I guess the question is now, what is Bette doing home, has she come to finish up our business or has she come for something else ? In retrospect I wish I’d told Bette that I was pregnant, perhaps she would have stayed in LA. I didn’t deliberately hide Laurel from Bette, it is just that I spoke to Bette only once in 18 months, when she called Kit’s phone and I picked it up. We were both so shocked, no one knew what to do or say. The conversation was polite and quick. And the truth is I did not know how to get in contact with Bette when she away. Bette made it known she didn’t want to be contacted, sure she didn’t say that, she didn’t even bother to say goodbye, she just left, that is Bette’s way of letting you know, don’t bother. I remember my anger surfacing when I realized Bette had left, I was ***** furious, how could she leave me pregnant and on my own, Bette always running away, the same old anger. I never in my wildest dreams believed Bette would just go off somewhere. I never knew where Bette traveled from her although I know she told Kit it that she visited England, Russia, Estonia, Finland, Prague, Wales, France, Italy and I bet there were more places too. I saw the look in Bette’s eyes at Dana’s, I know she still loves me, the way she spoke so softly to me, she is no longer angry with me for leaving her, that I can tell. But does she want me in her life, she hasn’t shown any overtures to that. I let myself into the house and surprised her, she certainly didn’t seem angry about that, understandably she was upset about Laurel. If anything Bette seemed unsure of how to deal with me. I was embarrassed when she caught me showing Laurel photos of her and I together, not because I don’t want Laurel to know her, God I have wanted that more than anything but Bette walked in at a time where I had that lost in nostalgia look happening. If she noticed, she didn’t say so. Bette is not always so good with those things, noticing the small things. Is it fair for me to expect anything from Bette ? She has made it clear that she wants to see laurel regularly and I am greatful for that because I want Laurel to know Bette and a little selfishly I will get to see Bette regularly too. I can tell Laurel likes Bette already. Bette rushed off from Dana’s, I wanted to tell her about Sam, before she found out another way but I didn’t know Bette was going to be there. Surely Bette didn’t think there would have no others in my life, did she ? I saw when Bette shook Sam’s hand there was no conviction in it but to Bette’s credit she did not eat Sam alive. I tried to catch Bette before she left, eventually I found her out the front with Kit but Bette just got in the cab and left. I don’t know Bette, I don’t know what to do, how you want me in your life, do you want me in your life ? I still love you why can’t you see that. I kissed the photo goodnight. “Good night Bette.” I close my diary.  “Bette don’t be angry with me, I was just doing what I had to, like you. I hope you are OK.” I say it out loud.