After we graduated, we both moved to Los Angeles. Alice got a writing position at the LA Magazine and I landed a production assistant job at the Alphaville Studio. And then few years later, out of the blue, I had this revelation that I was gay. Just like Alice. Well, not exactly like Alice. She was an outgoing, party lesbian. I was the quiet, girl-next-door kind of lesbian, but I was a lesbian nonetheless.

I don’t know how it happened but one night I was out with Alice at the Planet, a local café that hosted gay and lesbian parties at night. I was watching all the women dancing and kissing and suddenly I realized I wanted to be one of them. I wanted to be kissed by another girl. This revelation changed my life.

Alice and her girlfriend Dana were happy for me. Alice kept telling me that she knew I was a lesbian all throughout the college but never mentioned anything so I could figure it out on my own. They threw a coming-out-of-the-closet party for me at the Planet. I met new friends. I had a lot of fun and really enjoyed myself.

For the first time in my life I finally knew who I was, I was free and really ready to fall in love. The problem was that there was nobody that I found attractive inside and out. Sure, there were plenty of hot, sexy, drop-dead-gorgeous, fuckable women but I was searching for love, not lust. I was searching for that rare connection that would immediately tell me that she was It. That she was The Special One. That she was my Soulmate. Yes, I did believe in soulmates.  

I had a few crushes but none seemed deep enough to forget about searching for love for the sake of getting laid. Of course, I dated and even I had a few flings. I mean, we all have needs and a human touch is always more satisfying than a battery-operated one. But I was searching for true intimacy and those few flings only provided a temporary release and brought more emptiness inside.

My friends tried to help and to cheer me up now and then, especially Alice, who insisted on setting me up on endless blind dates. Only a few of them progressed to a second date but none were promising enough to turn into anything even remotely resembling a relationship.