Bette:  You dont understand she pleaded.

She said something but I couldnt hear her.  I didnt matter anyway.  Things could never be the way I wanted them, not now.  I didnt want to feel the way I did about Bette.  I never was really good at love.  I walked away from her feeling the worst I ever felt.  I made my way back up on to the stage and saw her sitting there.  Alice and Dana had returned.  I saw her smile at them, then our eyes met.  I wanted to look away but I couldnt.  I felt the tears starting to well up in my eyes as the words of the song struck me.

You never had a chance, did ya babe
So good lookin, so insecure
And now you say you can’t remember
when the line you drew began to blur
Yeah, when all of this is over
Should I lose you in the smoke
I want you to know you were the one

And may my love travel with you everywhere,
Yeah may My love travel with you always.

Bette had become a blur.  I quickly wiped my eyes trying to hide my tears from the people around me.  I knew Berkley was going to play that song, he loved it.  I loved it too but suddenly it held new meaning.  I couldnt take it anymore, I had to get out of there.  I was back where I started.  How could she lie to me about telling Kristen? Thinking about our day together only made me feel worse.  How could the happiest moment in your life be something you regretted so much?

I ripped off my headset and handed it to some random camera guy.  Byrd would get it back sooner or later.  I quickly pushed my way through the crowed and made it to the parking lot.  I couldnt breath, I couldnt stop the tears.  I couldnt do anything.  I felt so hopeless.  Yet another feeling I loathed. 

–Tinas Apartment–

I climbed in to my car and sped out of the parking lot.  I didnt really know where to go so I just went home.  My empty apartment seemed so lonely.  The bedroom was still in disarray from the events of the afternoon.  Anger was starting to set in.  Well, I couldnt be in there right now, I shut the door and walked in to the kitchen.  I rooted through the fridge, looking for nothing in particular.  I wasnt hungry, thats for sure.  Suddenly I remembered the bottle of Vodka Byrd left in my freezer.  He wont be needing this.  I snatched the frosty bottle out of the fridge.  I quickly unscrewed the cap, it had been a long time since I tasted vodka.  Not since Jens New Year s Eve party our senior year of high school had I tasted the burn of Russias most popular alcohol.  I closed my eyes and took a swig.  It burned, oh did it burn, but it dulled my pain.  I never believed in using alcohol as a crutch but after tonight I didnt care.

I grabbed a shot glass and the vodka then headed in to the living room.  I drank for a while, fighting back the urge to vomit every so often.  It had been a while since the concert ended.  I was sure people might try to find me after my abrupt exit, I got up and turned off the lights.  Darkness was better anyway.  I felt my way back to the futon in the dark, back to my bottle. 

I woke up the next morning, my head was pounding.  I looked up and saw the empty vodka bottle along side various packs of empty cigarettes.  No wonder my lungs felt like they were going to collapse.  Wow, I really felt like *****.  Not like I expected to feel any better anyhow.

I mustered enough energy to stand up, not really the best idea.  I was still kinda drunk.  I walked over to the window, everything seemed to me mocking me.  The sun, the palm trees, the happy people walking down the street.  I cant take this, I gotta get out of here.