First, she completely forgot what she was talking about in front of her business partners, future associates and artists. Second, to regain composure she took a sip of her wine, but to only spill it all over her fine suit. Third, she was so hectic that she broke a heel running to her office and nearly tumbled on the floor, almost knocking out this naked bohemian woman sculptor that cost more than her life.

It was so funny that I wished I brought a video cam with me so instead of me typing this, I would have been handing out tapes because I probably made thousands of copies by now.

I excused myself from the tiny crowd of art sophisticates and followed her in her office to only put my theory to the test of what I think was happening.

What the ***** is the matter Porter?

I spilled wine.

I see that geniusbut why?

I dunnoit just happened.

I realized that she wasnt going to admit defeat that easily. I let myself out and saw the beauty walking hand in hand with a man. Ouch… So I introduced myself without thinking.

Hi. Im Alice Pieszecki and you are?

Hello. Im Eric Matthews and this is Tina Kennard. Im a great fan of this gallery. Are you one of Bette Porters associates?

***** no. I mean, sorry. No. just Alice, her best friend. But I write for L.A. magazine and I thought itd be great if I could do a little Q&A with you guys for my article.

Sure, but is Bette around? I wanted to thank her first for personally inviting me into one of these events.

Oh yeah. Shes inside her office. She should be coming out soon. You could go if you want, Ill start off with Tina and keep her company.

Eric left giving Tina his a light smile of reassurance and I was left with this numbing feeling that Im going to be in so much trouble if this doesnt go the way its suppose to. I set eyes on her and I looked deep without any intentions at all and I saw something that was rare and is was this overwhelming confidence and kindness that made her even more delicate than she already was.

She was like something out of a Damien Rice song, fragile and soft and every wonderful thing in the world that you could think of. Plus, she has these great set of boobage that was staring at me.

I felt as though I was trapped because even if Im smart as *****, I couldnt get a grip on how Im going to start this interview. I needed a big diversion of some sort, just to give me a little time to think for my next move.

I have to go to the potty. Care to join me?

Sure, why not?

Tina laughing put me at eased from then on. I could tell that she was easy going and has a good sense of humor about simple things. Total package for Porter and I was delivering her Tina straight in her office. Of course, I gave Eric the wrong direction. I was playing the match maker and I needed the matching to get started.

On the way over, I started my own questionnaire. Be aware that my interrogation skills back then wasnt quite yet develop. My domineering demeanor as of now is most intimidating and its awesome. Anyways

So you and Eric?

Yeah. About 2 months now, hes a great guy.

And…

And hes caring in the most adorable way. He treats me like Im a princess.

Wowum bathrooms this way.

I open the door to Bettes office and let Tina in first and there it happened. It was like everything was in slow motion. And the thing I mentioned about the hearts jumping out of their chest to connect in midair totally happened.

Bette stood there cleaning her jacket or what was left with it as Tina and I entered. They both stood there in trance, looking at one another and it was so silent it was sickening somehow. I had to raise my voice up a little announcing that I had to go number 1.

I turned the faucet a little, to make that peeing sound and listened to the two struggled with words for the first time.

Hi.

Hi.