I call Kit and tell her I am coming home. I ask her not to tell the others, all in good time. I can tell Kit is excited. I do not ask about Tina but I do ask about the house. Before I left I told Tina to do what she wanted with it. Kit tells me that it is still there, just how it always was. Tina keeps it well but does not live there. That I understand. I am not sure why she did not sell it but she must have her reasons. I ask Kit to do me one other favour, collect the Saab. I have missed the Saab. Kit says she will pick me up from the airport. I deliberately book a flight that will get me in late Fri night. Why I am not sure, I should not have to sneak into my own city and home,

On the flight home I think about Alice and how we fought, Shane and how she wanted to stay friends with us both, how she tried not to judge me, Dana and how she never knew what to say about it all. I think about Tee, will we be able to be friends, is she seeing someone, where does she work ? I think about the odd postcard I sent her, did it mean anything to her, or would she rather I didn’t bother, I think about the time I called Kit’s phone and she answered it. We had a brief but nice conversation, mostly out of surprise. I have held onto the way she asked me if I was doing ok, the same way she would have before. Did she really mean it ? I heard from Kit that Tina didn’t take to me leaving well, I left a note for her but said no goodbyes in person. I don’t know what Kit meant by ‘didn’t take to it well’, I never asked. I must have dozed off, the plane lands and I make through customs and to my way to Kit, who has the biggest smile and hug for her baby sister. Unashamedly I let the tears roll down my face, a mixture of happiness, sadness and relief to be home. I hug her tight. She tells me it is good to see me, good to have me home. Kit studies me unsure of the emotions I express freely. This is a part of me Kit doesn’t yet know of. Still, I do not ask about Tina. I know Kit will want to take me to her house. We chat on the way.

Bette : “Kit, I know you were expecting me to stay with you, would you mind if I go home?”

Kits head swings around faster than a formula one car “What do mean by home, baby girl ?” Kit is onto me straight away.

Bette : “My home Kit, Tina and my house” I say it simply, no fanfare.

Kit : “you sure you want to do that ?”

Bette : “yes” is all I say. I know Tina is not living there, I have to live somewhere. I will somehow OK it with Tina but not tonight. It is after all my house too.

Kit stops off and picks up the essentials, sparkling water, milk, coffee, a bagel for breakfast and the unromantic toilet paper I wait in the car. It is late but it’s LA, there are lots of lights. It is good to be home in LA but I cannot help but wonder what my home will look and feel like. We reach our house, after what seems an eternity. I look out the window, it is dark, I can’t see clearly. I hesitate just a second too long.

Kit : “Bette, honey you don’t have to do this tonight, are you really sure ?” She puts the car in gear. “Lets do it tomorrow when you’ve had some sleep”.

Bette : I reach out and put my arm on hers to stop her. “I am really sure. Let’s do it now.” I open the door, get out the car and step on the grass. I think to myself “breathe, just breathe.” I mutter to myself “welcome home Bette.”