The last few words were barely discernible to Tina as Bette was sobbing so hard that she could hardly get the words out. She felt her heart break all over again for Bette’s obvious distress but there was a hardness there that Tina had never felt before. It scared her that she could be, even a little bit, closed off from Bette’s pain. She tried to shake that feeling off as she attempted to take in everything that Bette had just said.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this at the time?”

“I don’t know. It was like I had no choice, like there was no escape.

“No Bette, we all have choices and you chose to ***** the hired help instead of rebuilding our lives together. I don’t know if I can do this any more, we just aren’t getting anywhere and it hurts to bring all of this stuff to the surface again.” Tina was crying herself now, only she wasn’t sure whether it was from anger or just sadness.

“Please T, don’t cry. I’m sorry. I never meant to let you down.”

“But you did Bette, in the most profound way. You know, after I met you I never thought I would have to be lonely again. Even when we were apart it was like I could still feel you, protecting me, loving me and now I’m so alone it actually physically hurts. You did that to me.”

“I still love you, please believe that.” pleaded Bette.

“You didn’t love me enough Bette, not when it really mattered, not when I needed you the most. Do you have any idea how little I thought of myself? I couldn’t even do something that countless women had been doing for centuries. You were supposed to make it all go away, not kick me when I was already down.”

“I know Tina, I know that was what I was supposed to do. Don’t you think that I regret it? I should have blown off the exhibition, stayed at home with you, looked after you, but instead of doing that I decide that I’m going to be the great Bette Porter, after all I’m the strongest person everyone knows right?”

“Oh, how the mighty fall.” said Tina ruefully.

“I had further to fall than most.” replied Bette quietly.

“We both did Bette. We created an image of ourselves that hadn’t been true for a long time. I loved you, more than I ever thought that it was possible to love someone and I thought that this was the secret that would get us through. I forgot that sometimes you have to work at it, relationships need nurturing and we didn’t do that or maybe it was that we were so happy for so long maybe a little pain was overdue.”

“You don’t honestly believe that?”

“I don’t know what I believe any more.”

There was a brief moment where neither woman spoke, collecting their thoughts about the conversation that had just transpired between them, both unsure as to where it left them.

“Bette, it’s getting late here. I should go.” said Tina, breaking the silence.

“Can I call you?” asked Bette, hopefully.

“No. Let me do this on my time Bette. Please don’t push me. When I’m ready I’ll call you.”
“OK, but…..”

“But nothing Bette. Try to be patient.”

“I’ll will try, and besides there is a first time for everything.”

“I hope so. Goodbye Bette.”

“Bye T. Don’t keep me waiting.”

Tina sat on the edge of the bed replaying the conversation over and over in her head. Sometimes she was still so angry with Bette that she could barely confine it but somehow there was still comfort to be found in hearing Bette’s voice. As she pushed herself off the bed she said to herself.

“Let it go Tina, let some of the hurt go.”