OUT OF CONTROL chapter 23

            When Bette walked into the baby’s nursery she was astonished to see a finger painting above the crib. It made her smile wide as she picked up Angelica. Tina must have snuck the unlikely master piece out of the Center without Bette seeing her. It now sported a handsome beveled frame with the same finish as the baby’s furniture. It was a nice addition to the room.

            She walked into the bedroom with the baby in her arms. Tina was still asleep and gorgeous. The sun was shining through a gap in the curtains filtering along Tina’s supple skin. Bette climbed onto the bed carefully regaling the beauty before her. She leaned over slowly and kissed Tina below her ear letting her breath tease her skin. Bette felt Tina come awake, “Good morning, Baby. I saw you improved on my finger painting.”

            “Hi. I love your finger painting and I wanted Angelica to have it for a very long time”, Tina said stretching. “And who do we have here?” She said taking Angelica from Bette’s arms.

            “Are you happy?” Bette asked.

            “Ecstatic.”

            “That’s what I was going for.”

            “Are you?”

            “Beyond all reason”, Bette said. She paused took a deep breath then said quietly, “you were right.”

            Tina looked at Bette’s face then put the baby in the bassinet they kept near their bed. She knew Bette had been dreaming the night before and had been uncharacteristically restless the past few nights. Tina would lie awake looking after the woman she had pledged her life too. She didn’t try to wake her from her nightmares. Tina understood Bette was working everything out in her dreams. She was remembering. “What was I right about, baby?” She already knew the answer but she wanted Bette to say it out loud. Tina wanted Bette to be ready to talk.

            “Iit wasn’t an accidentwhen I wrecked my car.” It was barely above a whisper.

            “Can you tell me why?”  Tina asked gently coming up on an elbow.

            Bette nodded slowly but didn’t say anything for a few seconds, “I didn’t intend I didn’t plan it.” Bette stopped to gather her thoughts then began again, “after that meeting, II felt like I was tethered outside my body. I was lost. When I got into my car my heart was toreI started driving. I couldn’t think. I saw the red light…In that instant I wanted the pain to not be there. I took my foot off the breakI’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Bette said crying.