Previously~~~~~~~~~~~~

Their meeting room was filling up with students as the clock approached 6pm. All of the officers of ***** Alliance were seated at a table in the front of the room as students entered from the entrance at the back. As the time ticked away and the start of the meeting drew nearer, Bette felt an uneasiness rise from the pit of her stomach. She really wanted Tina to be there. She really wanted her girlfriend to come out to this meeting and show not only her love for Bette, but also her support for Bette in this new role within the organization.

Bette bit her lip nervously as she saw Tinas friend, David enter the room and take a seat. Even Davids here. She cant tell me she had a meeting with him and Kara. That excuse isnt going to work today. Please, T, just show up for once., she thought.

The president rose and called the meeting to order. Bette began to smile as she looked up towards the door and saw a tuft of blonde hair enter the room. Her smile faded and her stomach dropped when she saw that the blonde was not Tina, but Sidney.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bettes eyes followed Sidney as the blonde made her way into the room with a thin familiar-looking brunette by her side. Both women slipped into seats near the back. As the meeting began Bette and her ex-girlfriend played a game of stare-tag; both gazing at their former lover while pretending not to. Averting their gazes in time to avoid detection until the moment came when blue orbs met chocolate brown eyes and for a few seconds, time simply stood still. Bette had not seen Sidney since the day shed fallen apart in the dining room and Tina had to put her back together. Bette knew that her heart was too full of love for Tina to feel much of anything for Sidney. However, this brief moment of eye contact was simply too much. It was too intense. Bette looked away and forced herself to find different items to focus on during the remainder of the meeting.


The meeting progressed quickly and pretty soon Emily stood up to discuss the dance marathon and ask for volunteers. Emily reintroduced both her and Bette, discussed the upcoming event, and sent around a sign-up sheet for volunteers. Shortly after Emilys plea, the meeting was adjourned and as the students rose to exit the room, Bettes vision of her former lover was lost. The caramel beauty was soon distracted by students eager to volunteer for the fundraiser.

As the room cleared, only a few officers and students remained. Tina Kennard had yet to make an appearance and Bette hoped that no one would mention this to her.

Her hopes were dashed when Emily turned to Bette and said, Well Bette, was your girlfriend able to make it?

Bette felt the color rise to her cheeks and looked down before meeting Emilys brown eyes. No, she couldnt make it today.

BetteBetteBette. Im starting to think this Tina doesnt really exist. Maybe you just created her to keep away the women that have been lusting after you. Ive seen how these girls stare you down. If you really are single, there are several females that would love to take you out., said Emily.

Bette opened her mouth to reply, when a familiar voice interrupted her. Oh, Tina Kennard is very much a real person. Trust me on that., said Sidney.

Sidney Davis and the mystery brunette stood beside Emily and Bette felt a lump rise in her throat. Bette and Sidney locked eyes. Both women afraid to look at each other, yet unable to look away.

Sidney! Its good to see you. I havent seen you since last semester., said Emily.

With her eyes still on Bettes, Sidney responded. Oh, Ive just been a little busy.

Well, its good to see you. I hope youll continue to come out to meetings this semester., said Emily, suddenly aware that there was more going on that she was privy to. Feeling as though her presence would not be missed, Emily slipped away, leaving brown eyes to stare into blue eyes.

Bette finally found her voice. Sidney. How.How are you?

Sidney never looked away. Im better. I wanted to introduce you to Dana. You remember Dana, my roommate., she said, gesturing to the thin brunette at her side.

Bette finally broke eye contact and looked to Dana. The brunette smiled and she and Bette shook hands. Yeah, thats why you look so familiar., said Bette.

Dana was aware of the tension emanating between her roommate and Bette Porter, but she was only vaguely aware of what had happened between the two of them. All she knew was that theyd dated and that it hadnt worked out. However, she now felt as if she were in the middle of something she had no business being involved in and her big brown eyes were filled with apprehension as she smiled at Bette. Good to see you again, Bette., she said nervously.

Well, Dana here wants to help out with the dance marathon. I told her I would introduce you two., said Sidney.

Bette smiled and said, Well, we can use all the help we can get. Sidney, did you want to help out, too?

Sidney gave a tight smile and looked into Bettes eyes. I dont think that would be a very good idea. As a matter of fact, I really need to get going. It was good seeing you Bette. Tell Tina I said hello.

Bette nodded slowly as Sidney walked away, leaving her filled with more questions than answers. Bette turned and realized Dana was still standing there. An uncomfortable silence passed between them before Dana spoke.

I understand you guys need corporate sponsorship for the event. I worked with a lot of businesses to get funding for a tennis team fundraiser in the fall. I still have some of the contacts. It might be a big help to you guys.

Bette smiled. That would be great. I think you can save us a lot of time. Can you get together tomorrow evening to go over what you have and try to make some headway? We could meet in my room for a while and then go to dinner.

Dana smiled in return. Sure. That would be great. They exchanged contact information and as they parted ways, Bette wondered about Sidneys presence at the meeting and hoped that this was not the start of more relationship drama between the two of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While Bette was locking eyes with Sidney Davis, Tina sat in the library and studied her heart out. This wasnt the time for her. She wasnt yet ready to put her sexuality on display and had no desire to sit through a ***** Alliance meeting and feel so outed among this group of people. She loved Bette with all her heart, but she just needed time to become more comfortable with who she was before she let the rest of the world in on her personal life.

And so Tina toiled away in the library, writing papers, reading over assignments, working on homework. Doing whatever she could to get her mind off of Bette and her lifestyle choices. She didnt want to go home and face her girlfriends disappointment. She didnt want to see the sadness in Bettes dark brown eyes and know that she was the cause of it. It was just too much to bear.

At around 1am, when the announcement was made that the library would be closing in one hour, Tina realized it was finally time to go home. She gathered her things as she made her way to Hedrick Hall, Tina hoped that Bette would be asleep and she could avoid the confrontation that she knew was inevitable. When she opened the door to their room and noted the solemn darkness, Tina realized shed gotten her wish. Her brown eyes roamed the room and found Bettes sleeping form lying on her side, and resting in Tinas bed. Tina had the earliest class tomorrow.

Thats a good sign. If she was mad at me, shed be sleeping in her own bed. I can just slip into bed and get some rest., she thought.


Tina breathed a sigh of relief, sat her things down and quickly changed using the light from Bettes desk that had been left on for her. She turned out Bettes lamp, tip-toed over to her bed and slid in beside her girlfriend, inhaling the familiar comfort of her lovers scent and draping her arm around Bettes sleeping form.

Tina exhaled and felt her emotions roll away. No matter how tense things were on the issue of Tinas closeted behavior, the troubled blonde knew there was no where else she would rather be. This was where she belonged, safe beside the woman that had captured her young heart. Unable to resist, Tina kissed her lovers neck, lightly and whispered, I love you, Bette., before closing her eyes and settling in for a good nights sleep.

Tinas left arm was draped over Bettes abdomen and the blonde felt slender fingers tighten around her palm. I love you too, T., came the hushed reply.

Tina felt her heart stop. This was without a doubt her favorite sentence in the world, but it didnt bring quite the sparkle to her brown eyes as it normally did. Bette was awake and Tina had no idea what type of mood her lover was in. She held her breath, hoping that maybe Bette was really still sleeping and was just mumbling in the haze of her slumber.

T?, she heard. Tina recognized the clarity in Bettes voice and realized that the woman at her side was very much awake and alert.

Yeah., said Tina.

Im not going to push you, T. I love you. I love all of you. I love you too much to push you into doing something youre not ready to do. Please dont feel like you have to hide out from me. Thats what really hurts., whispered Bette.

Tina swallowed hard and snuggled closer to Bette. Bette, I want you to know that I do love you. I just..this is so hard for me.

I know it is, T. Im sorry if you feel like I put pressure on you. Im just so excited to be with you that I want to tell the world. But, I know youre not ready for that. I can be patient with you. I just wish you would talk to me about this. I feel like were just tip toeing around each other. Im afraid to bring it up because I think youll feel more pressured, but because we dont discuss it, I have no idea what you are really thinking. I figured you were avoiding me this evening.

And that hurt, T. You are what I look forward to each day and I havent seen you since early in the morning. I felt like I ran you off. I didnt call you because I didnt know how you were feeling and I didnt want to upset you. Its really, really late and youre just now getting home. And you didnt even call me to let me know where you were. Thats not like you, T. I just knew you were trying to avoid me. Am I wrong?, said Bette.

Tina sighed and responded, No, youre not wrong. I was avoiding you. I figured you would be disappointed that I didnt come to the meeting. I just couldnt face you tonight, Bette.

T, you dont have to lie to me. If you dont want to go, you dont have to go. Ill understand. Just please.dont lie to me. Im sorry for making you feel like you had to, but just be honest with me, Tina.

Youre right. I have been lying to you. Ive been making excuses for weeks. I just didnt know how you would react. I didnt want to let you down., said Tina.

Baby, I love you. Theres nothing you cant tell me. Dont worry about letting me down. Just tell me the truth., said Bette.

Bette, turn around. Look at me., said Tina. Bette did as she was told and soon her eyes met Tinas in the faint light that shone in through the windows.

Tina caressed her lovers cheek with her hand, Im sorry, Bette. Ill be more honest with you. Thank you for understanding.

Bette smiled lightly, Im sorry, too. Im sorry for pushing you. I love you, Tina. Even though they had had this discussion and cleared the air somewhat, there were still knots in Bettes stomach. There was one question in her mind that she wanted an answer to but she was just too afraid to ask. She was afraid of what the answer might be.

Tina kissed Bettes forehead and then softly kissed the lips that shed wanted to taste all day. Tina teased Bettes lower lip and her lover slowly opened her mouth to welcome her girlfriends tongue. The kiss quickly turned from sensual to passionate and Tina pulled Bettes body closer, craving the feel of her lovers soft curves. Tina felt her arousal growing and moved to take off Bettes top, eager to feel her girlfriends *****.
Bette stopped Tinas hand with her own and Tina opened her eyes to meet Bettes dark brown orbs, questions and desire floating around Tinas light brown eyes.

Bette fought to keep the tears from shining in her eyes. She loved Tina and she would be patient with Tina, but inside she was hurting. Bette felt as if she were making a big sacrifice by honoring Tinas wishes and even though she understood Tinas reasoning, it hurt to know that she was essentially a well-kept secret. It was hard enough for Bette to find her own pride and sense of self in approaching the world as *****. She was still learning and growing and dealing with her own feelings of inadequacy and coming to terms with her sexuality. Bette still lived in fear of the day Melvin would find out about her love for the female form and she worried that she would be disowned and completely alone. Every time Tinas closeted behavior reared its head, it felt like another blow to the pile of self-esteem Bette had been working to create.

In Bettes mind, at least she and Tina had each other. Together they could go out and fight the homophobia that threatened their lives and relationship. Leaning on each other for support and knowing that at the end of the day, they had each other and no obstacle was too big to keep them apart. Nothing was too threatening to keep them from loving each other and sharing their lives together. What Bette hadnt counted on was the internal threat to their union; Tinas own self-hate and internalized homophobia and fear. Bette felt as if she now had to fight two battles; one in her relationship and one outside her relationship. And not only that, but she was fighting both battles alone.

Though she could not understand the true depth of her emotions, Bette felt the anguish none-the-less. She was still hurting and she didnt want to make love. She just wanted to be held and hopefully feel the love in Tinas embrace. She wanted to be assured that the battles she was fighting were worth the strain on her mind and heart. However, the caramel beauty didnt yet have the capacity to verbalize feelings that she didnt fully comprehend. She just knew she needed Tinas embrace.

And so, as she stopped Tinas advances and tried to keep the tears from falling, Bette simply said, T.I..can we just go to sleep? Im exhausted. I think I just need to rest.

Tina furrowed her brow for a second, feeling the throbbing between her legs and wondering what the ***** was going on. Bette had never been too tired to make love. Tina searched Bettes eyes and tried to understand her girlfriends request. Yeah, we dont have to.Are you okay, babe?, she asked.

Bette nodded and turned her back to Tina, fighting back tears that she didnt really understand and didnt want to shed. She pulled Tinas arm around her and snuggled her back into the blondes soft *****. Tina snuggled closer, resting her head in the crook of Bettes neck and shoulder and asked, Are you sure youre okay?

Bette felt the tears slip from her eyes and slide down her face and into the pillow. She fought hard to keep her breathing even and her voice level as she replied, Yeah, Im fine. Im sorry. Im just so worn out.

Tina tightened her grip around Bette. Dont apologize. Im sorry. I should have realized you needed some rest. Lets get some sleep, babe. I love you, Bette. Sweet dreams, baby.

Bette could no longer speak, her emotions were getting the best of her and it was too hard to control her breathing and her voice. So, she did what she could. She took Tinas hand that was entwined with her own and kissed it gently before placing it over her beating heart.

Tina didnt know that Bette was aching, but she understood the gesture and soon the closeted blonde drifted off to sleep with the hurting caramel beauty crying softly in her arms.


TBC (To Be Continued)