It’s different this time.

You’ve had ***** with Alice too many times to count, in so many ways, with so many toys, as so many different people, it makes your head spin to think about them all. But this time is different.

You got home late- or early, you thought with a tired grin as you waited for her to open the door to apartment 4. Howie had disappeared with some boy, but not before you grabbed some of the condoms that were floating around all over the place, shoving them in his hand and giving him a sisterly glare. It was close to four in the morning when you finally stepped through the front door of your apartment.

It made you smile, to think that it was your apartment- yours and Alice’s. Neither of you had said anything, it had just sort of happened. You both seemed to understand it, though; she always seemed to get what you were thinking, and it was one of the things you loved about her.

Love. That’s what this is about, why it’s different this time. When she told you yesterday that she loved you, your heart froze in your chest and you weren’t sure you’d ever breathe again. And for a moment, you’d forgotten to be afraid, and you had just opened your mouth to respond when Howie knocked on the door. By the time you’d slipped into bed with her, your walls were back in place and the idea of telling her how you felt made your stomach twist into a tight knot of fear and insecurity.

Tonight, watching her dance even though she knew she looked like a dork, and catching her eye sometimes when she forgot to disguise the love she feels, you couldn’t hold it in any longer. You think it might have been the most fulfilling moment of your life, telling your best friend that you love her and hearing the joy in her voice when she said it back, like a little girl who had just gotten a pony for Christmas.

So you were standing in the bedroom, watching her get undressed from your seat on the bed. You were dead tired, and you knew you should be getting ready for bed yourself, but you were captivated by each new patch of creamy white skin as it was slowly revealed. Then her eyes locked with yours, and you both knew you wouldn’t be sleeping for awhile.