Chapter 74

Bette stood next to the car. She just finished making sure Mary Grace was belted in – Jake plastered to her side. “Ok – nobody move! I’ll be back in a minute.”

Mary Grace looked at Bette with concern. “Jeez Bette, are you a little bit high strung or what?”

“A bit – I’ll be right back – don’t go anywhere.” Bette turned to walk into the house.

Mary Grace looked at Jake. “How do you stand her?….she’s wound tighter than a cheap watch!”

Tina greeted Bette at the door. “Baby…oh my God – you’re so pale – are you ok? Maybe you should sit down for a minute.”

“T – remember that Xanax you used to take ? I need some. Either that or I need to have a drink!” Bette’s face had the unmistakable ‘Bette Porter – I can’t do this’ look.

“Baby…Bette…do you want me to come with you?” Tina stifled a giggle.

“Jeez T – are you going to pick on me too? I can’t keep up with that kid.”

Tina reached over to the kitchen table and grabbed a large grocery bag. “Here Bette.”

“What’s this T?” Bette glanced into the bag.

“Snacks – you can’t take an eight year old and a dog on a road trip and not have snacks! Weren’t you ever eight?” Tina smiled at Bette.

“Evidently not. And as far as I know- I’ve never been a dog either….although I have spent my share of time in the dog house….”

Tina gave Bette a playful swat on the *****. “Are you sure you’ll be ok? If you want me to come with you I will.”

“I’ll make sure there is identifying information on me at all times – just in case I end up doing an Anne Heche.”

“Very funny! Baby – smile and try to have fun – ok?”

“Yeah – this ought to be a total riot!” Bette managed a faint smile. She turned to walk out the door. Tina grabbed her arm and pulled her back toward her for a quick hug and a kiss.

“Baby – you’re so damn cute! Please try to have a good time…I’ll make sure to help you relax when you get home ok?”

“Is that a promise Tina?”

“That’s a promise Baby.”

Bette turned and walked out the door and to the car. “Ok – are you two ready to rumble?”

Mary Grace stared at Bette. “Ready to RUMBLE? Exactly how old are you Bette!? Were you born in this century?”

Bette rolled her eyes and checked Mary Grace’s seat belt again. “Ok – let’s go… Jake – you need to stay still – or you’ll fly out of the car on the highway – we don’t want that now do we?”

Jake stared at Bette. “Yeah Bette – I really want to fly out of the car on the highway and spend the rest of my life as a road pizza….adults are just so dumb sometimes – thank the doggy gods this kid is here to keep me sane!”

Bette drove in silence for about five minutes.

Mary Grace cleared her throat. “So Bette – how long til we get there?”

“Sweetie – we just left the house – we have about an hour to go.”

“How bout some tunes Bette?”

“Yeah – ok…..” Bette handed Mary Grace the CD’s.

Mary Grace began looking through them. “Hmmmmm – Alice is right!”

“What do you mean? What did Alice say?”

“Alice says your taste in music sucks!” Mary Grace let out a heavy sigh. “Nothing I like….I knew I should have brought something with me…”

“How about the radio?”

“Yeah – ok – Radio Disney please. 1560 on your am dial!”

“AM??????? You want to listen to AM?”

“Yeah Bette A…M…GOT IT?…A…M.”

Bette tuned in the radio..”RADIO DISNEY – WE’RE ALL EARS!”

Bette let out a sigh. “Oh good God!” If she wasn’t driving she was sure she would have pounded her forehead on the dash board – probably right through the dash board. “RADIO DISNEY – WE’RE ALL EARS! What is that?”

“Gee Bette – you know MICKEY MOUSE – EARS? GOT IT YET? I thought you went to Ivy League Schools! Did you study at all? Did you get in because of your looks?”

“Listen you little smart……” Bette caught herself. Ok – time to pull yourself together Porter. “You’re just so smart for your age….”

“So they say!” Mary Grace smiled to herself. “So when’s lunch?”

“We can stop in a little while if you want. Are you hungry already?”

“A little – hey Bette – what’s in the bag?”

“Look for yourself.” Bette handed the snack bag to Mary Grace.

“Tina packed this didn’t she?”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well – there are real snacks in this bag. Juice boxes, cookies, fruit snacks…”

“And how do you know I didn’t pack the snacks?”

“No yuppie fruit and nut mix – no bottled water…that’s how…Tina knows what kids like.”

Bette could feel her blood pressure rising. Get control of yourself Porter – she’s only eight.

“Hey Bette?”

“Yeah?”

” I have to go to the bathroom.”

“You just went.”

“I have to go! Can we stop somewhere so I can go…I really have to go. Bette – I’ve got to go. I really have to go.”

“Ok..ok..we’ll stop at that gas station up there ok?”

“Ok – you have to come with me….Mom says I have an irrational fear of public rest rooms!”

“Is that so?”

“Yup – they scare me….you never know who might be lurking in the stall next to you….could be like Pee Wee Herman – whoever he is!”

“I doubt we’ll run into Pee Wee Herman – please don’t make me explain who he is – I’ll go with you.”

“That’s good – you’re enough to scare anyone away.”

“Gee thanks – so I’m scary huh?”

“Well not to me – but Alice says you scare her sometimes.”

“Really?”

“Yup !”

“Oh do tell little one – what did Alice say?”

“Bette I really have to go – hurry ok?”

“Ok- ok – we’re there. Let’s go. Come on Jake let’s go.”

“Jake can’t come Bette!”

“Why not?”

Mary Grace looked at Bette in total disbelief. “He’s a BOY! He’s not watching me pee!”

“You watch him pee…” Bette caught herself. “You’re right Sweetie. Jake – you stay right here. Don’t move!” Jake plopped down on the car seat and closed his eyes.

When Mary Grace finished using the bathroom – Bette reminded her to wash her hands.

“Hey Bette?”

“Yeah Sweetie?”

“Did you know that picking your nose is good for you?”

“No *****? I mean – what? Huh?”

“It boosts your immune system – picking your nose I mean.”

“Really – have you researched this topic.”

“Well – after I got over my initial fear of removing boogers from their natural habitat…”

“Their natural habitat huh?”

“Yeah – you know – the nose!”

“Oh…..you are just a wealth of information aren’t you?”

“That’s what my Dad says….”

“Sweetie – can we talk about something else please?”

“Ok Bette – do you want to hear my theories on nuclear energy?”

“No – not really.”

“Hmmmm. Ok – it’s probably above you anyway…”

“What?”

“Oh nothing…”

“Sweetie – will you please remind me to call Alice later?”

“Sure Bette”

Mary Grace got back into the car – Bette made sure she was belted in – they were on the road again.

“OOOH Bette – look – look – LOOK!”

“What…what….WHAT?”

“MC DONALD’S!!!!”

Jake stood up on the seat of the car – his tail wagging back and forth. “YES!!! Cheeseburger!!!!!!!!!”

Bette pulled into the line for the drive thru. “Ok – what do you want Sweetie?”

“Cheesburger Happy Meal – none of that Apple Slices *****!”

“Got ya! Drink?”

“Diet Coke!”

“Are you dieting?”

“No – just want to preserve this beautiful smile. No sugar!” Mary Grace grinned at Bette!

Bette sighed – she had to admit that she was having some fun!

She pulled up to the speaker.

“May I….he….u?”

“Oh brother. Yeah – um Three – THREE Cheeseburger Happy Meals – with artery clogging fries and diet coke with two of them and bottled wa…make that three diet cokes.”

“Ar..th..Hap..Meals..for Boys or G..l’s?”

Bette looked over at Jake -”Um two girls and one boy – PLEASE!”

“That’ll be $11.26. Please drive up!”

“Well that was clear – wasn’t it????” Bette said to Mary Grace with a smile.

“Yup – like crystal!”

The three of them ate their Happy Meals and compared their toys.

Mary Grace looked at Bette – who appeared to be as into her little beanie baby as she was. “You know Bette – the babies are going to be lucky to have you for a mom…you’re fun….”

Bette felt tears form in her eyes. “Thanks Sweetie – you know what – you and Jake are going to go pick out a puppy! Jake’s puppy. It’s gotta be a girl and guess what….You get to name her Sweetie.”

Mary Grace undid her seat belt and jumped into the front seat of the car. She threw her arms around Bette. “I love you Bette – thank you for taking me on this awesome road trip today…”

Bette held Mary Grace close to her as tears rolled down her cheeks. “I’m glad you came along Sweetie! Let’s get going!”

Bette buckled Mary Grace back into her seat – and they were off to the breeder.

TBC