Hours later night had fallen and I was back in my room, blankly staring at the contents of my intake folder while Jenny paged through a book that was thicker than my head. I was starting to drift off when, as usual, Alice brought the entertainment, skidding in brandishing bags of puffy white marshmallow’s, a package of graham crackers, and a few chocolate bars.

“Bonfire time!!” She announced and I jumped out of bed, following her into the swirling dark air outside along with everybody else. I had changed back into my t-shirt, and most everyone was in pj’s or sweats, including a group of girls I had never seen before as we congregated around a small camp fire set up just behind our dorm building. The few picnic tables had already been claimed by the time we got there, and the scent of roasting hot dogs cut through the heavily treed area. Here the earth was soft and loose, clinging to my sneakers as I approached the only source of light in the almost perfect darkness.

Folding my arms over my chest I leaned against one of said trees and quietly observed the new world around me. I felt free, like a prisoner finally released from a sentence wrongly served. No caretakers hovered anxiously around me, rounding kids up like cattle to lead them from place to place, every minute of their lives structured and miserable. I couldn’t hear sirens, or gunshots, and as I looked up at the sky real stars twinkled down at me instead of airplane lights. I took a deep breath in, letting my eyelids drift down and trying not to let any movies of my memories play behind them. It was over, I wasn’t a foster kid anymore, no longer government property, and after this year I’d be free to live my life where and how I wanted. I could go back to Austin and look for Mom, maybe get a part time job at a salon, maybe even go to college…

“Here you go.” Dana handed me a s’more with a smile that I returned, biting into the hot perma-melting concoction. Warmth coursed through me as I stood there intermittently laughing at Alice’s impressions of my soon to be teachers and stuffing my face. Peace. It was an odd feeling.

“The new girl is staring at you.” Bette pointed out to me in a whisper, gesturing toward the edge of the grounds with the bottle of juice in her hand. I looked up and saw her sitting at the very last picnic table, surrounded by a group of happy girls, listening to but not really a part of their conversation. She dropped my gaze as soon as she caught it but it was too late. I stood straight, peeling myself off the tree and starting in her direction. I ducked behind branches, slipping like a shadow through the trunks. She got up and started back for the dorms but I cornered her in a little hollow by the back steps.

“Excuse me.” She tried to push past me but I didn’t budge.

“Why are you avoiding me?” I murmured, pulse pounding at how close she was to me. Someone had left a light on up on the second floor and the dingy golden rays floated down like a streetlight, gently outlining us both.

“I don’t even know you.” She replied coldly.

“…do you want to?” I asked, feeling reckless, feeling fearless. Nothing could touch me, I was on my own, and I’d never get returned again. Sent back to the Home because I hadn’t worked out. I was too quiet, I didn’t wanna play with the other kids…well now I played by my own rules.

“Can you please let me inside?” Her voice broke unexpectedly and I felt all my bravado vanish. I blinked. Was she…crying? All it took was a moment off guard for her to shove me aside and disappear through the door, gone again. I trudged back to the campfire, letting Alice enter me in a marshmallow roasting contest without protest. I lost, burning my little pillow of sugar to a crisp as I stared into the dancing flames, seeing her dark eyes.

tbc

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