“And the ring?” prompted Kate.

“Like I said. I don’t know where it is. On the night that I found out things got….I don’t really know how to describe it…desperate, I guess. I waited until she fell asleep to leave and left the ring on the bedside table for her to find the next morning. It sounds so cruel when put like that but…..I spoke to her you know, on Tuesday night.”

“Really? Why didn’t you tell me? How was it?.” Kate’s surprise at this revelation was evident but she now understood about the fifteen hour days and Tina’s wish for her job to be all consuming.

“It was hard. There is just so much left unresolved, she wants me to forgive her but I don’t know if I’m that good a person, maybe some things aren’t supposed to be forgiven or maybe I just can’t get past the fact that everytime I think about her I think about the woman that cheated on me, not the woman who loved me, loves me. She says she still loves me and you know what, despite it all, it was just so good to hear her voice.” answered Tina, shaking her head at her own admission that Bette was still the one that could provide the things she needed.

“But do you want to forgive her?”

“Of course I want to forgive her but what I want the most is my old life back, where none of this ever happened but I know that I can’t have that.” said Tina, with a hint of resignation in her voice.

“We always want the things we can’t have Tina. It’s part of the human condition so don’t beat yourself up over that, it’s not worth it. So what else did she say?”

“That I was always the strong one in the relationship. That I was the only one who really knew her.
That I kept us going when things got tough and the one time I wasn’t there to do that was when it all fell apart. That she regrets everything that happened.”

“And do you think that any of that is true?” asked Kate.

“Sometimes I would go and see her at work and would be amazed at how authoritative she could be, sometimes it bordered on belligerent and even though I got occasional glimpses of that at home somehow I always loved her more for her faults, not despite of them, and besides, you have no idea how hot she was when she was in full on taking on the world mode.” Tina was almost smiling now at the memories of Bette at her most commanding.

“But anyway, yeah, I guess I really was the only one that she let her guard down with and sometimes that did make me the stronger one in the relationship but I needed her, more than she’ll ever know, and not just when I lost the baby but all the time and I do think that she regrets it, but that isn’t enough to make it all go away.”

“So, how did you leave it?”

“I said that I would call her when I was ready.”

“And are you?”

“Not tonight, but maybe tomorrow.” replied Tina.