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Posthumous Wisdom (25)
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Try as I might though, I seem unable to fight off this insomnia which plagues me between about four and six a.m. each day. For nights on end I would lie there, my body exhausted but my mind unwilling to succumb to sleep. Then one night, when I woke up again at four a.m. and stared at the clock it occurred to me that in this weird new sleep routine that I have perhaps theses are two hours of the day when I am awake, that I should be grateful for and embrace. It seemed natural therefore that when I decided to do this that this is the time I would use to do it.
As a result of all that, I now find myself at four a.m. writing you this letter. Ironic isn’t it? It was a moment at this time of day that set the ball in motion for our relationship to change into the best it ever was and subsequently the worst.
My God Alice, my love for you is so simple really but I’ve made it all so complicated. I have thought often of that first day we met. I was so excited that anyone would even consider publishing an article about my burgeoning tennis career. Yet as always, any positive emotion I had in those days was tempered by the constant fear in the pit of my stomach that somehow my big secret would get out. Considering I hadn’t so much as kissed another woman for about four years prior to meeting you, I’m not quite sure why I was so frightened, but I was. So, there I was, utterly on edge and then I saw you. I’m not saying it was love at first sight or anything, because let’s face it I was too dense to realise it even if I felt it back then, but the only word I can use to describe it was that you were mesmerising.
I sat there thinking shit, she’s so hot, she’s so beautiful, she’s so smart and I can’t take my eyes off her. As you soon learnt, in those days my gaydar was pretty much non-existent – you guys managed to tune it up a bit in the last few years, although I still thinks it’s pretty faulty. Anyway, in possession of said non-functioning detection system, as you sat across from me and started the interview the idea that you were anything other than a straight girl never even crossed my mind. When you insinuated that I was gay, I think that was part of my panic, not only was I terrified of people finding out about me, I was equally unnerved by the fact that you sat before me as an example of what my life could be – the kind of people it could contain. You know better than anyone else what happened next, I did what I was good at in those days, I got defensive and I ran. It’s taken me a very long time to learn that running from Alice Pieszecki doesn’t work for me.
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I am speechless. It doesn’t happen often. This was SOOOOOO emotional. Your writing was straight from the depth of your heart, and you could feel it with each word you put down. Thanks so much for sharing your talent with the site. I wonder what Alice will do when she reads that? Post Soon.
Crap. You almost have me in tears, here — and I am not someone who cries easily. What an amazing letter. You did a great job with this. I can see where you might have been nervous posting since it is such an important part of the story. Seriously — you did some amazing writing here with a tough subject. Love that you added the letter to Lara — what a great touch to think that Dana may have had something unfinished to say to her, too. This story is really beautiful. Thank you so much for the update! I am looking forward to the next chapter.
TOTALLY speechless…wow.. tears…sighs
Bravo! Totally and utterly heartrending! 2nd page 3rd paragraph did me in caused unfortunately the love declaration was a day too late and a dime too short. D was gone. Sigh! wonderingaloud, this letter is one of the Danish all time best I have ever read. It took my breathe away. “Contemplating ending this letter consumes me with terror. Saying goodbye to you is the thing I fear most.” I thank you for setting the record straight for A letting A know that without her, D’s life could never be complete. And the last paragraph brought tears to my eyes. I can only guess what A must have felt after reading this. Can’t wait to read more. Thank you for your amazing update.
Okay, I officially quit fanfic. This is absolutely incredible and I really think nothing else can ever match it. You’re amazing.
Beautiful, tears, seriously wonderfully written! It makes me miss Dana so much. PPS and Muted you better not quit!
I’ll be honest. I’m an idoit. I put on the Dana and Alice break up song and read this. I started to cry like a baby. This story is so incredibly true to form. I wanted to thank you for writing this. And giving us all a slight restful peiece of mind. It is so intune with the way the characters are. I could see this actually happening
Sorry, wounderingaloud, but I need to response to MT. MT: You cannot be serious. You are Danish Yoda. And you have 2 outstanding stories going. I plead that you get that idea out of your head. You may take a break but please do not leave us hanging. Pleassseeee?!!!!!
That was just beautiful
And didn’t Tina do the same thing? Run from the challenge of loving Bette to Henry? Perhaps Bette has done that as well by being with Jodi. How much damage we do when we fear risk; how much we lose. Thanks so much for this beautiful piece.
I meant to comment after the previous chapter that it seemed wrong to me for Dana to leave all these letters for the gang, including latecomers like Max and Helena, but to not leave one for Lara. Clearly, you’ve got all this worked out. I’m gonna sit back now and continue enjoying the ride…
okay wow…..obviously I’m a Shane fan first, then Sharmen. I don’t read much after that unless the above is featured..but that said your writing is effin…not enough adjectives to explain it. I.C said that Dana succuming to cancer was how the storyline naturally progressed which I feel is bullshit. In this day and age showing someone fighting through it over a couple of seasons and showing hope is more natural then having someone pass in less than 8 episodes is not.. I want to say truthful but it is a hideous disease but death is the automatic outcome…After all that rambling I just wanted to say that your story really makes me miss S1 and the Alice/Dana/Shane friendship…the ties that bind.
crap need to read before I send comment…left out the not in automatic outcome….death is not the automatic outcome
This letter was absolutely beautiful. Alice has to feel all the love Dana had for her after reading this. You have put Dana in a light I had not considered before and I am just floored by her wisdom. You are truly a great writer!
I wish I had a better English to describe what I really feel reading your posts. You had me in tears a couple of time and I usually don’t cry. I think it’s because I just love it and I think this is the right end at least IC should have given us. So thank you sooo much and ppsps: I agree with aeva81, MT don’t even think about that ;)
beautiful. This is incredibly brilliant. You deserve the praise wonderingaloud, take it. I was wondering when I’d see your posts again. I check everyday to see if you’re back, I miss frip too, and MT, please don’t even think of leaving us. Wondering aloud, I know I say this often but you are awesome. I kept holding my breathe unconsciously, this is that good. Thanks for choosing posting rather than reading. I mean reading’s good, but oh well, you know what I mean. hehe. Thanks again. PPS:D I hope your internet connection goes back to normal again. peace n thanks -S