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Remember Who You Are 6
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Bette’s eyes welled up and Tina could hear the tremor in her voice, but her instincts were to stay quiet. To wait. To be present. She rubbed Bette’s back gently to comfort her and waited, playing with strands of her hair. And waited some more. Then Bette spoke again.
“I don’t remember feeling anything for years after she left. Years, Tee. Nothing I could put a name to anyway. It just…there was…this void. I was numb. The movies my friends watched weren’t funny or sad or “dreamy”, they just were. I couldn’t feel. Food tasted bland, I felt like I was walking around in this curious fog, coating me and shielding me from my feelings, my emotions. Nothing could get to me. Nothing could touch me. My father thought I was fine because I stopped crying. That’s my strong girl he would tell me. That’s my strong girl….” She sighed and snuggled in closer to Tina, her arm tighter around her waist.
“This is around the time I started really painting, drawing… I could always put my feelings into my drawings…but I couldn’t show them to anyone. My Mama used to love my paintings and encouraged me but these, these… were raw, sad…angry. One day I will show them to you, if…if, I mean if you want…” Tina was surprised, she had no idea Bette still had her art from when she was a child.
“I do…” Tina whispered, quietly. She did not want to break the spell.
Bette swallowed and reached up with their joined hands and wiped her nose and cheeks with the back of her hand. She was silent again and Tina stayed silent too, sensing Bette needed the quiet. She rubbed Bette’s back and willed her to keep talking. Please, Baby… keep talking to me…
“My Mama…Tee, she … didn’t spend a lot of time with me when she lived with us… but the house felt different with her in it all the same. It felt…softer, warmer… safe. And there were times Tee, oh there were some great times. She loved to dance, my mama. She was so graceful. Loved to sing and bake. She didn’t cook much but she could bake the best key lime pie you ever had. Sometimes she would pull it out of the oven and give me the first slice, before everyone else got home… before dinner even.” Bette looked up at Tina then, sitting up so they could look at each other. Her nose was red, her eyes sad and drawn.
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Wow BK,
That was a very emotional chapter. This chapter gave us a picture of Bette and her difficulties in communicating openly and honestly and why she had the affair.
In her youth she learned to keep her feelings for herself and to be the strong girl her father was proud of. It is downright sad that at one point her mother’s abuse was the only way she felt she existed and received the attention she needed as a little girl. And I understand very well her feelings and fear of being abandoned, which is what her mother, Kit and also Tina, although understandable after her affair, did in the end. Her father was a man who thought only of herself and aloof and
was cold, unable to give the love and attention she needed.
I am so happy that Bette finally talks to Tina and that way Tina also shows what it did to her inside when she separated herself from Bette emotionally and physically after the miscarriage. Cheating is never good to talk about but I and Tina have now gained insight into why Bette did it.
They are both aware of not falling into old mistakes and that they must continue to work on their relationship.
I really love your story BK!!!
Sorry in advantage for the long comment ????
Thank you BiBi! What a nice recap, you really zeroed in on the essence of their journey. I know it was an emotional chapter but they are in a place where they are working through the remains of a past as well as building a new relationship. I just imagine this period to be painful and raw but so so necessary. I don’t mind your long comment at all, so glad you are enjoying the story.
Also why did the story post three times?? UGH. I must have hit the button too many times trying to get it load.
They will have more fun next chapter and we will move closer to the truth about Jodie’s work. Thank you for reading.
BK
Wow. I don’t even know what to say so I’ll just say thank you for sharing your story. It’s beautiful.
Thank you Kenji. Glad you liked it. I appreciate your comment and hope you keep reading :)
HI, just two words! Excellent and Amazing! Great write!
WOW WOW WOW !
What a chapter my god, so heartbreaking and what an amazing story.
I hope Tina will find something good to humiliate that B… Jodie and to definitely kick her out of their lives.
BK,
This is an amazing chapter. In real life, many relationship problems have their roots in the parent/child relationship. For women, it is the mother/daughter relationship which has the most impact. Damaged relationships between mother and daughter can result in women who have difficulties in establishing and maintaining strong, health relationships as adults. This story is one of healing that damage by recognizing the effects of the hurt which occured in Bette’s childhood. I would suspect that Tina also has a damaged relationship with her mother even though it is not a part of this story. Bette and Tina have come a long way in their ability to trust one another and to communicate with one another. To see Bette so vulnerable is really refreshing.
Tina needs to be careful with her desires for revenge. If she can do the old “give her enough rope and she’ll hang herself” would be fine. For me, true revenge never works out. Those who seek revenge usually end up hurting themselves more than their target. Case in point was Jenny’s revenge on the journalist she referred to as the vagina wig. (What a term!). What an awful sequence that was. Innocent people and a dog got hurt.
So true, You and I may have similar background in this area. I had not thought much about Tina’s need for revenge, but I appreciate you bringing it to my attention. Something to consider for sure as I develop the story. Sometimes it writes itself and other times I have to put it down and walk away…
And “vagina” wig”, so funny…thanks for the reminder of that term. I will need to incorporate that into my regular verbiage when possible LOL
thanks for reading..and commenting!
Not been around reading and commenting but hope I’m back now.
Catching up and love this story.
Please keep up regular posts.
SG
A wonderful, heartbreaking, but simultaneously heartwarming chapter! I agree with Izzie…Tina is classy, and she will
rid their lives of “she whose name shall not be spoken” (as I really don’t like the treacherous B****H!) and Tina will
do so using J’s own words and actions to show everyone what a lying, arrogant,devious, lowlife she is! Go Tina!
Goodness me! What an amazing chapter full of emotion and tension. I am intrigued by the reappearance of Eric and what that means? I think it’s great that you have Jodie as an out-and-out villain. I imagine villains are fun to write because their motives are very clear.
The description of Bette’s childhood is harrowing but beautifully written, as is Tina’s tenderness in trying to understand.. Very plausible depiction of why B reacted the way she did after they lost the baby. I’m also intrigued that there is no Angie in your story. (Always interesting the edits anyone makes to canon.)
Thank you, BK! I am catching up slowly :-)
Largo
No Angie because I find adding a baby is hard to write. I wanted them to come together and go through some stuff (as you will see as the story unfolds) and they are not quite there yet. This story goes off the canon rails, lol.
There is no way they can experience what is to come with a baby in tow… glad you are catching up on all the reading and look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Wow, BK, your writing is so powerful in all aspects. I keep having to read the pages twice to really hear your powerful words. This story is what should have been written for our favorite couple. This is what we prayed for, for too many years.
Thank you for this chapter as it was a strong possibility for Bette’s past and why and how she reacts to her life as it unfolds. The courage she had to finally explain to Tina what she had experienced after they lost the baby and why she reacted as she did with Tina’s actions.
You are brilliant! Such a powerfully written chapter! Thank you!
You are so welcome! There is so much to come with this story, it took unexpected twists and turns. I am glad you liked and appreciate the time you took to let me know! Have a great week!