I needed a shower. I didn’t smell like me at all. I walked into her bathroom and it was marble and gold and very spacious. I hit the water and I smelled her soaps, and shampoo’s and just got clean.  I was dressed and suddenly in a deep fear. I was losing my identity with her. I could hear my inner voice changing becoming more refined and elegant. Maybe it was all this money or maybe having spent the whole night and part of the day with her had aged me. Either way I needed to get away from this. Like a flood with a house attached to it….it all came back, the stalking, the not having a home, the idea that I had to keep working. Those hours spent with Carmen only slowed everything.

The clock was ticking. I called for a cab but I didn’t really know the address so I hung up. I left the room and wandered to the main gate. The guard they had posted informed me that I could take any car I wished as per Bruce’s orders. So I took the Audi QT.

Took me a while to get back to L.A and the first order of business was to find out what was up with my place. I went down to the police station to find out that Old Mrs. Healy fell asleep with her cigarette on and the rest is history, did I have insurance? No. well sorry….

Then it was off to Dana’s for some lecturing about what a colossal mistake it was to get it on with a co-star. “How did you know? I asked her. She didn’t till I asked her. She had a suspicion….and my asking only confirmed it. I left not wanting to hear her warnings, her disapproval or her jealousy. I didn’t care what she had to say about it.

Next stop work…..

 Lunch with Mark and Alice on the set. Sympathy and everything under the sun from both of them. Carmen was wrong Alice did have a plan for the film and I wound up spending the whole afternoon reading story boards and then there she was outside my trailer. I knew she was on the set. I saw her floating around talking with cast members saw her at lunch but we didn’t acknowledge each other. I was busting to talk to her, to smell her, to crash into her warm body. After a while what I was doing was no longer relevant. After a while she wandered over to my trailer. I was outside smoking a cigarette. She couldn’t hide her smile. And I didn’t want her to. We walked inside and I didn’t care if the cast and crew knew something. Carmen….she didn’t care either. We walked in and as soon as the door closed behind us where on each other. Possessive kisses that slow burn of her grinding herself on me. I had to push her away. Why I had to? I didn’t really know.