‘Thanks. I love you,’ Carmen said when Shane had already started to walk off. Shane turned around and smiled. ‘I love you too.. okay one last kiss,’ Shane said rolling her eyes. Carmen giggled and grabbed Shane’s black wifebeater to pull her close.

The house was dark and empty by the time Carmen got home. ‘I could have had steamy sex instead,’ Carmen thought and she felt guilty for thinking it. She drank a glass of milk and walked upstairs to her room. She changed into her pyjamas which felt weird. With Shane she never wears pyjamas, they always sleep in their underwear or naked. There’s no need to, it’s more comfortable and they keep each other warm. She washed her face and brushed her teeth, then got into her bed. She stared at the gray walls, which were pink by daylight. This room used to be Laura’s, but when Laura moved out to live with her boyfriend she said Carmen could have her room because it was bigger. Carmen had loved the room but hated the pink. Too girly. Laura had told her not to act like a tomboy. Carmen grinned. She wasn’t a tomboy. She just wasn’t very girly either. No, if there’s one tomboy it had to be Shane. Carmen smiled at how weird it was, Shane reminded her sometimes of a little boy but at the same time she was a real, grownup woman. If she really thought about it, she had only ever dated or fell in love with girls. Shane wasn’t really a girl. But Shane wasn’t like anyone she had ever met.

When she came into the kitchen the next morning, her mother was drinking coffee at the kitchen table. ‘Carmen,’ her mother said. Her tone wasn’t as exciting as it normally was. Carmen walked over to her mother and gave her a quick one-armed hug. ‘Hi, mama’ she said as she turned to the fridge. She couldn’t look her mother in the eyes so she tried to keep herself busy. She grabbed some milk and poured it into a bowl. ‘Slept good last night?’ her mother asked. Carmen didn’t look up as she took a box of cereals out of one of the cabinets. ‘Great, and you?’ Carmen said, trying to act like she normally would, but she didn’t really know how to. These questions were so full of nothing, they never talked this way. But her mother seemed to realize that too and quickly moved on. ‘Good, yes. Listen Carmen..,’ her mother began. Carmen could feel her pulse quicken and her back was all of sudden really sweaty. She inhaled a deep breath. ‘Yes, mama?’ she said and she turned around, showing her a fake smile as she sat down in front of her mother. ‘I haven’t seen that much of you lately. And that’s okay, but I like to know what’s going on in my daughters life,’ her mother spoke, never breaking her eye contact with Carmen. Carmen avoided her eyes because she simply couldn’t lie to her mother if she’d look in them. ‘Nothing’s going on. Shane and Jenny are really wonderful people and I like spending time with them. You should get used to the fact that I’m not a little girl anymore mom,’ Carmen said trying to act nonchalant. ‘I know you’re not. That’s why I thought maybe something more was going on. Beside Shane and.. Jenny?’ her mother answered. ‘Yes, Shane and Jenny,’ Carmen said, her voice coming out a little more angry than she supposed to. ‘But if you say there’s not, I believe you Carmen,’ her mother said and she reached her hand out to hold Carmen’s. Carmen swallowed. She knew that her mother could always see through her, she picked up emotions even easier as Carmen did, but she really hoped that this time her mother would believe her. ‘There’s not,’ Carmen said as calmly as possible and she looked into her mother’s dark brown eyes. Her mother nodded understanding and squeezed her hand before picking up her cup of coffee again. Carmen let out a breath, too soft for her mother to hear, she didn’t know she was holding in.