“I love you Daddy,” I whispered.  Those words were not ones that we said often to each other.  It just made the moments they were uttered mean more.

Like a glass of water when parched in the desert.

That night, when I thought that the surprises had finished, my father engulfed me in his arms and cried his heart out.  He told me how afraid he was; deathly afraid of me being ill, of me dying.  Of his inability to help.

It was the first time I saw him cry.  The only times he did when I was sick.

I still have to call Daddy and tell him.

“Whatever you need.”  Shane told me, pulling my body into her arms.  I assume they moved beyond the stunned silent stage, but I just didn’t hear it, so lost I was in my own thoughts.

I smile in return, unable to form the words to express my gratitude.

“What happens now?”  Dana asks, distracting me from my hug with Shane so she can claim one of her own.
“We party,” I respond, loud enough for everyone to hear.  I don’t want this night to become a sombre pity fest where we discuss my illness in various different ways until we cry.  There would be plenty of nights for that in the future.

There were enough in the past.

Alice, in tears herself practically falls into my arms when Dana pulls back.  Alice is a woman of many masks, and its only here – in this moment – that she is really herself.  “It’s okay Al,” I whisper, well aware of the irony of comforting my friends.

I would need their comfort in the days ahead.

**********

After my announcement, and the well wishes from my friends, Peggy demanded that we should not discuss the cancer for the rest of the evening, instead we should enjoy ourselves, and we did.  At some point during the night, after countless shots, Alice pulled out my paystation and a game called “Sing Star”, I was ashamed to admit I never heard of it – so I agreed to play.  Not smart, as I thought the game was about making a Sing Star, rather then a quassi Karaoke.

Having Drunk Alice verses Slightly Sober Peggy was the most amusing moments of the night.  It bought laughter into what could have been a painful time…

Now all I need to do is call my dad.

Before I do that, I crawl out of my bed.  Well, technically it’s one of the spare rooms at Helena’s, but for as long as Helena has owned this place I have considered it my space, so much so that I had a fine-arts student paint a mural on my wall.

Helena was sure that he was going to be like Eldin and move into the house, and her life, without so much as an eyelid batting.  Sometimes I wonder is Helena spent anytime a way from the TV.

I look around the room for my discarded clothes.  Last night instead of getting changed I decided to sleep in the nude.  I didn’t intentionally do it because I know I wont be anymore… but the timing was remarkable.

I fiddle with my clothes a moment before I start to put on everything but the underwear.  Helena would understand, it’s the others that wont.  I’m not overly concerned wither way.  Now that I am dressed, I feel ready to face the rest of the world.

To face the phone call with a Ms Tina Kennard.  I need to get a start on this book before I couldn’t work anymore and I wanted to do it without telling Tina.