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The Dying of the Light Part 20
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Tina had fallen asleep on the lounge after long hours of tears, fears and recriminations; head pillowed on her arm, and a light blanket covering her. Shane was sitting on the floor beside her, slighting stroking Tina’s hair.
“I don’t get it.” She whispered to Carmen who was sitting on the chair to her right. Looking up, she repeat, “I don’t get it.”
Smiling wanly, Carmen joins Shane on the floor enfolding her in her arms. “What don’t you get?” Carmen had a feeling she knew what it was, but it was important for Shane to say it.
“Them.” Shane started her body tensing, “Alone and together. I don’t.” She trailed off, running her hands through her cropped hair, trying to abate the anxiousness.
“What the fuck was Bette thinking?” She yelled, springing to her feet, pacing back and forward across the room. “She has a daughter, what – does she plan to abandon her too?” Arms moving wildly, she started to walk faster, as if in time with her rapid thoughts. “She knows what the fuck that’s like, but she doesn’t care?”
Stopping by the lounge she bent down to kiss Tina on the forehead and tuck the blanket around her more securely. “And to do this to Tina. To all of us? I don’t get it.” A breath, “I don’t ever fucking want to.” Shane’s voice broke in the last words, and tears filled her eyes.
Hearing this, Carmen moved to hug Shane close. “It wasn’t about us Shane, it was about her.” Carmen tried to explain, wanting to calm her wife.
“Fucking selfish.” Shane spat, turning around and drawing Carmen closer.
“Not intentionally.” Carmen stated, knowing that she couldn’t deny the selfishness of the action, thought she was sure Bette didn’t see it that way. “When you hurt, you want to shut the world out Shane. Booze, drugs and sex.”
Shane nodded, taking a deep breath and capturing the scent of Carmen’s spicy shampoo. It was addictive, attractive and arousing. She wondered where Carmen was going. How it would make her understand Bette’s actions.
“Bette retreated into the darkness, and she wanted to hide forever. To never come up. It’s not so different.” Carmen whispered, pulling Shane closer when she felt the wetness of her tears on her shirt. “Not so different at all.”
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There may be an occasion when it’s good to be brutally honest with a friend, I guess… but I don’t think that to do so when they are lying at death’s door is the time or place. Alice’s emotions may have been honest but it also sounded alot to me like “how could you do this to ME, see how hard this is for ME,” when it’s not about Alice. I liked how Carmen made Shane understand how Bette feels. To numb out with booze or sex, or drugs, as Shane and Alice and everyone else there does, is doing the exact same thing as Bette wanted to do, just stop hurting,and to be angry at that is being selfish on their parts a bit, as well as their obliviousness to the fact that she was failing and they didn’t see it. Just wanted to slap Shane when she said, “how could Bette do this to tina!” Right….it’s Tina’s feelings that need to be considered….Most excellent fic…most excellent.
I’m hoping that somewhere deep down Bette heard what Alice had to say. OH…not sure where you are in the world but I would be your personal fanner to get out of this artic cold. : ) pps
That was brilliantly written! I could feel every emotion Alice let out! That’s the mark of a true friend, to be brutely honest when you need it. PPS
wonderfully written written you could feel all their emotions.:)PPS
Hi, sweet Deean! Indeed the ripples of such traumatic experience, like suicide, expand to those around the person who takes that decision. We totally understand the reaction of all the gals around Bette. We believe that Alice’s frustration and attitude was very realistic. Dana fought to have the chance to live and Bette did the contrary. Now, Bette needs to pull her shit together and start fighting to get out of the darkness she sank in. What a great chapter, dear friend. So full of emotions, desperation, frustration and pain. But that is exactly what happens whenever these events occur. PPS Hugs & kisses on both your cheeks. – Lucero & Marsha (Proud Salsa Aunties to the ever loving JC and Eunichick)
Excellent chappie to feel there rage and anger and despair and overwhelming pain. And I will quite happily volunteer as fanner #2, but expect payment in the form of margaritas!
It took me awhile to catch up with this story (because there were just so many chapters, not that I’m complaining) but I’m really glad I took the time to sit down to read them all. I have to say, Dee, your praises are being sung to me all the time and I have to really apologize for my late arrival to your story. I’m really enjoying your story because it’s different, daring and definitely one of a kind. No one on this site dares to take a chance with storylines; most of the stories are always so safe. Yours stands out amongst the rest like a beacon of light. This chemistry between Bette and Helena as friends is one that is so tender, and Alice as the protective best friend…I can totally understand why she would have screamed that to Bette in the ward. It’s so painful to see someone you love fall so deep into abyss, and knowing that there is sometimes nothing you can do to pull them from that, can make one feel so incredibly helpless…angry…a myriad of emotions really. But I do hope that Bette finds the support she is looking for from the friends and family who have been by her side throughout her journey. I, on the other hand, am definitely in for this ride. PPS. (:
Hello My Most Entrancing Friend… I cannot tell you just how much my soul has wept from this incredible story… but this chapter… this place and this time was absolutely breathtaking… I felt myself completely lose my sense of time and place as I took in the words… and just kept on drinking of there essense…
“Maybe I spent hours covered in the blood of someone I cared about. I held her. I tried.” A sob caught, and she swallowed it. She wasn’t going to cry, not here.
I remember when a dear special friend of mine passed away… I found another friend overdosed in her home… she was none responsive and I held her… she didn’t make it but I remember holding her and holding her and never letting go… I can still feel her in my arms… I can still feel her… Song I Listened to…love and hugs, always and forever, JC (Latin Nephew to those Salsa Angels and the ever loving Cuzzie to the ever talented Eunichick and Personal Fanner to the Incredibly Talent Deean)