Alice and Dana had been walking along the trail, making sure to keep a safe distance from the rest of the group that Alice had apparently alienated just hours before. Sure, Dana attempted to make the day lighter by stepping on the back of Alice’s Chucky T’s and forcing some flat tires along the way, but she wasn’t getting the response she had hoped for. Rather than the normal retaliatory sneak attack, wedgy from behind, Alice appeared lackadaisical, disinterestedand above all, silent. Wait, did I just typesilent??

Dana began to swing her arms from side to side in an exaggerated manner. She even started making clicking sounds with her tongue while humming “If I Were a Rich Girl” to no avail. Usually that did the trick and at the very least got a chuckle out of her. But not this time, nope, something was wrong, something was clearly offsomething was so very definitelyoh no! Dana’s arms stopped swinging and she began to study Alice’s face, ya know, to look for all the tell tale signs ya see.

She could see the evil brewing as the thoughts swirled around in Alice’s head, her eyes darting from side to side, beads of sweat forming on her now concentrated brow. “Don’t even think about it,” Dana whispered, pulling her in close as she clenched her teeth. “What?” Alice said, snapping her shocked melon quickly in Dana’s direction.

“I don’t know but, whatever it is you’re thinking, just, just stop it right now.”

Alice shrugged her shoulders and continued to scope the horizon for clues. What kind of clues? Why, the clues that would get them the ***** outta thereya know, those kinds. “Okay, all I’m thinking is, well, call me crazy, Dana, but this is lame. When I signed us up for a tour of the Grand Canyon, I most certainly didn’t think we would be sitting around a camp fire with those stiffs singin Kumbaya while we chomped granola sticks all night, okay, all I’m sayin.”

Dana: “Al, shut up, they can hear you.”

Alice’s shoulders began to slump, “Dana, they can’t hear *****, they’re singingAGAIN. Am I the only one who can hear them? I mean, it’s echoing all around us, Dana.”

Dana: “Well, you’re the one who insisted we spend our first anniversary in the Grand Canyon, Alice, which I might add, I told you you’d hate. Come to think of it, so did Shane, and Tina, and Bette, and Jenny”

Just then, Alice’s mouth dropped open and she quickly grabbed for Dana’s arm, forcing her to a stop. “Oh my god,” she said. “Oh my god…”

Dana: “What?”

Alice: “I don’t know, but I think we’re saved my love, that’s what.”

Alice stretched out her neck and squinted. “Um, I’m either dehydrated or I see another trail over there.”

Dana looked toward the rest of the group now growing smaller and smaller on the horizon before squinting off a glance in the direction of Alice’s new discovery. “Ohhh yeahI mean, it could be a trailso?”

Alice: “SO? DanaI’m showing you the Gates of Heaven and all you have to say isSO?”

Alice began to smile the devil’s smile before quickly spitting out, “So, I say we make a run for it.”

“No ***** way.”

Alice: “What? Dana, look at them. You really want to spend another night with those people? It’s our first year anniversary and all. Don’t you want to have an adventuremake this trip memorable and fun?”

Alice could sense Dana’s core begin to weaken, come on, did you really think it wouldn’t? “Oh, I don’t know, Alice, I mean.”

Alice waved a nonchalant hand in the group’s direction before going in for the kill. “Oh please, Dana. They won’t even know we’re gonetrust me, they hate us. And uh, well, I’m not exactly gonna miss emha, hear me knockin? Oh, come on, Dana, live a little, let’s make a run for it, it’ll be fun. Just, just think about it, okay, we can sleep ALONE under the stars and, ya know, do other stuff that we couldn’t do last night because we were FORCED to share that old musty tent with the McDougalscome on, Dana. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.”

Dana: “What if we get lostAl.okaywhat if there are animals out there, we really shouldn’t be wondering around out here alone.”

Alice: “Oh, Dana, you can’t get lost in American anymore and besides, you won’t be aloneyou’ll have me. And I don’t know if you know this, but uh, I’ve been to the Grand Canyon many a time, lover. I know this place like the back of my own hand, so, okay, you don’t have to worry about a thing. Everything leads to something. I bet we see a million booths along that trail selling faux Indian fossils and whatever else they’ve raped and pillaged out of this beautiful land to make commercial.”

Dana: “Well that’s a warm and fuzzy, Alice”

Alice looked down at her shoe and began to gently kick some loose rocks to the side as she looked up and flashed the puppy dogs.

“Please, Danafor, for me?”