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    Second and Third Chances – CH 11

    Hi.

    She heard Tina say hi but Bette couldnt find her voice. Instead she looked down then slowly back up at Tina. She wanted nothing more than to pull her into her arms and never let her go but that just wasnt an option anymore. Bette knew she had to do this otherwise she would never be able to live with herself. For all the pain and heartache she caused Tina she owed it to her to at least be strong enough to be her friend.

    Hi.

    The uncomfortable silence that followed was almost too much for Tina to bear. She didnt know the woman who stood in front of her anymore. The Bette she used to know was so self-assured and could handle herself in almost any situation. The Bette she used to know spoke with confidence and the assurance that she was respected and loved. This was not that Bette. This Bette was different. The eyes that used to be so warm and bright were now clouded by sadness. The voice that used to be so strong and forceful was now soft and vulnerable. Tina searched Bettes face for some sign that everything was okay but she couldnt find one.

    Bette, are you okay?

    Idont know.

    Bette looked away and Tina felt herself getting upset. Why is she doing this? Why is she holding so much back? I thought we had gotten past this. I knew she could never change. I knew she would never be able to break down her walls. Dammit Bette, why cant you just open up to me? Tina felt tears of frustration forming but she held them in. She looked at Bette for a long time before Bette finally spoke.

    I dont want to do this.

    Tina felt the anger erupt inside her and it took all of her strength not to slap Bette again. ***** that. After all shes put me through she really doesnt want me in her life. Seven years Bette. SEVEN YEARS. Fine. Tina turned to walk away but Bette grabbed her arm. Tina turned around with anger in her eyes but that anger quickly subsided when she heard what Bette had to say.

    No Tina, I mean I dont want to do THISthis uncomfortable, friendly, polite *****. Its you and me Tina, I know were more than that. Im sorry about Friday night, I know I shouldnt have but I just wanted so badly to see you, to touch you, to feel you in my arms again. I

    Bette sighed as she let go of Tinas arm. Tina looked at Bette with uncertainty in her eyes as she tried to choose her words carefully. As she spoke her voice was soft and Tina knew that this was her chance to tell Bette everything that had been going on in her head for the past few days.

    Im sorry too Bette. Im sorry for a lot of things but you made your decision. You needed time and so did I. I wish we could just go back to the way things were but we cant. Too much has happened and you hurt me too badly for me to just erase what you did. I had to find myself again, I had to get my life back. After everything that has happened I felt so lost and I needed to start over again. I never did any of this to hurt you, but I needed to do it for me. Do you understand?

    I do.

    Tina looked at Bette with forgiveness in her eyes and when Bette saw it she felt a wave of relief wash over her. She understood that Tina didnt want to be with her but she was glad that she at least forgave her.

    Tina I really am sorry for everything Ive put you through.

    I know. And I forgive you Bette. But you need to understand that I have a new life now. I have someone who I care about and who cares about me in return.

    Does she make you happy Tina?

    Theres that question again. *****. Why does she have to ask that? Tina paused before answering because she was debating her answer. Yes Melanie did make her happy, but not the kind of happiness that Bette could bring her. Not the overwhelmingly powerful wind-knocked-out-of-your-chest-head-spinning-heart-melting happiness. Bette had been and will always be the only one who could ever make her feel that. But Tina was content with Melanie and with that came happiness.

    Yeah she does.

    Bette looked down and she could feel a single tear run down her face. She knew in her heart that Tina deserved more than anything to be happy right now and it was killing Bette that she wasnt a part of it. Bette could remember the times when her whole motivation was just to make Tina smile. When her days were filled with love and affection and Tina was the most important thing to her. She had lost sight of that along the way and now Bette fully understood what she lost. Bette took a deep breath and quickly wiped away the tear before continuing.

    Good. Im glad. You should be happy.

    Bette tried to give Tina a small smile but she wasnt sure she could do it. Tina looked at Bette with tears in her eyes and was thankful that they didnt fall. They were tears of love and Tina knew that even though Bette was heartbroken right now she was still trying to do the right thing. She was trying to be strong and Tina believed that Bette truly meant what she said.

    What about you Bette? Are you happy?

    Im getting there.

    It was an honest answer and for the first time in a long time Tina saw the true Bette. The Bette she fell in love with seven years ago and the Bette she knew she would always love. The Bette that had been so in love with her and who would have never broken her promise and hurt Tina so badly. The Bette who Tina trusted her entire being with and who she gave her entire heart to. Tina would never admit it, but she would always hold a special place for this Bette in her heart and in her soul.

    So where does that leave US Tina? I meanI dont want to just pretend like nothing happened. Like seven years didnt pass and we never met.

    I dont know Bette. I just dont know.

    Can I still see you? Talk to you? Anything? I cant not have you in my life Tina.

    Tina looked at Bette and saw the raw emotions betraying her calm demeanor. Tina knew she couldnt live without Bette in her life somehow and she knew it would kill both her and Bette if she said no. But Tina had her life with Melanie and she was so content in their relationship. It was so safe and secure that Tina knew she didnt have to worry about Melanie ever doing to her what Bette did to her. But that was partly because Tina knew she could never give her all to Melanie like she did to Bette. Bette had been her true love and that was something that can never be replicated.

    I would like that. I mean if youre okay with the way things are.

    I am.

    Bette finally felt a genuine smile cross her lips as she looked at Tina. She knew she was still very much in love with Tina and that she would never be completely whole until she had Tina by her side again, but she would take what she could get for now. Bette knew Tina was too strong willed to play mind games with her and Bette hoped that she would be able to handle just being Tinas friend.

    They walked back inside and Alice and Dana jumped up to grab them chairs. They sat down across from each other and Bette felt a feeling of nostalgia wash over her. This was just like old times and she was glad that she could have Tina in her life, even if it was just as friends for now. Bette always believed from the moment she met Tina that this was the only person for her and it was a belief she had held on to on her loneliest of nights. Tina felt the same nostalgia wash over her and she was confident that she had done the right thing. She had a wonderful woman in her life and she still had Bette. Tina knew that Bette would always be hers and after todays reaffirmation she felt that they still had future together, just a different kind.

    Later that night Tina went home exhausted. There was a message from Melanie to call her when she got home, but Tina just didnt have the energy. She lay on her couch for a few hours before finally getting up to call Melanie. She dug through her purse looking for her cell phone and just before she flipped it open to call her she stopped. She felt a sudden rush of energy run through her and she grabbed her keys and headed out the door. She drove for half an hour before she reached her destination.

    Tina sat in her car staring at the building that Bettes old gallery used to be in. It was the place where they first met and it was where they shared their first kiss. Tina used to come here after she found out about Candace because it always held a memory of the past and of the good times. Tina would sit in her car for hours just staring at the building trying to figure out how something that started off so right went so wrong. Music was playing from her stereo and as she listened to the words she felt their full impact. Tears flowed down her cheeks as she remembered all the times she shared with Bette. The good ones and the bad ones. The times when all they needed was each other and that was enough. The times when they would lay in bed all day just holding each other and whispering I love yous to each other. The times when Tina knew that Bette was all she would ever want and that the feeling was mutual. Tina remembered the fights and how scared she would get that she might lose Bette forever. The days when Bette would come home extremely pissed off and let her temper flare out of control only to be calmed by Tina later that night. The times when they would fight over the little things and how these fights seemed to get more and more frequent towards the end of their relationship. Tina sobbed as she remembered how even at the worst of times she never stopped loving Bette with all her heart and the feeling of pain she got when she saw Bette with Candace. Tina remembered the day she and Bette exchanged vows and how she had believed those vows were forever. Tina remembered the times when she would have a really tough day or really stressful week and all she wanted to do was go home and crawl into Bettes arms where she felt protected from the world. Tina shook with pain as she remembered when Bette told her she needed time alone to find herself and how she couldnt believe that after everything Bette was breaking her heart again. Tina remembered when she lost the baby and how Bette had been so supportive but so distant. Bette always held her emotions in and it was the thing that put the most strain on their relationship. Tina cried out for Bette as she thought about all the nights they spent planning their future and how they would have the happily ever after because after all, they were each others fairy tale come true.

    Tina sat there all night reliving her past with Bette one last time before she let it go. As Tina finally drove home at half past five in the morning she felt physically drained and emotionally empty. She had spent all night saying goodbye to Bette and the life they once had. She was now ready to move on and when she reached her house she felt a wave of love run through her. Melanie was sitting on the steps of her apartment, just waiting. Tina got out of her car and walked slowly to her taking in everything about her. This was the person she chose to be with and Tina knew that Melanie loved her with all her heart. Tina reached out and pulled Melanie into her arms. For once Tina didnt have the feelings of guilt or betrayal that she might be wronging Bette. For once Tina was finally able to realize, it was really all about her.

    How could the one I gave my heart to
    Break my heart so bad
    How could the one who made me happy
    Make me feel so sad

    Won’t somebody tell me
    So I can understand
    If you love me
    How could you hurt this heart of mine
    Tell me

    How could you be so cold to me
    When I gave you everything
    All my love, all I had inside
    How could you just walk out the door
    How could you not love me anymore

    I thought we had forever
    I can’t understand

    How could the one I shared my dreams with
    Take my dream from me
    How could the love that brought such pleasure
    Bring such misery

    Won’t somebody tell me
    Somebody tell me please
    If you love me
    How could you do that to me
    Tell me

    How could you just walk out the door
    How could you not love me anymore
    I thought we had forever
    Can’t understand
    No I can’t understand

    How could the one I gave my heart to
    Break my heart so bad
    How could the one who made me happy
    Make me feel so sad

    Won’t somebody tell me
    So I can understand
    If you love me
    How could you hurt me like that

    How could the one I gave my world to
    Throw my world away
    How could the one who said I love you
    Say the things you say

    How could the one who I used to run to
    Tell me lies
    How could the one I gave my heart to
    Make me feel so sad
    How could the one I gave my heart to
    Break my heart so bad
    Tell me

    Comments

    1. I’m happy for Tina for choosing to live for her, even if that means Melanie is part of that new life. I’m sure this was a difficult piece to write; it was very heartfelt. Thanks for gently guiding us through the end of Bette and Tina’s relationship, even this diehard TiBette Shipper is happy with the outcome.

    2. So hard to let go and you did a wonderful job being realistic…or at least telling a very realistic side to this relationship…I too am very sad but it doesn’t mean the end…it means the old B&T are done…you never know what the future brings…they’ll always love each other:) Bravo to you!

    3. Bette will always be the love of Tina’s life. But it is nice to know that Tina can love another. Everyone deserves to be happy. As the old saying goes, “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your with.” Ain’t that the truth.

    4. ‘That’s the Way Love Goes’. This was heartbreaking but real. You showed usthe vitality of life continuing. You take such time to show us the detailed process as Tina heals and moves on. We may love melodrama, but someone has to have the courage to show the positivity that can come from a relationship in transition. I feel really good about the direction this is taking. Thank you.

    5. I have never cried over a fanfic…but I read this and the tears wouldn’t stop…and then i played that Aaliyah song while i read it again…I just completely lost it…ok I have to try and compose myself…I hope this isn’t the end hopefully its just the beginning of wonderful for Bette and Tina together

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