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The Dying of the Light Part 17
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Numbers control. Dominate. They are our name, a measure of our lives lived, and to travel. It controls time, speed, distance. Space and corporialism.
The very meaning of life is in those numbers.
Pure logic trying to create a sterile world.
Distinct, vacuous. Completely devoid of hope, feeling and redemption.
A statistic.
When a number dies, do the others mourn? Do they care?
Does the binary existence we are all designed for allow room for such feeling? Allow for anything the invade the numbness we were taught, but design or belief to feel?
When one dies – what happens to their number, and those who surround it?
**********
Arriving at the hospital, Alice found Helena and Kit in the waiting room, staring into space.
“Hey?” She called out softly, hoping to gently bring them back into the world.
It was only half an hour since Alice had received the phone call from Tina. She knew immediately that something was wrong, the catch in her voice and the quiver spoke to Alice. It reminded her of when Bette called her all those years ago to tell her that their baby was ‘not viable’; he’d died in the womb.
Instantly Alice began to panic, something was up. She quizzed about Angelica, about Tina until she was shut up by Tina on the other end of the phone. She’ll never forget the words. “Alice, Bette…” it was the catch in Tina’s voice that triggered her own tears. She’d only recently lost Dana, if something happened to Bette she wouldn’t know what to do.
“Helena found her…” If Alice wasn’t sure before that moment, she was sure after it – something terrible had happened. Tina rarely beat around the bush unless it was something she couldn’t talk about. Including Bette, and the word found in her attempt of informing Alice did nothing by reinforced her need to panic.
“She cut her,” it was a sob this time that stopped Tina from talking. The full impact of the event obviously starting to hit her. “Her wrists. Helena found her, held her.”
Alice just nodded, completely dumbfounded. “She need some clothes. can you get Helena some clothes before going to the hospital?”
That signalled the end of the conversation. Tina was obviously in some kind of shock, and Alice wanted nothing more then to jump in the car to make sure her friend was okay. She wanted nothing more then for both of her friends to be okay, the last place on Earth she wanted to be was back in that hospital. Back in the place where she watched Dana… where Dana.
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i wanted to clarify- i don’t ‘dread’ your next post- on the contrary- I can’t wait, i LOVE your writing. i was just anticipating where we might be going. regardless, i am very much along for it!
…”We were fortunate enough to get her back when we were able to get some blood into her system. She is in critical condition and has lost a lot of blood but expected, at this time, to recover…” My rendition of Drs next words.
Surely they were able to bring her back and if memory serves, they did bring her back. On the edge of my seat. PPS
After “lost”, I’m hoping you’re going to continue with “but we were able to revive and stabilize her”. Such an incredible and emotional story. Wonderful writing and I think you’ve portrayed each character realistically and honestly.
Simply amazing. My stomach was in my throat as I read the last page. PPS.
I’m glad to hear that this won’t be a short story, cuz I’m more than ready for a long ride *grin* Can’t wait to see how this will continue… will it be a “but …” by the doc or will you join the exclusive club of a handful of writers who were brave enough to do IT? Ahh, these cliffies always get my head spinning and the craziest scenarios popping up, love it. Thx for sharing ;)
INTENSE doesn’t begin to adequately describe this beautiful chapter. The depths of a profound loss shake each person to the very core. Some are able to rise from the ashes and move forward while others remain mired in their own irrevocable grief. I am projecting that the good doctor allows our beautiful Bette to recover through some emergency transfusion… I’m along for the journey regardless of where you lead.
what???? I sure hope they found her again!! resuscitated her I mean.Suicide is one hell of a legacy to leave someone with. It is the most selfish act that one person can perpetrate on another. And yes, I do know the mind plays awful tricks and leads us down some terrible roads. But suicide to me is never acceptable having lived thru being the survivor in this experience. The suicide gets to be in peace but family and friends never ever recover and time does not heal in this case. Time only makes it worse. In the past 6 years I have experienced the aftermath of 5 suicides. Every survivor is left feeling guilty and with the ‘what if’ question. I have got to the point where I have run out of sympathy for the suicider and just feel anger at the trauma they have left behind.To your authors notes: I am totally for Tina. I get her. I don’t find any of her actions s1-5 questionable. Lots of people can only see ‘Bette’ and Bette’s charisma. They don’t empathize with Tina but I do.Now I hope Bette is alive and able to make amends to her daughter, to Tina and her framily for the self-centered shyt she’s just put them thru.
ACK…I so hope that they’ve managed to help Bette hold on to her life. I know that is takes a lot of strength, courage, love and support to return from such a deep dark place, but I believe that Bette has all of these. I am unsure on how Tina should handle herself and the tenuous relationship that is their “partnership”, but I know that ultimately as the author eloquently stated we are each accountable for ourselves and our decisions. I know that this story at times seems a bit much for me to bear as it hits close to home, but at the same time I wouldn’t want the topic to be handled in a manner less forthcoming or brilliantly accurate. Thank you for your talent and amazing ability to share the haunting ache that sometimes life becomes.
I don’t believe that saying that Tina is not responsible for the choice Bette made to end her life, which I agree with, is the same thing at all as saying Tina has no responsibility for any of this, and I don’t believe that author said this either. The thing that just gets me is Tina’s taking of the baby, Bette’s joy in life. It seems to be thought by some that Angie is just a piece of property that Tina can do with as she likes, and that Bette should just get over not having her. This isn’t something Tina can just say, “oops, my bad, especially since it was clear she was still punishing Bette for the affair and not supporting her.She said she was without Angie for one day and felt like she was going to die..but never seeing her would be “no big deal” to Bette. Bette is supposed to trust her now and think she has Bette’s best interests at heart? Also, in regard to Alice, when she hears that her supposed friend is in grave trouble, her first thought is how that will affect her. Glad to know her priorities are in order. I know Bette is not dead, and I think the dr is an ass for phrasing it in that way. She is not dead, she is going to survive and get help and heal.
Please don’t let Bette leave this way. I’ve just lost a close friend the same way over the christmas hoidays The pain & anger is just too much. Everything & everywhere reminds me of her and my own failure as a friend. Hope all will ends well here in Tibette land. Thanks for sharing.
Lost?? No(((
Dearest Deean: Gosh! We are in shock with the last phrase Doc Kaiser said. Jeeezzz! Let us just breathe deep, because this was VERY intense! First, we were able to visualize all the reactions from everyone around Bette. They were very real. We FELT all of them, including the brilliant description of Helena’s encounter with Bette’s blood. Holy wow, Deean! You are sooo talented! Yep. You left us with our jaws droped to the floor with that last statement. Keep bringing us along the ride you have taken us. You are doing an excellent job here. PPS Hugs and kisses on both your cheeks. – Lucero & Marsha (Proud Salsa Aunties to the ever loving JC and Eunichick)
they might have lost her on the way to the hospital… but i pray they were able to save her when they got there… please …
Somehow i’m sensing a “…however,…” or “…but..” right after the last sentence! I’m being very hopeful
OMG…but they brought her back at the hospital…right? pps
Well they had better bloody find her, cause there is just no way that our Bette is gone, just no way! What an excellent chapter. Your writing is incredible, and I’m sitting here biting my nails in anticipation. PPS or I won’t have any fingers left!
Some of us has been there, they could have force fluids in to her. Blood plamas,and gloses. she had a start on the cut down,so they could have use that to do so, She could have lost to much blood. Someone needs to go see about Tina ad Angie, If Bette doesnt make it Angie will lose a Mother. Thanks
I totally agree with your Author’s note,I believe that each man(woman)is responsible for his own destiny,we create our own heaven and our own hell,”Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.So love the people who treat you right,forget about the ones who don’t andbelieve that everything happens for a reason.If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it.Nobody said that it’d be easy……” What a master piece you’ve got going here,brilliant!!!
LOST!!!!, oh!, god, pleasee, go on with the story, you can´t leave us like this. pleaseeeeee, post soon.
Hello My Most Beautiful Dee… “Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sightBlind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” – DT… I believe one of our first discussions together was one of the inspirations for your beautiful story… I can so feel and understand Alice’s devastation… how can one survive losing… and then losing and losing again… if feels like a cycle… it’s a deep pit that consumes your soul… for someone as light as Alice it is the worst kind of hell… you lose not only your identity but your soul joy in life… laughter… it becomes so alien to you that you don’t ever think you will get it back… as much as I feel Tina needs to stay away… where the heck is everyone… yes I understand Bette did something so unfathomable but they have to realize that Tina needs someone just as much as Bette it will not help anyone at all if Tina falls into the same state that Bette currently resides… Angelica can heal… she is pure innocence as Tina said or thought more like it; “This was evidence of a relationship that loved beyond reason, and created her with hope.” Yes there are a lot of things that need to be fixed before anyone can move on… but still where is Tina’s family when she needs them… ahhhhhh you awaken something so wonderful within me… something buried… something not forgotten just not realized in such a long time… thank you my wonderful friend… for your words… for your sheer desire to tell this story that only you can tell… and well if ever you need me… you never have to hesitate I am and will always be here for you… mucho love and hugs, JC (Latin Nephew to those Salsa Angels and ever loving Cuzzie to the ever talented Eunichick and Newly Crowned Cuzzie to T_Daze)
your use of imagery is amazing Dee. I’ll echo Lucero, the portrait of Helena saturated in Bette’s blood is particularly wrenching. the optimist in me is completing your final sentence with a ‘however…’ But if there is no ‘however’, i’m dreading your next post. I can’t imagine how Tina will recover from this. Like you, I don’t cast any blame on her, but I suspect Tina will feel differently. ugh.
i totally agree with ur author’s note everyone is responsible for their own actions or reactions in this case. okay before i bug out u need to update and finish what the doctor was saying please…:)PPS