What was Kirsten feeling? She really didn’t know…..she felt numb. She loved her mother but not in the way most daughters loved their moms. She cared for her mom, was thankful hat her mother carried for nine months then endured all the pain in the world to squeeze her out, thankful that her mom fed her and sheltered her. Basically all the mechanical stuff. But that was the extent of it, try as she might, and she did try…Kirsten could bring herself to love. Love her mom she could not. That is why she was so moody….so quiet-like but god was she grateful to be in the company of Bette Porter. The woman looked fine tonight and knew what it was like to lose someone. But she didn’t know what it was like to lose someone whom one did not love. Now Kirsten wanted get her little sister more than ever.

 And what was Bette feeling…what was she thinking? She was think of Tina…this sad song reminded her of Tina. When Bette was in the mood Kirsten was previously in, only previously because now she was laughing and smiling but Bette knew she was hiding some pain but she didn’t know what, she would put her head in T’s lap. Tina would be on the sofa reading or doing some sort of crossword puzzle and a down Bette, a darkened sad numb Bette would sit beside her and rest her head on her beloved;s lap. There Tina would stroke Bette’s cheek and hair and kiss the tip of her nose.

 At one point Kirsten and Bette looked at each other at the same time. Both persons just looking. But they stayed that way…looking at each other, really looking. Not through each other like most ***** do these days, always waiting for their turn to speak their turn to shite. Really looking, and feeling each other, feeling each other’s emotions out. And how they fit, right then Bette knew her and Kirsten really fit. Slowly slowly though, she still felt the pain of tina, real love for Tina that somehow made her feel faithful physically.

 For the next three hours, Angelica was at a sleep-over, Kirsten and Bette talked about childhood dreams….”I swear Bette I swear that when i was a wee girl the thing i most wanted to be was a beekeeper!” Bette snorted her coffee all over the wooden table…”a beekeeper!!!”   “That’s right…a beekeeper…figured if i could live a life where i was surrounded by stingers but did not get stung, nothing could be further from paradise”