answer your questionyes I do still feel like that. But it hurts knowing that you dont.

Tina had tears in her eyes as she listened to Bette pour her heart out and for the first time in a long time Tina felt her heart swell and beat faster just at the sight of Bette. It wasnt the lust filled animalistic feeling she sometimes gets when they make love, but instead, it was the kind of feeling that one gets when they realize theyve found their soul mate, their one true love. Tina knew that she never had doubts about her loving Bette but tonight just reaffirmed her love and affection for the woman sitting across from her. Tina reached out to Bette but Bette pushed her away.

Tina dont

Bettecome here

Tina reached out for her again and this time Bette let Tina pull her into her arms. Bette wrapped one arm around Tinas waist as Tina held her for a few minutes in silence before finally speaking.

BabeIm sorry. You do make me feel like thatbut sometimeswhen we fight or we dont get to see each other for a whileI just forget.

Tina you know how busy we arethat hasnt changed, weve always been like that.

I knowbut I guess since I fell in love with you Ive wanted to spend more and more time with you and as that time spent gets less and lessI guess it caused some sort of reverse reactionbut babyyou do still make me smile every time I see you.

Bette looked up at Tina with a smile on her face.

Every time huh? Even when Im being a total *****?

Well some smiles are for happy times and some are for irritating ones.

Bette laughed and Tina placed a kiss on her forehead. They laughed softly for a while before Bette turned to look at her again with a question mark written all over her face.

Tinado you really think we work too hard on this? Do you think were forcing something that isnt there?

No BetteI mean, sometimes it does feel like we are fighting an uphill battlebut I guess that happens in all relationships right?

Im sorry Tina

Bette its not your faultits both of usand its got so much more to do with other things than just you and me.

OkaywellstillIm sorry.

I know babeI know.

Bette leaned up to kiss Tina softly again before settling her head down in Tinas lap. Tina stoked her hair gently as she thought about their conversation. Well that was interesting. She opened up more than I would have thoughtbut againI wonder how long it will last? Oh well, who cares. I love this woman more than anything and I know she loves me too. For me, thats enough.