Tina sat there staring at the door. What the ***** was that? Melanie had just broken up with her and Tina didnt know if she was happy or sad about it. She was happy because she knew that most of what Melanie had said was true, but she was sad because she didnt want to see Melanie go. Why did she go and talk to Bette without telling me? Tina started pacing around her living room growing more and more angry by the second. What exactly did Bette say to her? And why did Melanie really give up so easily? Did she just use Bette as an easy out? Why is this happening to me? Bette managed to ruin another good relationship for me. *****. Tina grabbed the phone to call Bette and dialed her number. She let it ring once than hung up. What the ***** am I going to say to her? Tina grabbed her keys and ran out the door.

Tina got in her car and drove to Bettes house. She had so many emotions running through her body at that moment and she didnt know which one to go with. She was excited at the fact that maybe what Melanie said was the truth and that she would finally get her chance with Bette again, she was elated to know that Bette was still in love with her and wanted her back, but mostly she was furious at Bette for allowing herself to make Melanie feel like she would never be good enough for Tina. But its not all her faultI had a lot to do with that too. Tina pulled up at the house thirty minutes later and just sat there staring at the place she once called home. ***** Bette, how many times are we going to do this? How many times are we going to keep running back to each other? Forever? Forever is not an option anymore. You took that away from me. Tina angrily got out of her car and ran up to the door. She banged on the door out of frustration and when Bette opened the door she had a look of complete shock on her face.

What the ***** did you say to her Bette?

Tina? Come in. What is going on?

Answer the question Bette, what did you say to Mel?

Iwhy what happened?

SHE BROKE UP WITH ME BETTE. BECAUSE OF YOU! SO I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU SAID TO HER.

Tina was yelling at that point and Bette backed up a couple of steps. Oh no, why did she do that? Bette tried to get Tina to sit down but Tina remained exactly where she was. Bette walked over and sat down just staring at Tina.

She broke up with you?

YES!!!

Bette sighed loudly and leaned back in the chair. That was exactly what I didnt want her to do. I knew Tina would blame me for this. Dammit. Tina stood there with her arms crossed in defense across her chest waiting for Bette to continue.

Tina, I didnt say anything to her. I didnt tell her to do that if thats what youre wondering.

Well it happenedBette, what did she say?

She said she loves you but she wanted to know if I did also.

Do you?

Bette didnt know if she should answer that. She felt like they were going in circles and she felt like Tina was baiting her so that she could find and excuse to walk out of her life forever. Yeah Bette, go ahead and tell her yes then she will blame you for ***** up her life again and never speak to you again. Bette recognized the catch-22 she was in and she knew the only thing she could do was be honest.

Yes.

Tina didnt know what to say. This was something she had known all along but she didnt think Bette would admit it to her. Tina walked over and sat down next to Bette.

Then why couldnt you just let me be happy? I thought things were going so well. Please Bette, I just need to know exactly what she said.

I told you Tina. She came over here and asked me if I loved you. I said yes and she said that she knew that you still had unresolved feelings about me too and it was killing her to know that she might be the reason that we never got to see if those feelings were mutual. I told her that I didnt want to come between you two and she said that I had been there all along. She said she understood and that she was okay with it. Thats it Tina I swear.

Tina looked down at her hands. She knew in her heart she had been waiting for this chance with Bette, but now that it was here she didnt know if she could do it. Too much had happened between them for Tina to believe in the simple things and she knew if she had any kind of future with Bette that it was going to take a lot of work. Tina turned to Bette and searched her eyes for any kind of sign as to what she should do.

Bette, why did you tell her that? Why did you validate her fears?

What was I supposed to do Tina? Did you want me to lie to her?

Of course not, but I dont understand. You said you wanted me to be happy and I was. Then you took that away from meagain.

Tina

Bette stood up out of frustration and walked over to the window. She looked out the window and tried to fight down the tears that were building up inside her. Of course I want her to be happy. Why doesnt she see that? Its not my fault that Melanie couldnt handle it. And like she said, she saw it in Tina too. Why is Tina making it seem like I manipulated the situation? Does she really think Im that vindictive? Bette felt the tears winning the struggle and she let a single tear flow down her cheek. Tina watched Bette for along time and she could tell that Bette was crying. Why Bette? Why did you do it? Do you really want to try and work this out? Do you think we have a future? Tina stood up and walked over to Bette. Bette felt her standing near her so she turned a little trying to hide the fact that she was crying. Tina reached out and slowly turned Bette back around to face her. She reached up and wiped away the tears that were running down Bettes face. Bette pulled away like she had been burned and walked back over to the couch. She sat down and looked up at Tina with pain in her eyes.

Tina, I would never do anything to hurt you again you know that. Im sorry for what happened but its not my fault.

Bette Im not blaming you. I just dont understand why you couldnt leave good enough alone?

Because

Because why Bette? I dont get it. We were doing so good these past few months. I thought things were finally working out. What is it? What do you want from me?

Bette got up and walked to the kitchen. She didnt know what to do and she was getting tired of feeling like she was inconveniencing Tina every time she opened her mouth. What the helldoes she really not understand that I still love her? Bette poured herself a glass of water and drank it quickly. She tried to gain control of her emotions before going back into the living room. When she walked back in it was now Tina who was staring out the window, not having moved from where Bette was standing before. Tina continued to stare out the window and her voice was quiet and soft.

Why did you do it Bette?

Because I couldnt give up on us TI can never give up on us.

Tina turned and looked at Bette with hurt and confusion in her eyes.

No thats not what I meant. Im talking about everythingCandacefighting so hard to get me backpushing me away againpretending to be okay with Meleverythingwhy did you do it? Because Im tired of this BetteIm tired of living in a world where you seem to control everything. I cant do it again. I cant.

Bette looked like a hurt puppy and she sat down and put her head in her hands. Did I really do that? *****, yeah I did. Oh Tina Im so sorryIm so sorry. Bette looked up at Tina with tears in her eyes again.

TinaI never pretended with you. I was truly happy to see you happy and Im sorry about Mel hurting you. As for Candace, weve been over that Tinaa hundred times over it. And you know why I had to spend time alone. Im sorry that I ruined you life again I really am. I never meant to hurt you in the first place and truthfully I never looked at it like I was controlling your life. But Tinado you really think we could never work things out between us? I mean do you really not see an us in the future?

I dont know.

Tina

Its not that simple Bette.

Do you love me?

You know I do but that doesnt mean that I can just go back to the way things were. Its taken me a lot to get where I am and I dont know if I want to give that up again.

Tina I would never ask you to give anything up for me.

Yes you would Bette. You did it before and youll do it againI know you.

Bette was getting tired of fighting with Tina. Tired of apologizing and tired of walking on broken glass. She was tired of having the memory of tearing Tinas heart out play over and over in her mind. Bette was tired of living in the shadow of what she once was and she was tired of waiting and hoping that someday Tina would see her for who she really was. Bette was just tired of everything.

No I wouldnt Tinanot anymore. I know youve changed but I have too. Im not the person I was six months ago.

I know youre not thats why this is so much harder.

What?

I dont think we can do this anymore Bette. Im not sure of whats going on but this time I need time to figure things out. Im sorry.

Tina no

We cant keep doing this Bette.

Im sorry about Mel Tina but dont give up on us.

Its not just about Mel. And Im not giving up on us, I just need some time to clear my head okay?

T

Dont Bette. Just dont. I have to go.

Tina walked over to the door and opened it. Bette just sat there staring at her in disbelief. How many times can we do this? How many times can we go in circles? Tina gave Bette one last look before walking out the door. Im sorry Bette but I need to do this. I need to see if we can make this work. Tina got into her car and drove home fighting back tears. After everything theyve been through, after all the fights and reconciliations, after the good times and the bad, after Melanie and their relationship, after all that, things were finally back the way Tina wanted them. She was finally getting her chance to start over.