Bette jumped out of the car and grabbed a ticket from the valet attendant. As she walked into the lobby, she immediately spotted Tina standing in the bar area, looking up at the television as she sipped her Pellegrino. Seeing the mirror behind the concierge desk; Bette ran her fingers through her hair and gave her jacket a quick tug before throwing her shoulders back, and headin on in.

Tina, recognizing the swagger from the corner of her eye, turned and smiled as she struggled to swallow her last sip. Bette.

Bette: Am I late? I tried to get here as fast as I could. Have you been

No, no I was early. Youre right on time? Tina said, looking at her watch as if she couldnt believe it.

Bette: Oh thank god. So did you want to eat here? Because we could, well we could go somewhere.

Tina: Actually Bette, I dont have time to eat. I have to get back to the apartment.

Bettes confidence quickly diminished as she lowered herself into one of the chairs that had been scattered around the cocktail tables. Tina looked back at the television and said, Do you believe this? They want to cut educational spending again.

Bette looked at the television and said, Are you meeting Helena? Is that why you cant stay and have dinner?

Tina was still into the news as she let out a quick, Huh? before realizing what she was asked. She quickly turned her attention to Bette and pulled up one of the chairs, joining her. No, shes not at my apartment Bette. I told you, were taking a break. I, I just need to be alone right now. Everything is so confusing

Bette casually folded her hands in her lap as she attempted to conceal the excitement that lay just beneath the surface. Finally hearing the words escape from Tinas mouth, that Helena was out of the picture, even if it was just for now, was exactly what she had been waiting for. Tinas iron was hot and Bette was about strike, well, until.

Tina sat back and shook her head as her eyes scanned the ceiling.

Bette: Hey, hey are you okay? Whats wrong Tina?

She leaned forward, gently taking Tinas hand in hers, remembering line 12 from her notebook, (Act concerned, say her name forcefully but not too forcefully, be attentive yet compassionate to her mood swings, gently touch her hand as you lean in and make stern eye contact when you pretend to listen) Yep! T.O.E rocked!

Tina: Its just thatokay, I have to tell you something, and I dont want you to judge me, or get mad at me.

Bette forced a small gush of air out as she giggled. Get mad? Me? At you? Tina, of course I wont get mad at you. You can tell me anything. (Line 14-16, lie! only when it serves you of course)

Okay, Tina said, pulling her hand away from Bette as she stood. She began nervously pacing around as Bette braced herself for the worst.

Tina: First let me say that I didnt mean for it to happen. It just sort ofwell Bette, you understand what can happen in the heat of the moment. When you just cant control yourself no matter how hard you try and you end up giving in to your temptationseven though you know that you shouldnt do it, because its wrong Bette, its so wrong and hurtful and deceiving and low Bette, its low.

Bette: Uh huh, yeah, yeah, yeah, go on.

Tina: Wellokay, you promised you wouldnt get mad, so here goes. Bette, I gave Helena my (Bleep!)



Alice: Her (Bleep?) Tina gave Helena her

Bette: Her (Bleep) Do you believe this? HER (BLEEP) Alice!

Shane: Whoa

Dana: Okay, Im lost. Whats the big deal about Tina giving Helena her (Bleep)?

Shane threw her legs up on to the table and said, Cuz dont you see Dana, giving someone your (Bleep) is serious stuff.

Alice: No ***** its serious stuff. Dana, would you ever give up your (Bleep?)

Dana: ***** no!

Alice: Exactly! Okay, well, sorry Bette, but you have to get Tinas (Bleep) back for her. You cant allow Helena Peabody to keep Tinas (Bleep) at least not if you expect to ever really have Tina back completely.

Bette was walking in circles as she mumbled to herself.

Dana: How is she going to get Tinas (Bleep) back, Alice? I mean, isnt it Tinas (Bleep) to begin with? Cant Tina just take it back?

Bette: No, because that ***** ***** apparently refuses to give it back. And Tina must want me to get it back for her, I mean, why else would she tell me about it, right? This has to be a test.

Jenny: Okay, this might be a stupid question, but how exactly does one go about getting back a (Bleep?)

Dana: Good point!

Bette finally sat down and as her head hit the table, Shane said, Well, one could go and get it back if onesayknew where it was as she looked at Alice, who was twirling her hair around with one hand and feeling Danas leg under the table with the other.

Jenny: Yeah, one could, couldnt they?

Alice started to blush as she released Danas thigh and looked up to find the entire table staring at her. Okay, whatd I miss?


Everyone was seated in the living room as Alice paced around in front of them. She was deep in thought as Bette leaned over and whispered, This was probably the biggest ***** mistake, now that I think about it.

Shane: Just let her go through her process Bette. This is how she works.

Jenny: It usually doesnt take her this long.

Shane: Nah, this ones serious. Shes just being thorough.

Dana: Shes in her own world, look at her

Shane: Sometimes you have to leave this world to fully get a grasp of it Dana.

Dana: Okay, what the ***** does that mean? I mean really Shane; I cant even understand you anymore.

Jenny: That was pretty lame Shane.

Bette: I have to agree with the girls on this.

Just then, Alice threw her hands up and said, ENOUGH!

Everyone snapped to attention as Alice put her hands on her hips and began, Helena is keeping Tinas (Bleep) in Peggys downtown office.

Bette: What? I didnt tell you

Alice: Bette, you didnt have to my friend. Lets deduce, shall we? Jenny, can you get the lights please?

Jenny reached up and flicked off the lights as Alice continued.

Alice: Tinas had full access to Helenas apartment for the past 3 months, so it cant be there or Tina would have already taken her (Bleep) back. Its not in Helenas car because lets face it, Im sure those two spent more than a few hot nights in the back seat of.

Bette: We get the idea Alice!

Alice: Rightgotcha. Anyway, Helena didnt have it flown back to New York because if I had Tinas (Bleep) Id want it close. Know what Im sayin?

Bette: Yes Alice.

Alice: I knew you would. Bottom line people, the ***** is keeping it safe. Shes at the office all day, its gotta be there.

Jenny: Wow

Dana: Holy ***** Al.

Alice: Dane, youre the driver, Jenny, need you on the outside, Shane, Bette, youre on the inside with me. Oh and Bette, once weve located Tinas (Bleep) well go and get your lady back. Piece of cake people, cake!

Shane looked over and smiled at Bette as she said, Told ya. Bette just rolled her eyes and said, Fine! But Im choosing my own outfit for this one.

Alice: My only demand is that its black my friend. Lets keep it simple.

Jenny raised her hand and as Alice said, Yes Jenny? she said, Wow, so um, okay, why are we sitting in the dark?