Dana had been living with the knowledge that she had breast cancer for several days before the surgery was scheduled. Having gone through this life changing event on her own had finally taken an emotional toll. She broke down. The discovery, the biopsy, the diagnosis, discussing the treatment options, making decisions and finally scheduling the surgery had all been too much to bear.

Though the physical symptoms of the disease weren’t visible on the outside; internally they were wreaking havoc with Dana’s body and her emotional state. The emotional symptoms just as devastating as the physical ones were not easily treated. The doctor couldn’t prescribe a pill or suggest a remedy for the type of pain she was suffering. Dr. Shapiro had suggested counseling and a breast cancer support group. Dana had refused help even though he’d pointed out that they would make a profound difference in her comfort and ability to deal with the cancer.

Everyone reacts differently when faced with life-altering circumstances. Some employ healthy coping mechanisms to handle things while others just can’t bring themselves to act. On the surface Dana appeared as if she was in control but she wasn’t. She wasn’t sleeping, she wasn’t eating and she couldn’t stop crying.

Dana’s initial reaction to the diagnosis could be classified as disassociative; almost like an out of body experience; like it was happening to someone else. She listened calmly to what Dr. Shapiro told her. She asked him if he was sure of the diagnosis. She accepted his affirmation then asked him to tell her what she needed to do. She heard the options and made a rash decision to have the more radical of the two treatments; a mastectomy. When he asked could he call someone for her; a friend or family member, she said no she would do this alone. She resigned herself to her fate seemingly without emotion.

“No I don’t want to wait … I want it off; I want it off now”

It wasn’t until she left Dr. Shapiro’s office that reality started to set in. She became angry. She was angry at her disease, at herself, at whatever deity was controlling her fate. But the anger had no place to go so she focused it on the one closest to her; the woman she shared her life with.