–

“Can we talk?”

Bette looked up from the article she was studying – the research and analysis were quite intriguing centering on Middle Eastern art.  For once in what seemed like months the brunette’s mind was fully engaged instead of internally collapsing to the despair that otherwise worried her. 

That is, until Tina’s foreboding question.  Based on recent experience Tina wanting to talk meant something unfavorable was about to be discussed or disclosed so she steeled her core.

Although what could be worse than the night the younger woman all but admitted her thoughts were no longer wedded to their union?  That her feelings had shifted from Bette to someone else?  Whether the idea of someone or a particular individual all hope she held for their relationship swiftly ebbed away. 

Indeed it hurt but as each day passed the defeat somehow evolved into a level of acceptance.

"What is it?”  For all the years they had been together, Tina could not read anything from Bette’s bland answer.

“This morning – " Tina looked at the vicinity of her counterpart’s feet though her gaze wasn’t focused on anything really.  She contemplated how things played out. 

The once again dynamic studio executive was rushing out the door while being watched by her companion.  While grasping a cup the seated woman requested the blonde find her answers.  As a last resort Bette advised Tina to do what she wanted and figure things out.  Also, whether appropriate or not any promises were withheld.  

“Yes? What about it?”

“Please don’t be like this.”

“Like what exactly?”

Impartial.  Practical.  Impenetrable.

“I want us to talk about this,” Tina almost pleaded.

Bette challenged though gently, “So let’s talk Tina…”

“I don’t know what I want.”

The women silently locked gazes.  A lamp behind Bette’s left ear afforded cover to dark eyes that glistened for a moment before feelings were stifled.  She had already been vulnerable for too long and simply couldn’t bear to be crushed yet again.

“And what do you want me to say?”

“Nothing.  I just – ” Raised hands with palms up expressed uncertainty.

Bette admitted softly, “Tina, I can’t help you with this.”

Tina knew what Bette wanted.  She admitted to it all quite clearly in fact.

If possible then Bette would change everything so Tina would want what she herself longed for.  Their things whether shared or individually owned; everything that surrounded them.  Moreover to want their lives back.  To be able to kiss Angelica goodnight.  To kiss and love ‘her’ any time of day. 

For Tina to want her.  Only her.

“I don’t want to hurt you." Tina’s voice even in whisper broke.

Bette wanted to say that it was too late.  That her heart was already shattered.  That she knew Tina didn’t feel towards her the way a life partner should. 

Again the brunette had to hold the tears at bay.  Bette’s chest tightened with emotion.  The realization that spread throughout felt like it incinerated and almost rendered her immobile.  This otherwise strong individual was humbled by an adversary that didn’t allow an inch of room to mount a defense. 

Tina did not love her anymore.

Time had the vigor to test any bond that required intimate care.  She too had felt this way right before her ill-fated affair but the confusion soon lifted.  But this time, this test pointed to something severely permanent. 

Bette collected herself and spoke though her throat was constricted.  Even if the brunette wanted to look away she somehow found the fortitude to maintain eye contact.  “You should concentrate on finding what and…and who will make you happy.”

Tina searched her gaze. She recognized Bette’s look yet there was also something in the darker woman’s eyes she couldn’t interpret.  When her comapnion moved to look up she lost this connection completely.

“I – Bette I’m sorry.”

There wasn’t much left to say and the silence between them said everything on their behalf. 

"I know,"  Bette answered quietly. “Me too.”

–