I laughed and shook my head. Even with my hair a little longer, I think most of these guys still thought I was a boy. I didn’t really care either way at that point, it was just good to see these guys again. While I don’t know if I’d ever call them friends, they were part of me. They had my back on numerous times, we’d been there for each other when literally no one else in the world had been. Kevin had been the one to introduce me to hustling. Maybe I should have hated him for introducing me to that life, who knows. But I do know that his introducing me to that world helped me survive, fed me… And if I had never started turning tricks, then I would never have met “The Talker” who put me through hair dressing school. I would never had hung out at that coffee shop next door to the Bette Porter Gallery… I couldn’t hate any of them. They were like me. Dealt a shit hand, and did their best to survive it and still lead their own lives, control what happened to them rather than sit by and let the system, parents, and social workers fuck them over time and time again.

“So where the fuck have you been?”

I shrugged and vaguely answered about getting my shit together and starting over. I told them about living in my truck and shelters for a while.

“You took a serious risk with those shelters. It’s like the first place to either get caught by Social Services or get gay bashed at night.”

I explained how I started working a real job, a legit one.

“You are a fucking twink! Cutting hair!”

I reached into my backpack, “Yeah well, that cutting hair is helping supply tonight’s holiday cheer…” I pulled out several bottles of hard liquor to everyone’s cheers and applaud. We passed the bottles around, and soon after everyone’s stashes for the night came out as well. The hours fell away, and I found myself feeling torn. In many ways, this was great. It was Christmas as it had been for years. I was with these guys, having a blast. But at the same time, I felt distanced from them somehow. Like I knew that I had in fact moved on from this life. I kept catching myself looking around the group, silently saying goodbye to them. I just knew, this would probably be the last time I saw them again… my last Christmas bonfire on the beach. Someone jumped up and ran towards the water, and soon after most everyone had followed him. I walked to the edge of the water, sitting down in the sand watching them, occasionally sipping from the bottle of vodka I had in my hand. Kevin sat down next to me.