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Planet Terror: Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Bette Porter
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“Now…” Bette added. “How are we going to find everyone? I’m sure they’re reached the other side by now, and they should have a day or two travel ahead of us at that.”
“Lara told me the co-ordinates they’d be sailing.” Shane looked casually through her pockets, finding a crumbled piece of paper stuffed deep in the breast pocket of her mangled shirt. “She used to be quite the sailing freak you know.”
“I never knew that!” Alice exclaimed, half thrilled that Shane was finding their way for them, and half annoyed that Lara hadn’t shared something from her past. “I suppose she and I need to start communicating better.” Her serious nod drew a bright smile from Bette.
“You do that.” Bette said happily. “you work on those communication skills! In the meantime, I’m going to be having mass amounts of sex with Helena..”
“What else will be new, my Warrior Slut!” Alice shouted as she ran for the boat. “Lez go lezbos! What are we waiting for?”
But when they got to shore, they couldn’t find a decent boat to travel in.
“Fuck it, let’s take this!” Bette said excitedly. An old weathered boat, complete with only one set of oars, which they quickly divided, would have to bring them where they needed to go. Bette threw things, encased in plastic bags, in ahead of her.
The three climbed into the rickety row boat, Shane up front, Bette in back, and began to paddle furiously. They were all sorta kinda superhuman, so they didn’t mind the fact that they had no food, no water, and would be paddling for days.
“uh oh! We have a leak!” Alice pointed out rather cheerfully. They were ten yards from the shore, and the boat was taking on lots of water. Alice began using a plastic cup, heaving water out as fast as she could.
“hehehehe.” Shane snickered. The boat was starting to sink, so they would have to come up with plan B. Nonetheless, they were in good spirits, even knee deep in water. “Sharks.” Shane added, pointing as two beautiful nurse sharks circled them. “awww, aren’t they cute!”
Bette tried her best to assess their situation with a clear head. “We should go back.” She decided. Then she saw a dark shape in the horizon.
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Hello HB, I do think that B**ch slap is a Facebook thingy, happens to me all the time :P, haven’t said this before but you write the absolute best summaries, they alone should be driving on the readers, meh… I absolutely love this story, it is just so crazy and viral, and who new the boat would spring a leak, I can just picture Al sitting there with a little cup scooping out water… and Shane’s reaction to the nurse sharks is just charming… like I’ve faced infected… killed people… almost died a hundred times what are a couple sharks going to do… cute :P… hehe I abso-frakin loving this story. Sincerely, JC
Love this story….love it, love it, love it…i absolutely loved it…loved it…did i say i loved it? pps
Nurse sharks are relatively benign. What if Jenny and her raft were to encounter a great white shark? I expect Jenny would come out on top.
rufus…you always give me the BEST story ideas…i shall write a scene, pondering that very question: jenny versus the shark. kinda like the zombie versus the shark scene in Zombie?
*waving* I’m still here hb!! I told ya, I read all! Well almost all. So,I want to know how they kept Alice around when she was infected. Didn’t she try to like, chaw on them? With or without their consent? Hurray, Bette the Wonderful has discovered the cure, now if they can only find a boat..and did I miss who the three women are? Not three women and a baby?…which even if they were zombiefied would be less sickening than three men and a baby..that was a pretty stupid movie! Except I do like Tom Selleck. I do really hope that the mass amounts of sex Bette and Helena are going to have are very soon in our future, and also the one with Amelia even sooner, dear hb!
The more and more I read this story the more interesting it gets. Like who’s in the helicopter, who’s on the beach, did Helena and family make it to shore ok? So I guess I’ll be tuning in for your next update on this story. Great update!
Yeah, Plan B. Cause they clearly thought Plan A through completely. Ah HB, only you would turn Bette and Shane (we’ll excuse Alice this time-she’s been a little “out of it” lately) into utter morons on this crucial point of escape. Couldn’t Shane have kept one eye open for a boat while she minded Alice? So all they have is lot’s of nonpotable water and a potential cure. Genius! HB have you brought “the 3 Wise Women” following a star just in time for Christmas? Just as long as that annoying drummer boy doesn’t show up to wake Chamomile with his parumpapumpahs. Hoping that’s Helena and/or Peggy in the Helebettecopter, and that you won’t allow real life concerns to delay your posting the answer to these and many other dire questions.
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