A song, all it took was one song to bring back everything I had tried so hard not to remember, or was it had tried so hard to forget, whichever it was I tried hard not to do either…

It’s amazing what a few simple lyrics can do to your mind.  Memories are triggered in an instant, your heart starts beating so fast you think it will jump out of your chest at any given moment, you start losing control of your senses as your mind takes over and there’s nothing else you can think of…, nothing else you can do.

That’s how I felt…

I just sat there…, unable to move…, unable to breathe…

The driver of the limo brought me back to reality when he opened the door, his way of letting me know we had arrived. Today the weather was nice so I had decided to spend some time at the park.

But now…, I’m not sure I want to be here. I tried to smile as I take his hand to get out of the car. I tell him I will see him tomorrow and I go on, looking for a place to sit. 

She has been on my mind day and night… I haven’t been able to function properly for months. As much as I have tried to forget, to move on…, I can’t. I don’t know if I ever will and I’m not sure if I even want to…

It’s been three long months since the last time I saw her.  Three months since I felt alive. But it’s also three months since she asked me to leave.  

I look around, taking in my surroundings. People walking, people talking…, everyone seems to be happy.

Why is it so hard for me to have that?  Why can’t I just continue on with my life?  Why does everything have to be so complicated?

I did love her. I did want to be with her. I would’ve given anything to share my life with her…

Who am I kidding…?

I still love her. I always will. I didn’t think I could ever love someone with this intensity.

I never believed such thing as a soul mate could exist. I’ve had relationships throughout my life. I have loved other people. I just never really loved anyone the way I continue to love her.

For the first time, I fell in love. For the first time, I let someone in. For the first time, I let my heart truly feel the love.

She broke through so many walls that I never realized existed. She made me feel safe, comfortable, at ease.  I found myself opening up to her, telling her things I haven’t even told my closest friends…, but I didn’t care. It was ok. Somehow I knew she wouldn’t judge me.

And she didn’t. She listened. She cared. She paid attention, even to the slightest details.

We both felt an instant connection. We both knew that it was the beginning of something special…, something strong…, something impossible to replace.

At first, neither of us thought something else, besides a friendship, would come out of our meeting. As we continued to spend time together, we realized there were too many feelings that couldn’t be ignored anymore.

I did try to stop myself from being swept away by her. It was not possible really…, just by being in the same room as her was overwhelming. She had an energy that kept pulling me towards her. 

If someone would have told me a year ago that I was going to meet my soul mate, I would’ve laughed. Never in a million years would I have believed it.

And now…, here I am, sitting in the middle of a park. Alone and thinking of the ‘what ifs’.

I met my soul mate…, and I let her go. Even though I love her more than life itself…, I let her go.

I remember someone once said to me that lies will lock you up and the truth is the only key. That even if you lie to protect the ones you love…, you would still cause some hurt.

How can you love someone so much and at the same time cause them so much hurt?

I could’ve… I would’ve… I should’ve…, but I didn’t. I wasn’t completely honest with her…, and now…, now I’m here…

Alone…