Shane was evidently crying on the other end and I could no longer help myself either. It just felt so overwhelming to know that we hadn’t lost her forever, all those pent up fears were washing over my tired bones and yet I couldn’t say or do anything else but listen to the sobs that echoed my own through the receiver. Shane seemed to pick up on this and told me she’d call everyone else and they’d be at the hospital first thing in the morning, she advised that for now I should head back to mine and get some rest for tomorrow. I knew she was right but I was too elevated to do such a thing. Instead I headed into the car park and scanned for my car, I got in the front seat, closed the door and just screamed. To this day I don’t really know why I reacted that way, it just seemed to be the only feasible thing to do, I had gone through every possible human emotion in the past few weeks that I had little left to do but let them out in a raw guttural manner and it helped.

I did take Shane up on the advice well into the early hours of the morning mainly because I’d exhausted myself again and my muscles longed for something other than a chair to rest on. I remember smiling to myself before I slept that night, things finally felt like they could work out, yes I knew that this maybe all Alice could do forever, and yet I did not entertain those thoughts for long as something told me she could and would do so much more. I’ve never been as religious as my family but I felt someone or something looking out for Alice, for us both and knew somehow everything would be alright.

I think the reality of the situation came flooding back the next morning whilst Bette, Tina, Shane and myself all gathered around Alice. She had not woken in the twenty minutes we had been at her bedside and the thought that she may not do so again shook me so much emotionally that I had to leave the room. All the positive feelings I’d felt just six hours ago meant nothing to me as I wept silently with my head in my hands. I was joined not a minute later by Bette who said nothing as she comforted me, pulling me into her close and shared my turmoil. I’d been so caught up in my own feelings that I had forgotten it was Bette that had known Alice the longest and although that doesn’t always count, it had meant something to both of them knowing they had created this dysfunctional at times, but wholly loving family unit we’d all become incorporated into. I whispered my apologies and she told me nothing need be said. I believed her strongly then and I am grateful now for her understanding, for as blunt and stubborn as Bette can be, deep down she has a heart of gold full of good intentions. When we both felt composed enough to rejoin the rest, we did. No one asked us where we’d been, I think they already knew but had the grace not to bring it up.

It took one more day before Alice opened her eyes again. I had been reading a David Sedaris book to her, knowing she fully appreciated his humour and often had read his work when we had been together. I had just finished having a talk with Lara after lunch together and found it to be a surprisingly civilised conversation. She had spoken with unanticipated eloquence and agreed that a separation was the right thing to do for both of us. After admitting that she had seen this coming but had been too afraid to acknowledge so she smiled at me, it was genuine and compassionate and although our relationship hadn’t exactly gone to plan, I felt keen to have her in my life. I only hoped that this would not conflict with the fact that Alice had re-entered it. I did not think it would be Lara I’d have to convince, that would have been a lot easier than trying to talk Alice round, however that was a hurdle I felt I’d deal with if the task arose.

I looked up from the paragraph in the chapter only to see Alice’s eyes connecting with mine once again. My smile must have been evident from a mile away as I tossed the book onto the bed and clambered up next to her, forgetting the uncomfortable feeling I would have been experiencing had this accident not have happened. I had begun to view her entirely differently. She was now this gift I was determined not to take for granted anymore and was prepared to fight for, even if it was just to have her as an acquaintance for I could never be happy having it any other way. I said hello to her and told her to blink twice if she could hear and understand what I was saying, she did as I asked. I was ecstatic. So much so that I told her I’d be back really quickly and kissed her on the forehead as I ran off to find a doctor and tell him the news that had uplifted my spirits once again.