” It seems that time was not on our side Ms.Porter….relapses usually happens a year after remission but, i’m afraid it didn’t in Ms.Kennard’s case. It was about five months since remission so it wasn’t that unusual, what disturbs me is how prsogressive it got until the symptoms came to a head a few days ago…we did the autopsy and…im afraid it was a relapse but this time it came back with a vengeance and relocated in tina’s cranium, near the frontal lobe specifically. This made pressure on her brain squeeze the frontal lobe and this explains the strange behaviour your daughter said happened. Im so sorry Ms.Porter…….”

 It might as well have been duck language to Bette….quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack. The Duck Doctor waddled out the small little room and left Bette by herself. The world seemed stranger. It was a strange world. Unfamiliar. there was nothing to live for, nothing. Wait…..Angelica. there was Angelica. Angelica was a part of Tina, Angie IS Tina. Live for her live for her. It was these kind of thought that had been hanging over Bette’s head like a lucid plague hammering down pain upon her. It was a salty painful ocean. And it was strange really. It didn’t feel like Tina was gone. No it didn’t feel like that at all. What did it feel like?….It felt only like an absence. Tina was only on a trip, only a trip that’s all. She would be back. She would be…..that’s all it was. A strange feeling went through her and Bette almost burst out laughing. The guilt made her double over. Some people said in times of loss the urge to laugh is weirdly great. Bette composed herself. Tina was gone. She was not coming back.

 Certainly Bette was now much more composed than those past few terrible days. Angelica was the strong one. amazingly she seemed to have gained some superpower of mental…strength. She held Bette when she could not hold herself. She wiped the tears away when Bette could not wipe them herself. She fed Bette when Bette  forgot she had a stomach. She stayed with Bette when she knew the epitome of loneliness. But Bette felt still a detachment, maybe from theis world maybe from those around her…..because Tina was really the only one who was there. In the sense that she knew Bette inside out so well that  now that she was gone….Bette was truly alone.

 Bette let herself out the room and stood in the hospital threshold looking at Angelica. She was sitting on the waiting wooly chairs reading a magazine. But her eyes were not moving, no they were staring in one place. And little salty waterdrops were dripping from those large black eyes. Bette felt herself strengthen and stepped forward. Angelica startled quickly wiped her grief away..Jesus she was trying to be strong, her daughter was trying to be strong for her. Bette went over and sat down, took Angelica in her arms…she quickly reduced into a pudding of shakings and sobbings. It was so rare for Angelica to cry.

 Bette did not like to think about that moment of time. That moment when it was confirmed to Bette that she knew nothing of cruelty till that time. That time Bette understood how life was a sack of *****. She had stepped into the room after Angelica disturbly told her that Tina was saying really weird things and asked for her. So Bette went…quickly. And she stood only for a second before rushing to the bed. The hot chocolate Tina was holding was on it’s side….the hot brown liquid stained the white bed in a grotesque blotch.  Tine was holding on with one stiff finger, the mug was on it’s side. It was staying there. Bette’s entire body was a frenzy of raw nerve endings and twitches, it was like her muscles were moving of their own  accord. She got to the bed and climbed across to where Tina was lying impossible still. Gulping a deep airless breath Bette took a hold of Tina’s shoulders….Bette had then said things so softly. Now Bette wondered how she had said anything at all. She had shaken Tina gently at first, getting increasingly more frantic and violent as minutes went by and Tina did not respond.       “Tina wake up…….T…..T….wake up….Tina……wake up wake up…..T…..wake………….up…………..tina please…………..please…….T…………….wake up…………….wake up”.