I woke up and glanced at the clock, 2.17 am. I had an anxious feeling and I knew why. Bette still had her arm wrapped tightly around me. Careful not to wake her I managed to get out of her grasp, slowly walk into the bathroom and close the door quietly.

 I stood myself in front of the toilet and took a deep breath. I bent over kneeling before it and pressed two fingers down my throat, nothing happened. I pressed down again until I started coughing and tears slid down my cheeks but still nothing happened. I removed my fingers and sat back down wiping my tears off my cheeks in frustration. I took a deep breath and lifted myself up again pressing two fingers down my throat again. I started coughing again harder this time and finally I felt the food make its way up and out of my mouth. Suddenly there was a knock at the door, I stopped myself and sat completely still listening.

“Tina, are you okay in there?” Bette’s sleepy voice was heard on the other side of the door.

 “Yeah, I’m fine” I responded with a shaky voice.

I flushed the toilet and went over to the sink to wash my face and put some toothpaste in my mouth. As I emerged from the bathroom Bette was sitting on the bed waiting for me. She got up and approached me.

“Baby, are you ok? Are you getting sick?” She asked moving a stray curl of hair behind my ear.

“No, Bette I’m fine I just had to pee that’s all” I said getting back into bed.

She sighed and turned towards me.

“Tee I heard you throw up in there! Why are you lying to me?” she asked frustrated.

“I’m not, Ok! I woke up and had to pee that’s all!” I answered her angrily. “Why are you making such a big deal about it!?”

“Because I know this is not the first time you have thrown up this week!!!” She yelled angrily. “If it wasn’t because you’re not eating I would have thought that you’re pregnant!”

I looked down at my hands, tears forming in my eyes.

“Why are you yelling at me?“ I looked up at her with tears slowly making their way down my cheeks. She walked to me sitting down next to me on the bed. She hugged me close to her.

“I just wish that you would talk to me Tee, it hurts me so much to know something is wrong and you not telling me about it, I want to help you.”

“Baby I’m fine!”

“No Tee you’re not! You’re not fine please just stop lying to me!” Her eyes was now filled with tears. I looked at her and felt a flash of guilt. I was hurting Bette and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

“Tina, I love you! You know you can talk to me about anything and everything! Please don’t shut me out”

“You wouldn’t understand” I whispered quietly into her chest.

“Try me”

 I looked down at my hands again trying to figure out how to get control of the situation. Bette was holding me tightly to her, rubbing circles on my back. After a few minutes I looked back up at her, she was patiently waiting for me to say something. I couldn’t look into her eyes so I looked back down.

“I’m bulimic…” I whispered.