It didn’t matter how many time she would ask herself this question, she would still not be able to come up with a decent answer to her cowardice. Why didn’t she have the courage to just call Alice or Shane or Dana and just say “Hi, I’m in LA. Wanna meet for coffee?”

After all she did keep in touch with them from time to time. Especially with Alice and Shane, so she knew they wouldn’t say no to that invitation. They constantly kept asking her when was she gonna be in LA and to give them a call whenever that would happen. But she lied to them, she lied miserably.

Tina knew she could count on either of the members of the gang, the family. They always let her know, through the phone or a simple email, that they were always there and they would always be there for her. It felt as if she had never really left. Even Kit had made it very clear that she could call her anytime she wanted or whenever she needed anything, she would always answer her call.

So why? Why the self imposed distance? Why the so called stalking? Was she really that ashamed?

Probably.

What she had done was inexcusable. Hurting the kindest, smartest, funniest, most intense and most beautiful woman she ever met was inexcusable. Hurting her best friend and the only person who really ever knew her was inexcusable. Hurting the only one who could set her body on fire was inexcusable.

Had she turned into a soulless person who filled the holes in her life with work and occasional parties and hardly ever a holiday?

Perhaps.

But when? In what part of her path had she turned into that person? Or had it always been imprinted in her and she had never been aware of it?

Suddenly the phone rang startling her from her deep thoughts. Tina didn’t usually think of all these things at the office, cause again she hardly had time for a cup of coffee or a salad for lunch, so much less to be wondering what her life was or would have been when she had such a pile of things to do. But maybe, just maybe this was one of “those” days and in “those” days nothing really helped.

She picked up the phone hoping it wasn’t any disaster that would set back the finishing of this project.

“Rachel you better not give me bad news.” She begged to her assistant who she knew filtered all her calls.

“Oh no, no, nothing like that. I just have a private call for you.” Came the voice on the other end.

And then Tina knew, that was the code they used. Whenever one of the girls would have something important to say they would use the key word “private”. Last time she had heard it she felt she was gonna die after hearing what Alice had to say, so she hesitated for a few seconds.

“TK?” Rachel said not wanting to make the person on the end wait for that long.

“Put her through” Was all Tina could manage to answer.

“Alice?” Tina asked.

“Hi Tina, it’s not Alice, it’s me Kit”

Yale – Fall 1996

The class had run smoothly and it was coming to an end. It seemed incredible to Bette how quick time had passed when all she could think about was the blonde sitting next to her. She hadn’t had the nerves to attempt any other small talk after the class started because they were in the middle of a class actually, it would just be disrespectful. But something about that blonde told her to just follow her instincts.

“Well that was a very nice class, don’t you think?” Came that sweet voice once everyone was standing to get their stuff in their backpacks and leave.

“Well I was indeed waiting for this class cause I’ve heard so much about professor Miller and her devotion for her teaching and of course art… but I have to say… I don’t necessarily agree with some of her approaches” Bette answered locking eyes with the angelic blonde.

“What do you mean?” Tina asked now really interested in what this unknown and yet familiar brunette had to say.

“Well what do you say we head over the cafeteria and discuss it over a cappuccino?” Bette asked giving the hazel eyes another of her famous Porter smiles to stare at.

 TBC?