“Ok, Porter, spill.”

Bette found herself still enjoying the fact that she spent part of the morning close to Tina. Now, even though Tina had left, Bette didn’t want that feeling to end. Alice seemed to have other ideas. “Spill?”

“You and,” Alice tilted her head towards where Tina had been seated, “Ms. Thing.” Alice leaned forward, making her voice lower, more conspiratorial. “Is something up with the two of you?”

Something up? That was such a monumental understatement. Bette’s thoughts immediately were flung back a day to her post-appointment time with Tina.

Although referring to it merely as ‘time with Tina’ minimized what had happened. For Bette, what happened was anything but minimal. Rather, it was huge, it was exceptional, and she still had yet to determine if it wasn’t possibly an error on an equally colossal scale.

After all, it wasn’t just Tina. And Bette knew that despite her words that, again, minimized the experience to Foxworthy, the encounter wasn’t just *****. The two of them had made love.

And they had made love in such a way that the connection that had always been between them on a physical level was not just confirmed, but possibly strengthened. The connection was almost tangible, like a charged field. Bette was amazed that there were actual sparks flying between her and Tina as the two of them sat at breakfast this morning.

With Tina beside her, Bette was wondering how much showed on her face, how much was she revealing about her feelings for this woman. She had hoped that Alice would be so wrapped up in her own life, her own relationship, that such things would simply pass her view.

Apparently not.

So now, what does one say? Discretion and privacy were two things that Bette had always prided herself upon. Yet half of her felt like singing the wonders and praises of Ms. Tina Kennard. The other half of her wished that she’d suddenly develop amnesia or contemplated just packing up and moving, leaving all of this behind. It was this essential conflict that Bette knew to be a core issue.

Still, she couldn’t help but dwell upon this event. So familiar in many ways, but new and terrifying in others. There was so much that was Tina, it was like being home after a long journey, back to the safe and the comfortable. But it was a home that had undergone significant remodeling. The physical changes were one thing to see, but quite another to feel, and to explore. Added to that was Tina’s newfound confidence in the bedroom. Bette found herself not guiding, not controlling as she once did, but being led and being controlled. And she willingly let Tina be her guide, feeling trust that this woman that she loved would keep her safe.

These were the changes that Bette found the most terrifying. What if all of this meant that she truly had lost Tina? If Tina no longer required her, no longer depended upon her, what was left for them? Or was Bette just being selfish, wanting Tina as long as it was the same Tina that had left their house so many months ago. Wanting Tina as long as it was a Tina she could control, could guide, and would depend upon her to give and to guide when the two of them were intimate.

If things had changed so much, then their life together was truly gone. Could another one be formed? It was this level of fear and uncertainty that led Bette to lie and tell Foxworthy that she wasn’t sure that she wanted Tina back.

But she did want Tina back. That much was confirmed yesterday.

The real question, did Tina want her back? Did she want to be with Bette, or did she just want to be with someone, and found Bette present, available, and quite willing.

Of course Bette knew that Tina was in a relationship with Helena. She had done her best to not speculate on the nature of that relationship. The mere thought of such a thing, of Helena not just with Tina but with their baby, was enough to drive her insane.

Still, how many of Tina’s changes were due to Helena? How much of her new confidence, her new faith in herself had to do with what Tina was sharing with that other woman.

Bette had confessed that she had felt another’s presence on Tina while the two of them made love. She wondered if Tina had felt a similar presence on her. At the time, Tina hadn’t been aware of Bette’s outside involvement. Could she still sense that something was off? Could she feel that other presence? Bette’s felt cold, knowing that she had done this to Tina, now feeling what it was like to be on the receiving end.

But the cold feeling couldn’t last, not in the remaining afterglow of her time with Tina. It always came back to Tina. Wondrous Tina.

From that first hug, Bette could feel her heart racing. And then Tina’s finger on her lips, followed by that kiss. That soul-searing kiss.

Later, Tina’s finger again on her lips. She could taste herself. Like so many times in the past, the two of them joined in ways that seemed so complete.

The experience was beautiful, and it was breathtaking. It broke Bette’s heart. But this time, the knowledge that she had been able to love Tina kept the pieces safe, and protected. The experience showed Bette that it was possible that she and Tina might once again be.

But if did didn’t happen for them as a couple, there was the baby.

Bette had realized, now more than ever, that they couldn’t be both co-parents and lovers unless they were in a real relationship. For the sake of their child, they needed to forge something stable.

Yesterday’s bonding, yesterday’s *****, was anything but stable. It was primal. It was a force that could shatter them both.

While they remained apart, it was not a force that would add anything to the child’s existence but chaos. As much as Bette wanted and needed Tina, she could not be with Tina if the result would harm their child.

But this strength, this power. What if they were together? Then, it would be a force that they could use to repair each other, to bring them back to themselves.

Bette could feel that now. There was such a strength there in Tina. Reconnecting with her wasn’t something to be frightened of.

Not that the depth of what she felt for Tina wasn’t something terrifying, and frightening on many levels. But that was just due to the magnitude of it all. Tina’s strength wasn’t a threat, it was a base upon which they could build. Upon which they could grow.

Understanding this, Bette knew that she hadn’t just reconnected with Tina, but she had fallen in love. Whether it was in a way that was new or a way that was deeper, more mature, she wasn’t certain. But it was love, and it was Tina.

It was possible.

Bette’s deep brown eyes brightened with unshed tears. “I felt our baby, Alice. This was the first time. Not only did I see her, but I felt her move.”

Alice sat back, her eyes narrowed.

It was fairly clear to Bette that Alice wasn’t buying this story, but Bette really didn’t care.

Things were too sensitive. Bette could feel a tipping point approaching. Her time was coming, and she would have a chance, maybe just one, but a chance to return to her proper place as Tina’s wife.

All she needed to ruin that was Alice telling tales to Tina, shattering the reason that Bette had found for Tina to trust her, and it would all be over. It would all be lost.

Rather than try to explain further, Bette returned to sipping her coffee. She gave Alice an enigmatic smile, and returned to basking in that feeling of love.

(the end)