When I meet up with the partner she is walking her dog. When I cut her throat the dog is silent. When her body hits the ground the dog cries a little. So do I. Washing blood out of clothes is not fun. I could go shopping and….and…and it all sounds like creative problems for inane solutions.

She matters not.

Cindy Ann Tucker she cries a lot at her lover’s funeral. I notice this chewing gum and watching through high powered binoculars. I watch her kneel and leave white flowers. I watch as they try to make her feel something other than what she feels. It doesn’t work. I follow her some more. She goes home and sits, from the warehouse across the road I can see directly into to her life. She has no shades really no curtains to hide anything. She is an open canvas and I read. She just sits and shakes her head, cries herself to sleep, wakes, wanders, showers, attempts to eat, to drink to sleep again, her phone rings, I listen, her mother wants to know what she can do, she asks why the police have not done their jobs, Cindy Ann Tucker defends, her mother tries to press, tries to love but it doesn’t work. She drinks to numb herself, she smells her lover’s clothes, she paces, she wanders towards the window, there is that predicable moment when I think she can see me but she can’t, she’s just looking past into nothing. It’s like this for days. I leave, shower…eat.

 Pavel wants me to kill her already. I say not yet. I go back and listen her phone it rings it’s her teammates. They give her time she says she can’t do it anymore, its just o painful of a reminder. She stops playing volleyball and I wait and I wait. Three months go by and I don’t kill her. I just watch and breathe and wait. She shops, she takes calls for odd jobs here and there, her old volleyball money keeps her alive, but she is dead on the inside and she doesn’t know why. She thinks she misses the dead girlfriend but it goes beyond that. Its more than just missing her, mourning her. Its more than just giving up on playing ball. Its something unbridled in her. And so she takes it out on the night.