“Was it really seven times? Wow, I can’t believe you remember the exact number.”

“Babe, I remember every single time you told me you loved me.”

“Tina? What did you just….”

“Don’t say it Bette. It was just a slip, nothing more nothing less, don’t go reading anything into it.” Tina was now out if bed, pacing the room, mentally berating herself for her slip of the tongue and the fact that Bette picked up on it so quickly.

“OK, I won’t, but…anyway, that night. It was perfect wasn’t it? We were everything we were meant to be. It was like the whole world just fell away and everything I would ever need was standing right before me. All I wanted to do was protect you, be your knight in shining armour but instead I…I should have been there Tina.”

“Bette, no one could have known that was going to happen. You’d been to every appointment before then and I was healthy, and once the morning sickness had gone I felt good.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about, even though I can barely forgive myself for being late on the one day that I should have been early. I’m talking about after, going to work, going to Kit’s gig, going anywhere when I should have been with you. Do you still think about him?” asked Bette, quietly

“Everyday, like I’m grieving for someone I never knew and yet it feels like I’ll never be complete again because that person isn’t in my life any more and you know what compounds it, the fact that I’m grieving for you as well.”

“But I’m still here.”

“No. Not like you should be, should’ve of been.”

“I could be though, just say the word and I’ll be there. Please let me be there for you.” Bette couldn’t quite keep the pleading tone out of her voice hoping that she could get Tina to change her mind about her coming to London.

“I can’t Bette. I can’t run the risk of you letting me down again. Please don’t ask me again, it’s too hard to say no to you. Do you miss him?”

“So much I don’t even know how to put it into words. It’s like I can be doing the most mundane thing and then all of a sudden I’m just overtaken by the most indescribable sense of loss and then I’m crying, again and then once I start, that’s it, I can’t stop. Sometimes it goes on for so long that I can’t even remember what started me off in the first place but it always ends with you T. I always end up crying for you, for the loss of you. I’m so sorry Tina.”