All attention turned to Shane.  “Shane?”  I question, unsure of the apology.  Was she confirming that she didn’t trust me or not.

“I didn’t call when I had my accident because you have looked so ill.  So tired.  I didn’t want to burden you.”  She whispered, upset at what she perceives as the reason for the apology.  “So I called Molly.  We have fun together, and I thought.  I thought that I was doing the right thing.  Letting you rest and all.”

She shook her head, punishing herself.  Shane is good at punishing herself, she really has to learn to give herself a break.  I love her far too much for her to blame herself for this.  “I’m sorry.”  She whispers again.

“Shane,”  I call, walking towards her.  “I thought…  I thought that you all learnt to live without me, and that you…  that no one trusted me.”  I say as I pull her into my arms.  “It’s not your fault.”

“Bells.”  Helena calls as she rested her hand on my back, startling me.  Where on Earth did she come from.  “We got by without you, we never replaced you.”

With that, all the tension left my body.  Helena managed to say exactly what I didn’t even know I needed to hear.  I was still wanted, and needed here…  God.  I didn’t alienate them after all.

“Bette, you are a good person.  No one here should doubt your friendship,”  Peggy said, looking straight at me, before she turned sharply to Kit “or your love for them.  You don’t owe us anything but to look after yourself.”  She finished, looking pointedly at Kit.  I don’t think I am the only one who is still annoyed by the events of the night before.

“Now, can we please here about this morning.”  She asked me, impatiently.  Peggy knows me, and probably realised I also started with the apology to get it out of the way.

“I, the doctor said.”  I start.

“Before you tell us Bette.”  Dana interrupts, “Whatever happens, we are in it together.”  When did shy Dana become so forceful?  It seems everytime I see her, she is stronger.  “I just… wanted…  you had to know that.”  She stammered to a finish, wringing her hands.  I hope she becomes comfortable with that side of herself soon.

“Thank you.”  I say with all of my heart.  I don’t know how else to acknowledge the sentiment.  Instead, I take a deep breath and close my eyes, like I am preparing to jump out of a plane.  “I have stage 3 Hodgkin’s Disease.”