I was sitting in Miranda’s office, this time without Bette.

Last time, when I was here with Bette, we had only been here for an hour coming up with a plan for my treatment and talked briefly.

 “So Tina, how has these past few days been since our meeting?” she started.

“There have been a lot of ups and downs…some days it feels like everything will be okay and then some days it feels like it never will be”

“When was the last time you threw up?” She asked.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat “yesterday” I said in a weak voice.

“Was Bette there?”

“No, I was at work…I can’t do it at home anymore”

“Why is that?”

“Bette” I answered her simply.

“Has Bette told you that you can’t do it at home?” She asked.

“No…it’s just that she keeps her eyes at me at all time…I never get a chance to do it” I said with a frown.

“Does that make you angry?

“Yes!…no…” I sighed.

“I know she just wants to help me but I just can’t help getting mad at her sometimes…and then I feel even worse”

“I think it is important for you to see this from Bette’s point of view” she said in a serious tone.

“Imagine Bette was hurting herself and there was nothing you could do about it”

“That…” My voice cracked “That would kill me” I said with tears in my eyes.

“Bette is doing the only thing she can and that is stopping you from throwing up, that is the one bit of control she can have”

“When I met with you and Bette last time I got the impression that she likes to be in control”

I chuckled lightly “Yeah she does”

“This must be tearing her apart” Miranda stated softly.

As I was driving towards the Planet where I was meeting Bette I started panicking.

How could I put Bette through this? She deserves better than this…than me.

Tears started to roll down my cheeks as I passed the planet and continued the drive home. I parked the car in our driveway and just sat there for a minute sobbing.

I walked inside and went straight to the closet in our bedroom. I got a weekend bag out and started to pack a few articles of clothing to last me a couple of days. As I was packing my cellphone rang, I looked at the caller id – it was Bette. I started crying harder and slumped down onto the floor pressing my cellphone tightly to my chest.