To stroke and kiss deeper. 

With passion and want.      

Tina snapped back to the present.  “No.  I don’t want you to apologize.” 

“Then why are you avoiding me?”  She was exasperated although the one who called could sense the attempt to control a smoldering discontent. 

“I just…”

‘She just what?’ Bette thought.  There was only so much of this she could tolerate. Unless … was she sorry?  Was Tina unhappy? 

Carefully, she stumbled and squeezed a question through tight lips,  “Do you – do you want to apologize?”

“No Bette,” immediately the blonde countered boldly, “No I don’t want you to say you’re sorry we shared a special moment and I don’t want to either.” 

There was little if no remorse from her side and she certainly wished this true of Bette’s as well.  The one who initiated this conversation paced the length of her bedroom.  For a moment their connection faltered but the quiet allowed Tina to contemplate what to say next.

“Bette I wanted it so much.” She let that absorb before saying wistfully, “It’s all I can think about and the only thing I want to remember.”

Through the phone she heard her counterpart move.  Tina pictured her walking through the house.  She closed her eyes and saw Bette sit on the sofa adjacent to the window by the front door.  This particular spot served as the area to read and rest her weary legs during their first pregnancy.  Where Bette would sit to rub the ache in her feet and worries on her mind away.

“I thought we were over,” Bette exhaled in disbelief.  “You’re dating aren’t you?”

That was true.  She was dating but that meant little if nothing.

“I’m alone.”

“But what about – “

Tina interrupted gently, “nice enough but…”

Helena, Josh, Henry, Kate, Brenda and the one or two others she saw but once.  They were all convenient distractions and nothing more.  To help forget the pain and loss.  To dull the ache for what she missed, at times took for granted and no longer had because of multiple events that led to the present.  At the same time, interaction with each reminded Tina of precisely what her search was about.  That it was no illusion.  

What she had …with Bette.  What they had was real. 

“I’m alone – but that’s not the reason why there isn’t an ounce of me that wants to take back what happened the other night.”

Bette resolved to clarify, “Were we just taken by the moment?”

1/207

…Just kidding 1 of 2

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