Where is she? I ask myself while walking out of another side wing of the CAC. Leave it to her to just up and disappear, leaving me to fend for myself. Probably off trying to use the success of tonights opening to conjure more business. Yeah. Thats my girl, always ambitious, never taking the time to enjoy her success instead she is off looking for the next big thing to do or conquer. God knows I love her drive but sometimes it can be taxing on our relationship. Case in point, here I am trying to be supportive and share the moment with her and instead I am force to make small talk with eccentric (being the nicest word to describe some of these freaks) artists and members of the snobbish art community of LA.

Thank god I was able to escape talking about the profound statement of that S&M painting with a critic who was so full of hot air that it was stifling me to take a breath. I pawned him off to some unsuspected patron and escaped gracefully to start my search of my MIA lover. Ive checked all over the main gallery and the atrium leading outside. Again I ask, Where did she go?

Just as I turn to enter another side wing of the gallery I look up and see her on one of the upper floors. She seems to be talking to someone, another woman in fact, yeah the one she introduce me to earlier. If I didnt know any better I would think they are flirting. They are standing to close together for my comfort and Wow!! What the f**k?! Did I just see what I thought I just saw? Did she just caress her as she let go of her necklace? And I know that their hands lingered way to long as she walked away. What the ***** is going on here?

I cant believe this. God, she even has the temerity to do this in public and look at her smiling that coy smile of hers. OK, calm down. Breathe. It was just flirting. No more, no less. Right? Right.

No, thats not right. You can call her ambitious, tenacious, sociable, talkative even a downright-conversation hog but she has never been flirty. No, she is definitely not a flirt. So what was she doing upstairs with that-that woman? They were way too much into each others personal space and that touch. It was

Before I can gather my thoughts I see her coming down the stairs with that same coy smile and decide to meet her at the bottom. I plaster a fake smile on my face and ask with a sugary tone, Where have you been?

I was just upstairs talking to some people about the layout of the exhibits. Everyone is commented on how interesting it is, she informs me with a hint of pride in her voice. Also, continuing to smile that coy smile which at this present time makes me feel violent.

Huh, Liar, I think to myself. Well its not an all out lie, but close enough. I should just confront – I mean ask her right now, but I decide against it. I know how she hates to argue and make a scene in public. Actually, its not making a scene or fighting in public that she hates, given her occasional outburst of that quick temper of hers, its the embarrassment of losing a fight in public that she takes offense to. As much as she probably deserves it, thus me being more than justified in doing it, I decide to wait till we are alone. So I swallow my ever-increasing anger and announce, Im tired and ready to leave. And just to let her know that I am in no mood to argue nor will I be convinced into staying a little bit longer, I give her my dont test me glare. She responds with a look of annoyance but after looking around and seeing that the event was dying down she agrees to leave. With that settle, I am wasting no time and begin to walk toward the stairwell that leads to the parking lot. I here her sigh but wisely she follows behind me without any commentary.

Later that night***

The ride home is uneventful. Neither one of us attempts to make conversation. She must have picked up on my anger, but in her typical fashion just chooses to ignore it. However, my anger and her avoidance of said anger makes the atmosphere, to say the least, very tense. I guess to remedy the noticeable tension she turns on the radio. The quiet storm is on and an old classic by Stevie Wonder called Lately begins to play. The lyrics seem to be echoing something but I am weary to put a say what it is.

Radio
[Lately, I have had the strangest feeling
With no vivid reason here to find
Yet the thought of losing you’s been hanging
’round my mind

Far more frequently you’re wearing perfume
With you say no special place to go
But when I ask will you be coming back soon
You don’t know, never know]

I keep replaying what I saw earlier and I keep coming to the same conclusion: it was more than flirting. The evidence says so.
1) The standing too close to one another. They are only suppose to have a business relationship so why are they some comfortable with one another.
2) The looks they exchange. Keeping eye contact and then breaking away while blushing like two school girls.
3) The playing with and the placing of her necklace with the caress that came with it. It just reeked of a known intimacy.
4) The hand lingering – god if I had not seen anything else prior to that I still would have known something was going on.

Radio
[Lately I’ve been staring in the mirror
Very slowly picking me apart
Trying to tell myself I have no reason
with your heart

Just the other night while you were sleeping
I vaguely heard you whisper someone’s name
But when I ask you of the thoughts your keeping
You just say nothing’s changed]

Yeah, there was – is definitely something going on between the two of them. The question is – what? I look over at her and start to stare. Hoping, that something will give a clue as to what the ***** is going on with her. If she notices me staring she doe nothing about, she just continues to look straight ahead, eyes on the road.


Sometimes all I have to do is look at her and I will know what she is thinking and how she feels and other times its impossible to read her, especially when she throws up that wall of hers. Lately, if I were to honest that wall has been flying up a lot lately. Even when I voiced my fears on not feeling very connected to her I still felt more bricks being placed on it. I just dont know what to do right now. Do I confront her and risk more bricks being placed on a wall that is quickly starting to remind me of a certain wall once erected in Germany. I know that our relationship has been strained. All the nights she stayed late at the CAC trying to get Provocations ready on time, the Yolanda therapy thing and also the whole baby situation, our relationship took a backseat.

Radio
[Well, I’m a man of many wishes
I hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes won’t let me hide
Cause they always start to cry
Cause this time could mean goodbye, goodbye]


So lost in thought am I, that I dont realize we were home. Once we entered the door I make a beeline for the kitchen to pour myself a glass of Merlot. I would truthfully prefer something stronger, but if I am going to confront her I should at least be sober. While I am getting liquor to calm my nerves she goes into the bathroom. Here I am standing in the kitchen with a million questions flying through my head.
Whats going on?
How far has it gone?
How long has been it been going on?
Why did it start?
Since the only person who can answer any of these questions is held up in the bathroom I decide to pour myself another glass of Merlot and walk into the bedroom. I sit my glass on the dresser and catch my reflection in the mirror. The lyrics form Stevie come back to my mind and I realize what it was echoing. My own thoughts. There standing in front of me is a fool.

A fool for not seeing the obvious.
A fool for allowing her partner to make her second to everything and everyone else.
A fool for being so nave enough to think that the distance between them could not be caused by another woman.
A fool for saying nothing while the love of life was being felt up by her lover.
An even bigger fool for not making a scene right then and there because I didnt want to embarrass her. The same her thats been ***** around on me for god knows how long.
FOOL, FOOL, FOOL.

Just then it really hits me, shes been cheating on me, she has betrayed me trust. She, who is always going on about trust is so vital to her. And this some *****. I feel so weak that I sit down on the bed still staring at the fool in the mirror.

Then right on Q, she walks into the room. She says something to me but I just cant here her. The voice in my head that keeps shouting fool is drowning her out. I stop staring at myself and begin to look at her. All the signs were there, was I so damn foolish I just refused to see them until they became so obvious even Stevie Wonder could see them before I did? God, who is this stranger in my house, in my room?

She must finally notice me sitting there and from the look on her face she knows something is terribly wrong. She walks towards me and for some reason I stand despite the fact that my legs feel like jelly.

Fool I here someone say. From the look of confusion on her face I realize it must have been me who said it. She asks me to repeat myself. So louder I say Fool. Before she can protest my singular syllable statement I cut her off.

You must think I am some kind of fool to not know. I saw you two.

She gives me this dumbfounded look like I am speaking a foreign language that sounds familiar but she cant quite interpret it. So I continue, tonight, the two of you upstairs My voice beginning to shake along with my entire body.

She tries to talk. Probably to refute what she knows I am about to accuse her of. I

Again I cut her off, this time I scream, FOOOOOOL!!!!

Baby, I dont know what you thought you saw, but just let I put my hands in a stopping motion and lower my head, which silences her.

I raise my head and stare straight into her eyes. There I can see her trying to think of a lie to refute the truth. I can also see that she wants to play the denial game, but I am in mood for that. So I sure up my courage and ask her point blank, So how long have you been f**king the CAC director Candace?

Mikela, I dont know what

Candace, please spare me the denial bullshit and just answer my question. How long have you been f**king Bette Porter?

Tbc. If you want me to.

OK, before someone points out any discrepancies let me first address an obvious one. When we are introduced to Mikela on the show Candace makes a point to introduce Mikela as her friend. So in my version Candace introduces her as just Mikela sans the friend part.

Lately
Lately, I have had the strangest feeling
With no vivid reason here to find
Yet the thought of losing you’s been hanging
’round my mind

Far more frequently you’re wearing perfume
With you say no special place to go
But when I ask will you be coming back soon
You don’t know, never know

Well, I’m a man of many wishes
Hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes won’t let me hide
Cause they always start to cry
Cause this time could mean goodbye

Lately I’ve been staring in the mirror
Very slowly picking me apart
Trying to tell myself I have no reason
with your heart

Just the other night while you were sleeping
I vaguely heard you whisper someone’s name
But when I ask you of the thoughts your keeping
You just say nothing’s changed

Well, I’m a man of many wishes
I hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes won’t let me hide
Cause they always start to cry
Cause this time could mean goodbye, goodbye

Oh, I’m a man of many wishes
I hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes won’t let me hide
Cause they always start to cry
Cause this time could mean goodbye