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Posthumous Wisdom (33)
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“I, uh, well, uh…”
“I love you too Bette”
This time it was Bette’s lips that curled upwards as her eyes sparkled, however she tempered her reaction as she looked earnestly at the blonde and ventured,
“I’ve learnt the hard way that it’s not enough.”
Tina looked at the complex woman before her. Outwardly so confident and composed but behind that exterior was the vulnerable human-being who she had come to know and love. The person who, when things got too difficult retreated from them and deprived herself of opportunities rather than risk her fragile heart.
“You’re right, it’s not but it’s a good place to start.”
“Start what?”
“I don’t know, we need to talk about that.”
The statement allowed for a natural pause in the conversation. There was no impetus on either party to say anything further and both relaxed back into their seats and became momentarily lost in their own thoughts. Eventually the silence was broken.
“There’s so much we’ve never talked about. I know mostly that’s my fault. I ran away from the big conversations. I convinced myself that somehow if we didn’t talk about the things that were wrong, if we didn’t acknowledge them, then they weren’t real. The truth is it only made them bigger. It made them things we had to face alone as individuals instead of together. It meant that I could let myself believe things that probably weren’t true.”
“Like what?”
“What we were saying before about that night when we brought that man home. We’d been struggling before that for so long, I was sure that you were falling out of love with me, that you didn’t find me attractive any more. When you were pregnant I used to wonder sometimes if you were settling – a trade off of sorts. I knew you wanted a baby more than anything, I worried that perhaps you were staying with me because of the baby not because you wanted to be with me. I twisted that in my head so that I started doubting if I loved you. I think in reality what I was doing in a warped way was trying to protect myself. If I could fall out of love with you first then I wouldn’t be the one to get hurt. God it sounds so awful when I say it aloud. It’s not like I was conscious that’s what I was doing, but looking back now I think it probably was.”
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I am glad to see the letter did the job for these two. B & T deserved another chance to give their relationship another try. Boy oh boy, you sure now how to keep the suspense. Can’t wait till your next post. I haven’t changed my mind. I am still betting on the medal. Thank you wonderingaloud!
Cool chapter, I’m sure the Tibette fans will be stoked…I’ll just wait over here patiently like a good girl giving my best puppydog eyes shining bright with hope lol :)
Very well written on the Bette and tina part. I alaways loved Bette. BUt tina is at her best when she is with Bette. I STILL WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS IN THAT BOX. I love the story keep up the great work
Hey wonder, I’m speechless and at some moments during the letters you had me in tears. You just captured all the emotions and feelings so well….All I can say for now is WOW!! Can’t wait for the rest. Thx
Have I mentioned that I love this story? And that you do a fantastic job every chapter? Just checking. I’m glad Bette and Tina have finally got it all out there, and that they’re going to try again. That couldn’t have gone better, really. Great stuff, and I’m eager for the next post from you, wa. Thanks
I’m so freakin tickled that i’m teary eyed,lol, that bette finally opened up to tina. amazing!! i know tina was always capable of talking, but she had always fight with bette to get her to open up!!!answers i kow they still have more talking they need to completely clear the air and leave the past in the past and start fresh not start over, start fresh! :)
Another excellent chapter, wonderingaloud! Incredibly well-written — you captured all the emotions so well. I am a Danish shipper (in case you didn’t know), but, I love how you are writing the Bette/Tina relationship. Thanks so much for the update!
oh goody!!!I love B and T… sweet, I hope they sort it out. ahhh love it
The last chapter with Alice and Tasha, then this chapter with Bette and Tina…you are truly at the top of your game with this story. Your writing is so powerful! Thanks!
This is so well-written. It is alwys a pleasure to read carefully thought out explanations of B&T’s hopes and fears.
Yes, Dana’s letters to Bette and Tina did what she intended they made two stubborn women think and then talk to one another. This chapter was wonderful!