The morning light was caressing Bettes features as she was peacefully sleeping on the chair. Watching her, imagining how uncomfortable she must be, Tina smiled. Seeing Bette there, with her, was something she missed. She missed waking up knowing that Bette was at her side. Seeing Bette asleep, Tina remembered the first time they slept together.



….They have been dating for almost two weeks by then. With Bettes busy schedule they didnt see ach other every day but they were certainly talking with each other daily. They were getting to know each other, spending some time together doing regular things like dinners, going to the movies and even one night Bette helped Tina with the laundry. It wasnt fancy or exciting but dating a women was new to Tina and to her surprise, Bette understood it perfectly. She was comfortable taking it slow, easy, not forcing things.
But then one day, they were supposed to meet after work and Bette never showed up. Tina waited for her at the caf for almost two hours, and then not only hurt but very confused she went home. By the time she arrived home another hour passed and Bette still was nowhere to be found. She wasnt answering her phone and she was not at work either. At first, Tina got a little worried, imagining horrible creepy car accidents, then, as the night was covering the lights on the street, she started getting mad. It wasnt just that it was nerve racking to be wondering it was that as Tina hoped, Bette just forgot about their date and that was almost as bad as imagining an injured Bette.

By the time Conan was starting with his monologue, Tina heard a knock on the door. Thinking it was her imagination as she was dozing off by then, she forgot about it, concentrating on Conan talking about Di Caprio and the sinking of the Titanic. But then another knock got Tinas attention. Walking to the door she wondered who could it be.

“Who is it?” she asked before opening the door.

“Is me…Bette” answered Bette with a deep strange voice. Checking her wrist watch, Tina sighed deeply before opening the door. Leaning on the doors frame, with a strange look on her face, Bette tried to smile.

“I…”

“Is late Bette..I was asleep” Tina lied, being thankful to see Bette alive and well, but feeling angry just by watching her standing there.

“We…we… we were suppose to meet… righhht?” Bette whispered, carrying the letters making obvious her drunken state.

“You are drunk…” Tina muttered, trying to tame the anger that was eagerly growing inside.

“Yesss…am afraid I am…”Bette mumbled, stepping inside, clumsily bumping into Tina.

“May I come in?”she added.

“Come on in” Tina said closing the door behind her.

Turning to look at Tina, Bette said,

“Amm sorry…I really am…I…”

Walking to the kitchen Tina let Bette talk. She didnt want to say anything, she was mad and losing her patient. Opening the cabinets, ignoring Bettes clumsy pace, Tina started preparing coffee.

“Coffee…good…” Bette mumbled heavily sitting down on one of the kitchen chairs.

Removing her jacket, letting it fall on the floor, Bette placed her arm on the table. Slowly caressing the cloth, she stared at Tina for a couple of quiet minutes. Watching Bette there, quietly looking at her was driving Tina insane but she didnt want to make a scene, she just wanted Bette to go home and leave her alone.

“You know…my life was good… I was happy…”

“Good…” Tina stated, turning to check the coffee.

“I was happy…I had a job… friends…and now…”

Bette said standing up, her balance, unstable, the look on her eyes softer with each thought she was voicing.

“…now… “she continued, her arms waving around, embracing the kitchen.

“..now…I have you…isnt it insane?…” she asked sitting down again.

Surprised, very confused by Bettes words, Tina turned around to face her.

“Glad to know how you feel about me… “she whispered, unsure of what to say, of what Bette was saying or tying not to say

“I…Ive read about this…” she continued, pointing around, to no one in particular

“…Ive read about it in the classics…Ive seen movies about this…” She added, lost in her inner search.

“…But then…”

Pouring the coffee, Tina placed the mug on the table. Seeing how lost she was in her speech, Tina sat at the other side of the table, quietly waiting for her to continue.

“..THEN!….”

Bette yelled looking up, looking around trying to find Tina.

“..Then… “she added, locking her vague eyes with Tinas icy ones.

“…then…nothing prepares you for this..nothing!”

Standing up, she moved closer to Tina.

“…nothing prepared me for you..”she whispered, sitting on an imagined chair.

Falling on the floor, she sat there with her head between her legs. Sighing deeply, she looked up, and resting the face in her hands, she added,

“…nothing…I…I didnt expected to find you…and now…now I dont know what to do….” The words, the desperation, the need painted in her face as she hid it in her hands.

Gulping, amazed by Bettes drunken words, by their meaning by what she was blunderingly saying, Tina sat on the floor at Bettes side. Quietly, unsure of what to say to her, she sweetly caressed her bare arm.

“You have to do nothing Bette…you dont need to do anything…I…I am here..”

Tina whispered, caressing Bettes curly hair.

Nodding, completely defeat, Bette looked up at Tina.

“I..I think I love you…”she whispered.

Feeling her whole body tensing, her insides tightening, her hands trembling, Tina gulped again. She didnt know what to do, what to say. But quickly, without letting time mess with them, she put Bette into a big hug. Kissing her on the cheek, she whispered I love you too, sure as she was that Bette was not hearing her.

After a couple of minutes, Tina managed to help Bette stand up and carefully, with sweet words and tender hands, she carried her to her bedroom. By the time she was back from the bathroom with an extra pair of pjs, Bette was already in bed peacefully sleeping.
Tina went to bed kissing Bette goodnight and woke up loving see at her side. By the time Bette woke up, she didnt remember anything, she was all apologies and guilt and blamed Alice for her drunken state. Tina accepted her apologies and life went on as if nothing happened but that morning, Tina realized, that she was falling in love with the mysteriously shy woman who pretending to be a professional, a grown up, a woman of the world, needed to get drunk to be able to tell her she loved her.



Watching Bette now, sleeping in that uncomfortable hospital chair, Tina had to smile. It was easy to forget, to get use to others behaviour only to forget their real self.
Checking Lily in her crib, Tinas smile grew even bigger. Sighing, feeling happy and exhausted, she tried to jump off the bed. Forgetting about her state she enthusiastically moved her legs till she felt her sore muscles aching. Moaning, trying to stop the groan coming out of her mouth, biting her lip she closed her eyes trying to concentrate, she didnt want to make too much noise, seeing Bette and the baby sleeping. But her concerned started a bit too late as Bette was already opening her eyes.

“Hey…hey…you ok?…you need anything?” Bette asked quickly at her side.

“Yeah…I need to go to the bathroom…” Tina said, as Bette at her side was rubbing her sleepy eyes.

“Ok…let me help you… “Bette said holding Tinas hand while moving her sore neck.

“You ok?” Asked Tina noticing Bettes gesture.

“Yeah…am perfect…”

Smiling, Tina nodded, loving Bettes lie. There were some things that never changed, she thought to herself. Bette pretending to be strong and perfect being one of them.

Helping Tina sit on the toilet, Bette, casually, turned around. Smiling, noticing the gesture, Tina said,

“Bette…(she chuckled) look at me.. you dont have to turn around…”

Turning, Bette shyly smiled.

“youve seen me like this a million times…not my best moment but…”

Nodding Bette sweetly smiled staring at Tina. After a few long seconds, kneeling down, stopping just at Tinas height, she said,

“You cant imagine how much Ive miss these little details… moments like this…”

“I know…”Tina whispered, removing the hair from Bettes sleepy face.

Standing up, noticing her image on the mirror, Bette sighed by the look on her face. Shrugging, not really caring what she looked like, she looked down to Tina.

“You look beautiful…” Tina whispered, taking Bettes hand.

“Yeah, right” Bette chuckled.

“You do..you are too thin thou…” She added, caressing Bettes hips over the jeans.

Nodding, Bette smiled loving the fact that Tina noticed.

Washing her hands, Tina said, looking at Bette through the mirror,

“You think we could go home today?”

Shrugging, Bette shook her head.

“I dont know…Ill ask Dr Wilson” she nonchalantly said, trying to hide her real thoughts.

Noticing the look on Bettes face, sensing something was bothering her, Tina moved her still wet hand to take Bettes.

“What?” She whispered.

“Eh?.. nothing…is nothing?” Bette whispered shaking the head. Offering Tina the towel, she forced a smile on her face.

“Bette…tell me…” Tina begged, drying her hands without moving her eyes from Bettes.

Taking Tinas hand, helping her walk back to the bed, Bette whispered, unable to hold her stare.

“Which home you want to go to?”

Stopping the pace, turning to look at Bette, with a confused and surprised look on her face, Tina said,

“Your home…our home… I…”

She stopped talking realizing what Bette was really asking. Walking towards the bed she thought about it. Sitting on the bed, still holding Bettes hand, she added

“I… Bette…I didnt even thought about the apartment…I mean…I know is there…maybe is too soon…I just assumed…I didnt think about it…didnt remember it…we… we could wait if you want….”

Clumsily placing her wounded hand on Tinas lips, stopping the words coming out of her mouth, Bette said,


“Shhh..wait…listen…there is nothing more Id love that having you back home…I want you there…I want you both there…I just didnt know what you wanted…I..I still dont know where we are…I dont know our grounds…I ..didint want to presume…

“Are you sure?” Tina mumbled, carefully taking Bettes wounded hand in hers, unable to move her eyes from Bettes watery eyes, from her trembling, sad lips.

Nodding, sitting on the bed, Bette held Tinas look for a long time before whispering after a deep long sigh,

“Ive been sure since the day you left”

Staring at Bette, thinking about her words, Tina smiled. Then, lightly shaking the head, she moved her hand to caress Bettes cheek. She needed the contact, to feel her, to sense her.

“Thats not true…” she whispered, looking into Bettes eyes, waiting for her reaction.

Breaking the contact briefly, Bette sighed only to lock her eyes with Tinas again. Feeling the abyss opening, ripping her heart again, she mumbled,

“Are we going to have this conversation now?”

Shrugging, unable to move her eyes from Bettes, feeling her whole body tensing, Tina nodded.

Sighing, Bette closed her eyes for almost a minute. She didnt want to go there, she didnt want to remember the nightmare again, but on the other hand, she wanted too. She wanted to tell Tina, to share the pain, the haunted memories. Opening her eyes again, looking at Tina in the eyes, she whispered,

“…The moment you left I fell into the deepest, darkest hole…I…I did what I did afterwards just to stay alive…”

Unaware of her lips trembling, her words breaking, Bette looked down for a second. Then, looking up again she continued,

“I…I know we will have to talk about all that…(she gulped)…and we will…but not yet…please…”

Nodding, trying to breath, Tina gulped.

“….since the moment you left…in my darkest moments…all those nights…all those lonely mornings…all I ever really wanted was having you back”

Unaware of the tiny tears running down her face, Bette sighed again before adding,

“…I… I told you Tina…am nothing without you…I…I wake up every morning because I know you do too…I breathe because I know you do that too…I… I know this sounds silly, like some dialogue from a cheap movie…but is true…I..when am without you, I just exist..I need you…”

The words coming out slowly, painfully carrying the tears the memories were bringing. Nodding, feeling her lungs relaxing, Tina pulled Bette into a hug.

“Shhh…is ok…I know…”

Hiding the face on Tinas neck, getting lost in the hug, in Tinas tender arms, Bette added,

“I.. I know I failed you…I did…but I never, ever stopped loving you…”

Caressing Bettes head, feeling her trembling shoulders, Tina broke the hug, needing to see her face, needing to see the look in her eyes as she was saying those words. Closing her eyes, unable to hold Tinas stare as she was feeling the words coming to her lips, Bette whispered,

“…I…I just forgot to remember…”

Nodding, feeling the tears running down her face, Tina leaned forward, aching for Bettes lips, for her courage, for her honesty. Resting her lips on Bettes, tasting the salty secrets, the painful memories, she thank god for second chances.