“Can I buy you something?” Her voice was smoky and deep, the kind that reminded you of sultry bedroom talk. Carmen eyed the bottle of beer held loosely in her hand. “It doesn’t seem like I have a chance to refuse, do I?” The woman tipped her head slightly in a soundless laugh, then she leaned into Carmen. “Just say no,” There was a little smile curving her lips and for a moment, an image of a woman with ruffled bedroom hair and sea-green eyes came back to haunt her. Carmen reached out her hand and took the beer from her. “And why should I?” Carmen returned the smile and took a deep swig of the beer. Indeed, why should she cling to a ghost of a memory and let herself live in the past?

It was over. Her so-called happiness was over before it had even begun.

Chapter 2

Carmen,

This is the first of my journal entries I’m writing. It’s all for you. That hopefully someday you will know why I choose to leave. I choose to leave because it was and would be the best thing I could have done for you. I knew you would hurt, you would feel the pain, but Carmen I also know you, better than you know yourself. You would love again, and while you might remember me, you would give your love to that person who deserved everything you could give. As for me, I’ll remember the jumbled images. The first time you smiled for me, the time you played ‘Too Hot’ with me with that mischievous glint in your eyes, the soft mesmerized eyes when I told you I love you, and the rage and fury when I betrayed your trust. All of them.

I did love you Carmen and I still do. But love did not fix all things. Love did not heal all the wounds. And love did not guarantee everything would turn out perfect because they didn’t.

Shane dropped the pen and realised that the hot warmth she was feeling was the tears sliding down her cheeks. She wiped them away with the back of her hand and opened the drawer and placed the black journal book inside. She heard the opening of the door and Cherie, draped in her couture dress and chiffon wrap, came in.

“Shane, are you alright?”

Shane leaned her head against the wall and managed a smile. “I’m feeling as fine as someone who’s got a deadline on her life can feel,” The smile faltered and Shane lowered her head. She heard a faint sniff from Cherie and some part of her regretted coming to Cherie. Which part of her had determined that while Carmen should be spared the pain and agony, Cherie could be able to withstand it? She lifted her eyes and saw Cherie wiping off the make-up angrily from her face.

“Shane McCutcheon, I refuse to cry for you…..I refuse to because you are one worthless brat who insisted on letting me keep the secret for you. You spared your friends but what about me? Am I really that unfeeling to….”

Before Cherie could continue, Shane hauled Cherie into her arms. Cherie who had always maintained the cool composure required of a Hollywood wife was bawling in her arms and pelting her with her fists. “Damn you Shane, Damn you…” Her voice trailed off and Shane smoothed Cherie’s immaculately-coiffured hair “You don’t have to curse me Cherie, I’m already damned,” She said in her low, even voice and she could feel Cherie’s shoulder heaving harder

“Don’t cry for me Cherie, don’t……waste any of your tears on someone you know would be gone soon,” Shane lifted her eyes to the ceiling. For someone who never had much faith, she wanted God to be listening now. She channeled her focus and marshaled all the willpower she could muster: Please, don’t let Carmen undergo what Cherie is going through now. If you’ve been missing all my life, then just grant me this. Don’t let Carmen cry because she had cried enough.