By: Dreiser




Should God actually exist, they had to have the most perverse sense of humor. That’s what Dana believed anyway. What else could explain her being an extraordinarily talented athlete who for some unknown reason was cursed to also be one of the clumsiest creatures on Earth?

Thirty three seconds into picking up the strewn clothing that she helped vacate from their previous home inside of a posh leather suitcase, Dana realized someone was talking to her. And it wasn’t just anyone either. It was Tina talking to her.

She blinked vaguely at her friend, seeing her speak, watching her form the words, but at the same time not really hearing them. What was Tina doing here?

The blank expression on Dana’s face told Tina quite clearly that the tennis player wasn’t with her. Sighing quietly, Tina lifted a lone eyebrow and snapped her fingers in front of blue eyes. When Dana jolted out of her self induced suitcase packing hypnosis, Tina said dryly, “Welcome back.”

“What are you doing here?” Dana voiced her thoughts as she always did. Before her brain could manage to stop her. Wincing now, Dana picked up the final piece of clothing which happened to be a black silk bra. Turning red from head to toe, Dana jerked her gaze to one side and thrust the bra towards Tina. “I meant to say… uhm… okay, I did mean to say what are you doing here. But in nicer tones that are definitely non-bitchy!” she exclaimed rapidly, looking to Tina only to dart her eyes away again as she realized Tina was still holding the black silk bra in her hands.

Chuckling fondly, Tina shook her head and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as she closed the suitcase to hide the item that was causing Dana embarrassment. This singular action on the brunette’s part got rid of any questions Tina might have had as to why Alice was in love with Dana. What had just happened was the best answer that Tina could have ever hoped to receive. Because in this Tina saw what Alice and a few select others had before her. And that was the realization that Dana could be devastatingly charming in her fumbled but earnest social dealings. When you added in the perfectly toned body that only an athlete in their prime could possess, Dana Fairbanks painted an extremely pretty picture.

“All clear, the bra is packed. No danger of seeing anymore pieces of random lingerie on the loose,” said Tina teasingly. When Dana didn’t begin her usual ‘I’m such a geek’ speech, she frowned and ducked her head to study the tense features of her friend. “Dana,” she murmured worriedly. “What’s going on?” The frown deepening, Tina glanced back at the apartment building as if by doing so she would be able to see inside and discover if Alice matched Dana’s current emotional condition. A protective streak emerged in Tina for the welfare of the woman who helped her so much in the past 24 hours and when she spoke again her voice held an underlined warning. “What happened?”

“I can’t do it,” Dana whispered, her tones trembling and quiet enough that Tina had to strain to properly hear her. “I told her that. I told her that I can’t do it. That I just can’t risk it.”

Tina could feel the frown settle firmly on her face and she sighed, standing to then take Dana’s hands, pulling her up from the odd crouching position they both had been in. After this took place Dana snapped out of her stupor much like she had done seconds earlier. She hurriedly looked at Tina then at the suitcase she held and then at Tina before settling her eyes back on the suitcase.

“Why do you have a suitcase?” asked Dana, genuinely perplexed. Lifting her gaze to lock eyes with Tina, she continued, “Why do you have a suitcase that has your clothes in it and why are you taking the suitcase to Alice’s apartment?”

Releasing a sardonic chuckle, Tina averted her eyes and murmured, “I guess she didn’t tell you. I might as well deliver the news myself. I’m going to have to get used to talking about it, after all. Given how fast gossip tends to spread in our community.”

“Tina,” said Dana hesitantly. She felt her heart sink and she just knew. Something in her knew exactly what Tina was about to say. She knew that she was going to be given yet another example of how love, while bringing happiness, can also cause a limitless amount of pain. “Where’s Bette?”

“Bette,” Tina spat the name out derisively, “is at the house. She’s been having an affair with Candace, the carpenter she hired to work at the CAC. I’ve left her and Alice is letting me stay at her place. That’s why I have a suitcase,” drawled Tina with sad and ironic humor while a matching smile formed on her face. Tilting her head to one side, causing a lock of blonde hair to fall in front of hazel eyes, she said, “Any questions?”

There it was. The final nail going into the coffin that contained the Dana/Alice relationship in her mind. If Bette and Tina couldn’t make it work how in the world could she manage? Alice she had more confidence in… she would be happy someday. Just not with Dana. Not in romance, anyway. If they were to try that Dana was sure she would mess things up and lose Alice completely.

“I’m sorry, Tina,” said Dana starkly. Her expression illustrated sheer exhaustion, as if she had finally surrendered in a long internal struggle and was trying to come to grips with the ramifications. “I thought that you and Bette would make it. That you would be the lucky exception to my rule.” Dana opened her mouth to say something more but stopped herself and instead gathered Tina in her arms to murmur in her ear, “Call me if you need anything. I mean anything.”

“I will,” said Tina. She returned the hug, relishing the strength of her friend. It was when Dana opened the door to her Outback did she think to ask, “What rule?” When Dana didn’t immediately turn to reply, Tina took a step forward and called out again, this time louder. “What rule, Dana?”

Keeping her back to Tina, her tan shoulders bunched and her body rigid, Dana spoke soft but steady, somehow loud enough for her friend to hear. “The rule I have about romances.” Stepping inside her car to sit behind the wheel, Dana kept the door open and locked a piercing blue gaze on Tina, sorrowful but unwavering in its power. Then she said matter of factly, “They always end.”

By the time that Tina could formulate any kind of response, Dana and her car were long gone. Releasing an annoyed sigh, Tina muttered, “That was very dramatic indeed, Miss Dana.” Shaking her head, she walked inside, now intent on her new mission of checking on Alice.

When she opened the door to Alice’s apartment, Tina was greeted with the sight of her friend sprawled on her incredibly tacky looking couch. She was clad in a pair of worn hip hugger jeans, a faded yellow t-shirt that said in large red block letters ‘Bling Bling 100 Grand’, and the blue cardigan sweater jacket that she’d been wearing when Tina first left. Sensing Tina’s presence or maybe hearing it thanks to the sound of the apartment door opening and closing, Alice lazily moved her right arm from where it rested covering her eyes and peered at Tina.

“How did it go?” asked Alice, concern laced in both her voice and body language. Watching attentively as Tina put down the leather suitcase and realizing the question served the purpose of getting Tina to talk if she felt the need. Because it was fairly evident things hadn’t gone well.

“Badly,” Tina replied and they shared pained smiles only having the unhappy knowledge of truth could cause. Sitting down on the couch, she lifted Alice’s legs to rest them on her lap as she sank onto the ugly plush cushions. Resting her head back against the couch and staring up at the ceiling like she had seen Alice do so many times before, Tina wondered what her friend looked at up there. The only thing she saw were tons of tiny dots. Maybe Alice counted the dots, Tina reasoned. Contemplating the mystery this presented for a few moments, she eventually met inquisitive brown eyes that had been patiently waiting and asked, “Do you want a roommate?”

Instead of answering, Alice pushed herself into a sitting position and wrapped an arm around Tina’s waist. Pulling her close so they sat side by side with no room between them, her head falling to rest naturally on her companion’s shoulder. They sat like that for what seemed like an eternity. Neither of them speaking a word but their comfortable silence saying volumes. That was all the answer that either of them would require.

—

Right in between the reverberations of bongo drums and the whale song cd was when Shane decided she needed to find a new place to live. And it had to be absent of the people she was currently sharing space with. It wasn’t that Shane didn’t like them. I mean, it was a difficult task making Shane dislike someone. That just wasn’t who she was. Shane liked people.

She was a people person which was a good trait to have when someone enjoyed having ***** as much as Shane did. People who don’t like people don’t tend to have a lot of ***** with people.

Running that sentence through her mind, Shane buried her head underneath her pillow and muttered, “*****. I don’t make sense. The whale noises are making me not make sense.”

There was nothing Shane hated more than not being coherent. All her life she had worked hard to choose her words carefully as to ensure she wouldn’t be misunderstood. Usually it worked. Then again, usually she wasn’t listening to bongo drums now combined with whale song cds and… ugh… what the ***** was that? Bagpipes? She really didn’t want to know.

Adding to the cacophony of sound was Shane’s cell phone which was now ringing. Buried underneath a pair of her vinyl pants near the floor by her bed, it was playing the ringtone she had programmed for just one person.

“Fairbanks,” drawled Shane by way of a greeting, answering the phone and hanging halfway off her messy bed, her forehead touching the floor. “What’s up?”

“I need to talk to someone who can understand,” Dana said in a rush, causing Shane to frown at the bizarre start of this conversation and the desperation entrenched in her friend’s voice. “Will you have breakfast with me, Shane? I need to talk to someone who can understand.”

“Slow down,” instructed Shane, trying her best to soothe Dana. “I’ll talk to you about whatever you need. I promise you that. But first you gotta tell me what’s going on.”

“I need your help, Shane,” murmured Dana tersely. “That’s what is going on. I’m calling because I need your help. I need to know how to deal with something and only you can tell me how.”

“Which is?” asked Shane, reluctant to hear the answer.

A pause and then Dana said bleakly, “Hurting someone that loves you. Hurting someone you love.”

Silence again as Shane pondered these words. Running them through her mind over and over while she tried to find the perfect response until she at last decided there wasn’t one.

“Where do you want to meet?” she said instead.

The relief in Dana’s voice when she replied told Shane she had chosen her words correctly. Which was good for her because it was something Shane took pride in, being able to say the right thing to make a person feel better. From the way Dana sounded that was something she could use.

And Shane couldn’t help but wonder why.

—

“That was without a doubt the worst ***** I’ve ever seen,” Tina remarked, taking large handfuls of potato chips from the bag and munching on them. “I don’t know why I’m surprised though. The title Playmate of the Apes should’ve told me all I needed to know about this film.”

“Are you insulting one of the pinnacles of Misty Mundae’s illustrious career?” asked Alice, sounding vaguely horrified. She waved her hands at the television screen where the movie was coming to an end. “I’ll have you know that Playmate of the Apes is among the finest examples of erotic film parody the industry currently has to offer.”

“Al, come on. This movie has an ape named Dr. Cornholius who makes the two female leads perform a rap song in order to prove humans have working brains,” laughed Tina incredulously, thoroughly enjoying the meaningless debate they were engaged in.

“Don’t forget they also have a dance number,” said Alice in sober tones, nodding her head. “And rhythm is so key to proving that humans have brains. Monkeys don’t dance.”

“Apes, Al,” Tina couldn’t stop laughing. There was something just incredibly funny about having this discussion. “They’re apes! You don’t even know what these things are. Have you really watched this movie? Not that I blame you if you haven’t been paying attention. Then again, how sad would it be if you owned a movie you’ve never actually watched?”

Noticing the credits were rolling, Alice wiggled out from underneath the pile of blankets they’d buried themselves under on the couch and walked over to the television. Ejecting the dvd, Alice sniffed in disdain at Tina’s words. “I’m not listening to you anymore. You were prejudiced against this fine film the moment you found out the main character’s name was Gaylor.”

“Gaylor, oh god. I nearly forgot!” declared Tina, rolling her eyes and flopping back onto the couch. “That is the stupidest name I’ve ever heard. Who names their kid Gaylor? And what sort of astronaut lets all her clothing get stolen five seconds into landing on a dangerous planet?”

“Sorry, I’m currently ignoring all complaints from the unenlightened masses,” Alice said in sing song tones, putting the dvd back in its case and walking over to the cabinet where she kept her extensive collection. Frowning thoughtfully, she studied them and murmured, “What next?”

Hearing a tortured groan from the couch, she couldn’t help but smile softly. Despite her friend’s loud protests she knew the idiocy of these films were helping improve Tina’s mood. Sometimes nothing made you feel better than having a good old fashioned laugh. Which was why Alice decided to share the funniest movies she owned with her friend. They all just happened to be bad pornos.

“All right,” said Alice dramatically, turning around and holding a dvd in each hand. “The infidel may choose our next fine viewing experience. Which will it be? Lord of the G-Strings: Femaleship of the String or The Girl Who Shagged Me?” Tina burst into laughter upon hearing the titles and Alice rolled her eyes. Shaking the dvds menacingly at Tina, she said huffily, “If you don’t pick then I will and I have a feeling you won’t like what I choose.”

“I have a feeling I won’t like either of these,” replied Tina, her laughter calming and wiping the tears from her eyes she took a deep breath. “Okay,” she wheezed slightly, “I’m fine now. I know what to watch… Gaylor has instructed me from a monkey filled planet far far away to watch the awfulness that will no doubt be the Lord of the G-Strings.”

“A wise decision from Gaylor,” said Alice seriously, moving to put the dvd in before scrambling to jump on the couch. Snuggling underneath the blankets, she stole some chips from Tina’s hands and commented, “They have great costumes in this one. The best part is the super ***** boy elf.”

“You mean to say they’re wearing clothing in this?” asked Tina giving a good impression of disappointed disgust. “That is a travesty. I’m not sure I can enjoy watching this if it has clothed people in it. After all,” she sighed, looking melancholy, “we have to have some standards.”

Studying her companion for a long moment, Alice narrowed brown eyes then said, “Mock if you must but you have yet to witness the power of the sparkly green lederhosen.”

“Oh god,” Tina laughed at just imagining it and she immediately faced the television where the movie was starting. “I can’t wait to see this.”

“And another is converted by the power of Mundae,” said Alice sagely, following suit and getting comfortable for another quality viewing experience.

—

“Bette cheated on Tina,” murmured Shane in something close to shock. Running her fingers through her perpetually unruly locks, she sighed deeply. “That’s so fucked up.”

“To say the least,” Dana replied, sounding altogether subdued and not like herself. Then again, she’d been like that since the initial phone call and that alone made the usually indiferrent Shane curious.

“What’s really going on with you, Fairbanks?” Shane questioned, steadily looking at Dana until the tennis player finally met her gaze. “I get you want to talk but what about?”

Dana looked over the restaurant, something easily done from their hidden booth in the back that she’d requested in hope of having some meager privacy and said softly, “I’m sorry how I treated you when I was closeted. It was thoughtless and cruel. Especially considering what we have in common.”

“You’re losing me, babe,” said Shane with quiet concern, her brow furrowed as she tried to understand this new side to Dana. “You gotta explain a little better for the kid on the short bus.”

“Romance and relationships,” said Dana simply, looking at Shane with a solemn gaze. “What’s the first thing you think of when they come to mind?”

Tilting her head and wondering what the ***** this was all about, Shane shrugged, seeing no problem in giving an honest answer. “That they’re way too ***** complicated and I don’t like that.” Forming a lopsided smirk, she drawled, “I’m a fan of keeping things simple, you know?” Studying Dana carefully, Shane asked, “What do you think of?”

“They end,” said Dana with wry and empty humor, a perverse smile pulling on her lips. “Or they just don’t last or they have no chance at all. Either way, it’s all the same result.”

“I gotta say I’m surprised to hear you talk this way, Fairbanks,” remarked Shane, nodding at the waitress when she arrived and placed their food orders in front of them. Absently cutting her pancake with her fork, Shane looked up at Dana and gave a small smile. “I figured you to be the type to believe in happily ever after Disney fairytales.”

“Why? Because I can count the amount of people I’ve had ***** with on one hand?” asked Dana, lifting her fork to take a bite of the fruit salad and grimacing as she recalled her first meeting with Alice. At the memory, she dropped the fork into the bowl, making a loud clang and she in continued bitter, almost harsh, tones, “We’re afraid of the same thing, Shane. That’s what we have in common. I’ve known that since the first time I met you. We’re both terrified of the idea of someone really knowing us, of them getting close enough to see who we are underneath all the layers of fake bullshit we put out there. Because we think if they see who we really are they’ll leave like that,” Dana finished, snapping her fingers for emphasis.

“Okay,” replied Shane softly, her green eyes veiled and studying her friend, she knew Dana was telling her the complete truth. Maybe for the first time in her life. “What’re you saying then? That I push people away by making it about nothing but the ***** and you, what? Do it by just not having ***** at all?” Shane couldn’t help but chuckle at this. “Since you’re the celebrity among us shouldn’t the positions be switched?”

Miserable and angst ridden as she was, Dana turned red at Shane’s words and scowling upon feeling her cheeks heat up she muttered, “Shut up. It’s not funny.”

“How come you’re telling me this?” asked Shane, spearing another piece of pancake and taking a bite. “Why now?”

Dana’s jaw tightened, a tick emerging in it, and looking across the restaurant, she said, “Things have happened.”

“Yeah? What things?” questioned Shane who paused in mid pour, holding a container of maple syrup in hand. “The ***** with Bette and Tina or something else?”

“Oh, it’s definitely something else,” answered Dana with an agitated laugh that caused Shane to lift an eyebrow in speculation. “That I can safely say.”

“Is it Tonya?” Shane pursued gently. “Did you guys have a fight or something and you’re not sure when it comes to the engagement? Because that sorta thing is natural.” Unable to stop herself, Shane released a sharp bark of laughter and muttered, “Hard not to have doubts, I guess. What with all that’s going on…”

“I wish it was Tonya,” said Dana wryly, the same empty humor from before shining in blue eyes. Averting her gaze because she wasn’t sure she could actually look someone in the face, especially one of her friends, and say what came next. “I don’t love Tonya. I never have. You want to ask why?” questioned Dana, bobbing her head and looking slightly manic. “Oh, the answer’s pretty simple. I can’t love Tonya because I love someone else. I have for years now, I’ve just been hiding it.”

For the first time in a very long while, Shane McCutcheon found herself stunned into silence and unable to formulate any kind of response. She simply stared blankly at Dana for what seemed like endless moments then she cleared her throat and in her permanently husky tones, she reflected on Dana’s confession. “You’ve been hiding it,” repeated Shane skeptically. “From who? Yourself? Your friends? Or the chick you’re in love with?”

“All the above,” said Dana, matching the underlined sarcasm that was evident in Shane’s words. “I know, it’s so shocking that a person who spent most of their adult life in the closet could manage to hide something like being in love.” Dana snorted and taking a drink of her juice, she muttered, “I’ve been doing this since I was sixteen and I’m sorry, Shane, it’s just not that easy for me to suddenly stop. Even now, I’m supposed to be all out and proud and god, I am,” Dana’s eyes filled with tears of frustration, “but I can’t give up these stupid secrets! It scares me too much, Shane.” Bright blue eyes searched dark green and Dana said almost desperately, “You understand, don’t you?”

“Not really, Dane,” admitted Shane giving an ironic smile, running her fingers through her messy locks of hair. “But I get where you are coming from. I feel the same but man…” Sighing deeply, she looked away from Dana only to return her gaze after a moment. “I hate gossip but I gotta know. If it’s not Tonya, then who are you in love with? Is it that chef of yours? Lara?”

Logically Dana knew telling Shane wasn’t the same as telling Alice but somehow, strangely, it was. And fear rising in her throat, she tore her gaze from her companion and focused on the sight of a family getting ready to leave the restaurant. The mother putting the jacket on their little boy, the father gently placing the baby girl in her carrier, the oldest sister gathering up all the toys. Her family never looked like that. They ate out together, yes, but it wasn’t like that… it wasn’t warm and it wasn’t caring. It was a formal and cold affair and more often than not Dana wondered while growing up if the only thing that linked them was genetics. Certainly the love didn’t appear to be there.

“It’s not Lara,” whispered Dana, concentrating on the family she never had and thought she never would have. Dragging her gaze to her friend who looked at her with such concern she felt her throat constrict at the sight. “She loves me, Shane. Really loves me. She told me that today. And I’m so afraid of losing her that I can’t be with her and it’s killing me,” Dana revealed hoarsely, the restrained sorrow evident in her every word.

“Who?” Shane asked again, patiently waiting.

Turning her eyes back to the family who were now say goodbye to the waitress, watching as the father gave her an apparently hefty tip, Dana gathered what little courage she possessed and for the first time in her life, said the words. Told the truth about who she was and exactly who she loved. Had faithfully loved for years and would continue to love.

“Alice,” said Dana in a hushed confession. Watching the family leave, the door closing behind them, walking to their car, smiles on their faces, the love behind each action. Facing a stunned Shane, she continued softly, “I’m in love with Alice. It’s always been her, from the very beginning.” Dana’s voice broke on her final words. “And I’m starting to think she loves me too.”

For an unwarranted second time, Shane found herself lacking the proper words to voice her thoughts. So she did the only thing that she could think of. She stood up and moved to sit next to Dana in their booth, gathering the woman who was shaking with sobs and holding her close to try and ease the pain. Though part of her was taken aback to hear it was Alice who Dana loved another part wasn’t. They fit together somehow and to Shane it was right, the idea of them as a couple.

All she had to do was help Dana try and overcome her fear. Absently smoothing the tennis player’s wavy locks as her crying slowed into occasional gasping sobs, Shane knew this wasn’t going to be an easy task. But she couldn’t help but be optimistic because it WAS Alice that Dana was in love with. And if Alice felt the same as Dana did, Shane knew that the journalist wasn’t the type to roll over and give up at the first sign of trouble. That just wasn’t her style. No, Alice would fight for what she wanted and who she loved until her last breath.

Huh.

Maybe hooking them up wouldn’t be that hard after all.

—

There were a lot of places that Tina had been in Los Angeles but staring at the rundown building in front of her and avoiding eye contact with the men covered in tattoos that were standing in front of it taking a smoke, she realized there were even more she hadn’t been. Perhaps that was a good thing, she thought nervously while Alice locked the mini and came over to her.

“Al,” Tina said in low tones though she had no idea why precisely she was speaking so softly. “Why are we here? I thought you said you were going to show me something special. Looking at this place, somehow I’m doubting that.”

“Why? Because the name of the bar is Police Line or the fact that it has ‘Do Not Cross’ painted across the door in huge yellow letters?” asked Alice, chuckling at her joke and pulling Tina inside the bar, giving an absent wave to the men outside who, to Tina at least, grinned knowingly at Alice. “Trust me when I say this isn’t a hangout for local cops. It’s anything but.”

Instead of responding, Tina warily looked around the bar and wondered why they were there. They had spent all day inside Alice’s apartment, watching bad *****, talking, crying, and laughing for good measure. Then when ten o’clock rolled around and Tina asked if they should stay inside or go out because she somehow felt equally inclined to do either just to keep her mind from her personal life, Alice leapt to her feet and ran from the room with phone in hand saying she knew exactly what they should do. Before Tina knew it, they were getting dressed in casual club attire. Though Alice was dressed a little unusual, even for herself, in a pair of pants that were partially jean and leather, a short sleeved white shirt that said ‘clone’, and black Doc Martens. Tina had never seen Alice wear clothes like this and while it did take her surprise, she still found it attractive nonetheless.

Eyes adjusting to the dark and smoky atmosphere of the bar, Tina thought she could’ve figured out for herself it wasn’t a cop bar after looking at it for a second. The patrons were a mix of all types, they were *****, straight, punkers, preps, and a couple of bikers thrown in for fun. There was a decent sized stage on the far side of the room, an elevated area in the far right corner where a few round tables sat, while the left side was completely taken up by an long bar that had its back wall covered with liquors of every type and color. The center of the club was large and empty, making Tina think it was there either as a dance floor or just a place for the crowd to gather during the shows.

Currently there were around a hundred or so people milling about the club and just as Tina started to ask Alice why they were there someone boisterously called the blonde’s name. Turning with Alice to face the culprit, Tina blinked at the sight of a man pretty enough to be a girl rushing their way. His spiky hair was dyed blue and every inch of his thin arms that were revealed by his blank tank top was covered in tattoos. Her expression grew more amused and curious as he shrieked Alice’s name again this time in a type of odd ecstasy while hugging her enthusiastically. Meeting Tina’s gaze from where her chin was resting on his shoulder, Alice mouthed largely yet silently, “***** boy.”

Unable to help herself, Tina burst into laughter like she had done countless times already and the man turned from Alice to her with an interested look on his sharp features. “Ali baby,” he chastised and released an overdramatic sigh. “You didn’t tell me that you were bringing some of your women folk with you! I demand an introduction and quickly.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Alice rolled her eyes playfully. Wrapping an arm around Tina’s waist to pull her close, she said, “Tina this is Ed. Ed this is Tina. There. You got your quickie introduction. Happy?” Though she said this in sardonic tones there was a humorous twinkle in brown eyes, making her fondness for the man before her entirely obvious.

“I’m quivering with delight, I’m sure,” drawled Ed, sounding naughty and wiggling his eyebrows in a manner that Tina had seen Alice use many times. “So!” he declared, focusing on Tina, and clapping his hands as he said the word as if using it for emphasis. “You’re in for quite the show, Tina. It’s been eons since Ali has graced our stage and I know that means she has a whole overflowing barrel of misery to dump on us tonight.”

“You make it sound so dirty,” commented Alice, wearing a slight expression of disgust. “And not in a good way. More in a gross porta-potty way. Just ick, Ed. Big time ick.”

“Femme! You dress butch for me but alas, you have gotten ***** femme,” Ed announced, turning his nose up and biting the nail on his thumb. “Very sad, it is. I’m not sure I want you sharing my stage now. Even if you did wear the pants I got for you like I asked. I really must rethink this.”

“You’re such a liar, you *****,” laughed Alice who gave him a kick to his shins causing Ed to take a jump backwards. “Who was the one shrieking yes over and over on the phone so loudly my eardrum almost burst when I called to ask if I could join the musical chaos for the evening?”

“That’s before I knew you had suddenly been overtaken by the personality of a person who wears pink taffeta and large spangley earrings,” retorted Ed, though an affectionate smile curved on his lips. Turning to Tina, he mock whispered to her, “I think we should conduct an intervention, don’t you? Before this horrifying trend goes too far and nothing can be done to save her.”

“An intervention sounds good to me,” said Tina, a smirk forming while she recalled the one she had been exposed to thanks to Alice and her other friends.

“Zen people don’t seek revenge, T. Don’t you know that?” whined Alice, wearing the expression of a woman betrayed making Tina laugh at the sight.

“When did I ever say that I’m zen?” retorted Tina, sticking out her tongue before giving into her comedic urges and wagging it at Alice who gasped in faux shock at the gesture.

“Scandalous wench, isn’t she?” Alice muttered to Ed, who smirked and looked ready to reply when his name was shouted loudly from the direction of the stage.

“And that would be my quaint cue to get things up and running,” said Ed as he turned back to face them. Leaning in to kiss Tina on her cheek, he murmured, “I hope you enjoy the show, darling. Trust me when I say it will be utterly fabulous.” Pointing a finger at Alice, he said, “And you! I’m going to retrieve your honorary Fender for the night and this time I expect you to leave it tuned properly.”

“You sure know how to make a girl feel special,” said Alice dryly, hands on her hips.

Already weaving his way through the crowd to get to the stage, Ed called absently back to Alice, “Of course I do, Ali baby! I’m a queen!”

Laughing at this, Alice turned to Tina only to immediately stop when she felt her shoulders gripped in an excited hold by her friend. “Al!” she shrieked in amazed delight. “Does this mean that you brought me here to listen to you play? Play play?!”

“Yes, I’m here to play play,” Alice laughed again, feeling the weight of the world lift off of her shoulders upon seeing Tina’s happiness. Which was part of the reason she came up with the idea of sharing this part of her life with her friend. “Much like wanting to write for people who read People.” At this, Tina gave her a playful shove and Alice feigned hurt as she rubbed her shoulder. “Violent thing, aren’t you?” Sobering quietly, she took Tina’s hands in hers and squeezed them tenderly. “I wanted to take you here because this is where I go and what I do when I feel down. I guess you could call it my secret form of emotional therapy. Ed’s an old friend… really old, like from middle school. His band used to tour with mine back in college, play the same joints, and when I left Butter he gave me an open invitation to jam with them anytime I wanted. Somehow we got in this habit of me calling him when I felt ***** and him setting up a gig for us where I could get on stage and just let loose.” Alice looked away from Tina, feeling almost mortified at revealing so much of herself to another person. “I know,” she released a derisive laugh, rubbing the back of her messy head of hair. “Stupid, right? It’s just playing music and it’s not even my music. We just do a bunch of song covers for stuff that’s appropriately angry, sad, or just crazy pissed off. Not like it’s rocket science or–”

A pair of soft lips covering her own interrupted Alice in a fashion that was undeniably efficient and when Tina pulled away, small but pleased smile on her face, she saw Alice staring at her with the same dim expression she wore on hearing about the crush. Pushing back a stray lock of hair from Alice’s eyes, Tina murmured, “It isn’t stupid. I think it’s wonderful, just like I’m sure that you’ll be wonderful.” Her hands fell and Tina smiled gently then nodded at the stage causing Alice to turn around and see Ed bouncing across it in a wild attempt to get her attention. “And from the looks of it I’ll be hearing how wonderful you are pretty soon.”

Waving at Ed, acknowledging his strange request for her to get onstage, Alice looked to Tina with concern. “T,” she began in soft almost hesitant tones, “are you sure you’re okay?” Giving into old habits, she continued with self deprecating humor, “Because kissing me without bribery involved is considered a sign of insanity in a psychology book somewhere, I’m sure.”

Rolling her eyes and pulling Alice in for a hug, Tina reassured, “I’m fine.” Pulling away to clasp her friend’s arms, she gave her best glowing smile. “I just think Dana’s a big idiot and I wish I didn’t love Bette as much as I do.”

“Well, if that’s all,” Alice heaved a sigh and smiled wryly in return. “Then I think I have to say I feel the same. Regular peas in a pod, aren’t we, T?”

“Totally,” agreed Tina, nodding and smiling as Alice gave her one last hug before heading towards the stage where Ed was throwing a mini tantrum at being forced to wait. Watching this with veiled eyes, Tina shook her head then said quietly to herself, “Dana Fairbanks. I never thought it possible but I’m actually feeling jealous of you.”

—

There were times when Lara didn’t want to go home. Maybe it was because of a rough day at work, a bad date, or simply feeling restless but whatever caused it she always ended up in the same place. The 24 hour gym at the club which was perpetually abandoned in the wee hours of the night.

For those curious, Lara considered 11:37 p.m. to be among the wee hours of the night. At least when it came to gym usage.

That’s why she was definitely surprised to see someone else in the gym when she walked through the door. She was more surprised to see that it was her ex-girlfriend, Dana Fairbanks. Though the surprise at seeing Dana was probably due to the fact that since their sudden and rather unexpected break up Lara had gone out of her way to avoid the tennis player. Which was easier than it sounded, despite the fact that she worked at the club where Dana trained.

Maybe because Dana was avoiding her as well.

She moved to exit the gym before Dana noticed her presence but stopped upon taking a closer look at the brunette. The look on her face was one of haunted desolation and she was going through her workout routine at a frantic pace. Although Lara wouldn’t ever call herself an athlete, especially by the standard Dana was at, she could tell when someone was running them self ragged.

And that was precisely what Dana was doing. Unable to stop the swell of anxiety she felt on seeing this, Lara walked over to her ex to stand beside her at the weight machine. “Dana,” she murmured worriedly, carefully placing a hand on the bunched and tension filled shoulder in front of her. “You need to stop or you’ll hurt yourself.”

Like a robot, Dana ceased her movements and looked at her with an expression so completely miserable Lara almost felt her heart break at the sight. “Lara?” Dana frowned in confusion, her brow furrowing in the cute way the redhead loved. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to work out,” said Lara simply. A small smile, tender yet humorous formed and she added, “But not quite on the same level that you’re currently at, I think.”

“Oh,” was all Dana said as she rose to her feet and slung a nearby towel around her neck. Rubbing her left shoulder, she muttered, “I was trying to understand something… what I should do and usually I get my answers when I exercise but it didn’t help…”

“So you just kept going?” asked Lara softly.

“Pretty much,” said Dana wryly, looking embarrassed at herself. After she said this, she seemed to realize for the first time who she was talking to and her blue eyes went wide. “Lara!” she sputtered nervously. “I’m sorry! You don’t want to talk to me about this. I bet you don’t even want to see me.” Grabbing her bag and shoving things inside it hurriedly, Dana continued in a rush, “I’m sorry. I’ll get out of here and leave you alone. That’s the least you deserve after what I did to you.”

“Shhh, Dana, calm down. It’s all right,” Lara soothed and she moved to hold Dana’s hands, ceasing their rapid pace packing. Leaning down to put their faces close, she smiled sweetly and murmured, “I like seeing you. Which is good since your Subaru ads are fairly popular.”

“How can you like seeing me after how I treated you?” asked Dana, who couldn’t bear to face Lara with the memories of what she had done coming back to her. Yet another reason why she had to stay away from Alice. Look at how she had hurt Lara who had been nothing but kind and supportive to her. She would surely do the same to Alice. “I was horrible to you.”

“You were scared,” corrected Lara, tucking some hair behind Dana’s ear in a loving gesture. She knew she shouldn’t be touching Dana this way, looking at her this way, but even after all that had happened she was still captured by the shy and almost delicate beauty of this woman. Dana, while often closed off, was at the same time the most emotionally honest person Lara had ever known and she found that incredibly attractive. “I understand being scared. Everyone does.”

“I’m a coward, that’s all I am,” Dana spat the words out bitterly, turning away from Lara and clenching her hands into fists. “And cowards don’t deserve understanding.”

“Dana,” Lara watched with troubled eyes as the brunette’s fingernails dug into the palms of her hands. Reaching out to gently unclasp them, she asked quietly, “What’s wrong?”

When Lara’s hands moved from her own to gently cup her face in a movement that reminded Dana so much of Alice, she burst into tears. Stunned by this reaction, Lara held Dana to her, rocking her to and fro and making soft comforting noises. After several minutes, the tennis player’s sobs quieted into sniffles and they sank to the gym floor.

Her head resting in the crook of Lara’s shoulder, nose nuzzled into her neck, Dana whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what I did to you.”

Shivering at the feeling of Dana’s hot breath on her skin, Lara met their eyes and felt her heart skip a beat at the vulnerability being shown to her by the brunette. Such displays of emotion were once everything she had wished for from Dana and it was now overwhelming to receive it unbidden. “It’s all right,” she echoed her earlier words of reassurance. “You weren’t ready to come out and I never should have pushed you.”

“Not that,” said Dana, rubbing at her teary eyes and laughing harshly as she realized all she had done to the redhead. “God, I did so many bad things to you and you were nothing but good to me.” Facing Lara, her blue eyes pleading for some type of forgiveness, Dana looked inconsolable. “I used you to try and forget about her but I couldn’t. I love her so much. I’m sorry, Lara. I’m so sorry.”

An expression of peace fell over Lara’s pretty features and Dana watched teary eyed as the same kind smile she had seen so many times before was flashed her way. Sobbing as a soft hand brushed her cheek, Dana was helplessly captured by Lara’s gaze and the redhead slowly moved forward and their foreheads met gently.

“Have you told Alice yet?” asked Lara in a whisper.

By way of reply, Dana burst into tears again and Lara smiled sadly and pulled the athlete close. Cradling her tenderly as she realized with regret this would definitely be the last time she would ever get to hold Dana like this again. That was fine though. All she had ever wanted was for Dana to be happy and for awhile she thought she could be the person to do that despite the fact that she knew the tennis player loved her best friend. Though at the time she wasn’t sure if Dana knew that.

Apparently she did and that meant Lara really didn’t have much of a chance when it came to Dana romantically. But maybe now they could finally be friends. Something that Lara had wanted for quite some time now.

“Dana! What are you doing?” A loud shriek pierced the air and Lara looked up to see a woman with piles of curly hair wearing a face of pure disgust.

“Who are you?” asked Lara, frowning at the woman who had made her way over to them and was currently tugging a rather lethargic Dana to her feet.

“Never mind who I am! Who are you?!” demanded the woman imperiously, raking her eyes up and down Lara’s frame contemptuously.

“I’m Lara Perkins and I don’t know who you are and I really don’t care to know but maybe you shouldn’t be dragging Dana around like that,” said Lara irritably, not at all liking the possessive and almost rough way the woman was holding Dana. “She’s not a toy.”

The woman opened her mouth to reply but was silenced as Dana stated quietly, “I want to go home, Tonya. I’m sorry for not calling you all day but can you please take me home?”

“Of course, sweetie,” said Tonya who immediately returned to Dana’s side, rubbing her arms and smiling large. “Why don’t you head to the car? I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Okay,” Dana replied, appearing to have lost any strength to disagree with the other woman. Pausing at the exit, she turned back to look at Lara and smiled wanly. “Thank you.”

“You don’t ever have to thank me, Dana,” said Lara sincerely, trying to reassure the other woman in both her expression and her voice. “I just want you to be happy. That’s all I ever wanted.”

Dana’s head fell in a weak form of acknowledgement and then she was gone. Leaving Lara alone in the gym with Tonya who watched their interaction with increasing rage.

“I know who you are,” Tonya seethed, taking a step towards the redhead. “And don’t think I don’t also know what you’re up to. Dana is mine now so you just keep your distance.”

“Again, I state the fact that Dana is a person and not a possession,” said Lara, beginning to get angry. “You can’t dictate her life, you know. She can make her own decisions.”

Dark eyes narrowed decisively and Tonya stared Lara down then said in tones of cool control, “Stay away from my fiance.”

Then with a toss of overly curled large hair, she was gone and Lara was finally alone in the gym as she expected to be when she had first arrived. Wearing a mystified expression, Lara said, sounding thoroughly baffled, “Fiance?”

—

The transformation from funny everyday normal Alice into funny rock star Alice was a disturbingly easy one, Tina thought. Standing on stage, playing her borrowed Fender guitar with enthusiasm and ease, she was still Alice but somehow she was just more of everything.

She was more attractive, more charming, more funny, more intelligent, and without a doubt more *****. So much so that as she watched her stoop down to interact with the audience, to their enthusiastic delight, Tina wondered if she had seen this side of Alice at the same time she first met Bette who exactly would she have fallen for.

At that moment, laughing as the blonde went into a complicated riff while sticking her tongue out in Tina’s direction, she thought it would’ve had to have been Alice. The song came to end with audience cheers and cat calls Tina had grown to expect since the show started, making Alice beam widely before standing at the microphone she shared with Ed.

“Boys and girls of all ages and orientations,” Alice’s voice rumbled playfully over the crowd who responded loudly to her words. “Would you like to hear a duet?”

“I think that’s a yes,” said Ed who easily sidled up next to Alice while the crowd cheered.

“I don’t know,” drawled Alice in response, tilting her head thoughtfully. “It didn’t sound like a yes to me.” Peering back at the rest of the band, she called, “Did it sound like a yes to you?” When they gave various exaggerated forms of the word no, Alice shrugged and faced the audience. “You see that? It wasn’t a yes. I think you have to do a little better.”

Tina boomed with the rest of the club for them to play a duet and Alice held her hand to her ear, acting as if she had to strain to hear them. Nodding somberly, she leaned close to Ed then smiled mischievously and said into the microphone, “Duet time.”

Backing away from the microphone to move downstage, Alice started a hard and distinctive melody on her guitar, smiling when she looked up to meet Tina’s eyes. While she played, Ed stepped up to the mic and sang the opening lyrics, “When the feelin’ is ended. There ain’t no use pretendin’. Don’t you worry, it’s only love. When your world has been shattered. Ain’t nothin’ else matters. It ain’t over, it’s only love. And that’s all, yeah!”

Wearing a grin to match Alice’s, he took over the guitar melody and Alice stood at the microphone to sing her part. Keeping her eyes locked with Tina’s, her gaze warm as she sang, “When your heart has been broken. Hard words have been spoken. It ain’t easy, but it’s only love. And if your life ain’t worth livin’. And you’re ready to give in. Just remember, that it’s only love.”

Doing a goofy little dance to stand at Alice’s side, Ed played in synchronization with her and they both leaned forward to sing, “You can live without the aggravation. You gotta wanna win, you gotta wanna win. You keep lookin’ back in desperation. Over and over and over again!”

“When your world is shattered,” Ed sang on his own and Alice moved to continue the guitar melody. “Ain’t nothin’ else matters. It ain’t over, it’s only love.”

“If your life ain’t worth livin’,” in an instant Alice was there in his place and with fluid ease, Ed kept up the riff as she sang. “And you’re ready to give in. Just remember, that it’s only love.”

Wearing matching smiles, Ed and Alice stood side by side and sang into the microphone with the same elated energy, “Yeah, that’s all! Yeah, it ain’t easy baby. But it’s only love and that’s all!”

The song ended and a roar of applause came from the audience and watching Alice’s face light up with happiness, Tina knew that Dana had to see this. She had to see this side of Alice, she had to see how much Alice felt, how much she truly did love Dana, and most importantly she had to hear it expressed in the most meaningful way Tina could imagine.

That decided, Tina squeezed her way past the crowd to go outside and make a phone call.

—

Shoving her workout gear into her bag in the locker room because Tonya, for whatever reason, insisted she change into her normal clothes Dana tried to block out her fiance’s voice. Though she knew full well she deserved the complaints and lecture because she had been a jerk for not calling Tonya to let her know where she was between the hours of 9 a.m. and 11 p.m. it didn’t change the fact it was annoying her.

Which was why she answered her cell phone with a great deal of relief when it began ringing. On seeing Tina’s name pop up on the caller ID she answered with a worried, “Tina? You okay?”

“I’m fine!” Tina laughed and Dana could hear the passing of cars along with music in the background. “I was wondering if you could do me a favor though.”

“Anything,” said Dana immediately. “What do you need?”

“I’m out trying to cheer up over… well, you know,” said Tina, her voice cutting out somewhat. “And I’d like to have some more of my friends around. Do you think you could come?”

“Of course,” Dana replied, ignoring the look of frustration that Tonya was wearing on her face. “Where are you?”

Getting the directions from Tina and some more reassurances that the blonde really was doing all right, Dana ended the call and prepared to face the music as it were. Then a part of her wondered why she had to do that. Why she had to do anything Tonya wanted. She didn’t love her, she didn’t want her, part of Dana didn’t know if she even liked her anymore.

And so, she stared at Tonya and not really hearing the complaints that were coming out of her mouth, Dana stated, “I’m going out.”

Then she walked out of the locker room, to her car, climbed inside and drove away, turning off her cell phone to prevent the no doubt wave of angry calls she would soon be receiving. But somehow, doing what she wanted was worth it.

—

Stepping inside the bar after several minutes of trepidation upon reading its name and the writing on the door, Dana frowned and searched the smoky surroundings for her friend. She had never been in this part of Los Angeles and frankly, it made her a tiny bit nervous but that didn’t matter because Tina wanted her here.

Listening to the almost hypnotic voice of the male singer she could hear but couldn’t see, Dana weaved her way through the myriad of bar inhabitants. At least they had good music. That more than made up for the shoddy appearance of the bar. Then again, the sheer variety of people who were here also helped do that. She hadn’t ever seen such a diverse crowd and Dana couldn’t help but think that it was a good thing.

“Dana!”

Hearing her name, Dana looked in the direction it came from and saw Tina pushing her way through the crowd, smiling and holding a beer in each hand. Giving one to her friend, the blonde said happily, “You made it! I’m so glad.”

“I said I would,” replied Dana, resisting the urge to frown and taking a sip of the beer. Leaning close so her companion could hear her over the music, she said, “Are you all right? Why did you want me to come here anyway?”

Instead of replying, Tina wore a mysterious and knowing smile then took Dana’s free hand in her own. Leading Dana expertly through the crowd until they were on the right side of the bar, climbing up the steps to the elevated area that that gave a clear view of the stage and had the reserved tables for bar regulars and guests of the musicians. Which Dana and Tina happened to be.

Sitting down at the table Ed had gotten them at the front that had the best view, Tina watched Dana stare transfixed at Alice who was finishing a complicated end riff to the song on her guitar. When the song ended and the audience erupted into applause, Dana seemed to snap out of her trance and looked down at Tina. Feeling sympathetic, Tina pulled the tennis player to sit in the chair next to hers and moved closer in order to be heard.

“That’s why I wanted you to come here,” Tina answered Dana’s earlier question, nodding at Alice who was smiling big and talking to Ed. “I wanted you to see her like this. If you love her like I think you do then you need to see her like this. You need to know.”

Frowning deeply, Dana asked, “Know what?”

Tina started to respond but stopped when Alice’s voice sounded in the air, breathless and husky. “Are you enjoying my songs about heartbreak?” When the crowd roared its approval, Alice shook her head and chuckling, she declared in haughty tones, “You evil *****.” There was more cheering at this and tilting her head, Alice continued, “Then I bet you would love to hear some melodrama and angst.” Cheers again and she frowned, as if straining to hear them. Sighing heavily, Alice said, “You know, that didn’t sound like you wanted to hear some melodrama and angst. I have to know if you want it. Now,” she drawled slowly, “do you want it?”

“We want it!” the crowd and Dana, much to Tina’s amusement, shouted.

“C’mon, Ali baby,” wheedled Ed, moving to stand next to her at the microphone. “Have a heart. They want it. They really, really, want it.”

“I don’t know,” mused Alice. “Do you really want the melodrama and the angst?” Once again, the crowd and Dana shouted their approval. “Oh all right,” Alice sighed then formed an impish smile. “I’ll give you the melodrama and the angst.” The shouting returned in full force and she chuckled. “Now remember you asked for this. Ed,” Alice nodded at her friend, “start the bass line.” At her words, a mesmerizing low beat filled the air and Alice gripped the microphone, causing the stand to move towards her. “This is for my number one crush.”

Dana froze at the words and the haunting sound of Alice’s voice as she began the song. “I would die for you. I would die for you. I’ve been dying just to feel you by my side. To know that you’re mine.”

The loud cheers and cat calls died down and the audience seemed to sway together as Alice pulled the microphone from the stand and prowled the stage. “I will cry for you. I will cry for you. I will wash away your pain with all my tears. And drown your fear. I will pray for you. I will pray for you. I will sell my soul for something pure and true.” Pausing in her walk, Alice seemed to be looking at something only she could see and then sang, “Someone like you.”

“See your face every place that I walk in,” Alice snapped back into reality, a painful smile curving on her features and if Dana didn’t know before this song was for her she surely did now. “Hear your voice every time I am talking. You will believe in me. And I will never be ignored,” she declared powerfully, letting all who heard know she wasn’t about to surrender her feelings.

“I will burn for you. Feel pain for you. I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart. I’ll tear it apart,” Alice announced, her hand falling to tug at her shirt causing several audience members up front to cheer excitedly and Dana’s eyes to narrow in jealousy. “I will lie for you. I can steal for you. I will crawl on hands and knees until you see. You’re just like me.”

Somewhere in between that last lyric and the next, Alice spotted Dana sitting next to Tina. Their eyes locked and in that moment there was no one else. Alice was singing for Dana alone. “Violate all my love that I’m missing. Throw away all the pain that I’m living.” She was pleading in her eyes, expression, and voice. Pleading for Dana to listen, really listen to the lyrics. “You will believe in me. And I can never be ignored.”

“I would die for you. I would kill for you. I will steal for you. I’d do time for you. I would wait for you,” Alice sang and she stared deep, so deep Dana was sure she could see into her soul. And as she sang, Dana finally knew everything that Alice was willing to do and go through to be with her and knowing this made her feel more worthless than she could’ve ever imagined. She wasn’t good enough and she never would be. This is what she did, what she caused, this song. Nothing but pain for Alice and that killed Dana. Still the song went on. “I’d make room for you. I’d sail ships for you. To be close to you. To be a part of you. Cause I believe in you.”

Running from the table, from the bar, from the people, but unable to escape the sound of Alice’s haunting voice as she sang, “I believe in you.” But Dana didn’t deserve the belief that Alice had in her. She knew she didn’t because she knew she wasn’t strong enough. Never had been and she never would be, no matter what anyone said.

And as she ran again, fleeing into the cool night air, Dana heard and couldn’t escape from Alice’s parting words. “I would die for you.”


To be continued…