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Tina – Plan B, pt. 22
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“Oh God, Alice, have I done?”
I slumped into a chair at what was now Lytton’s, formerly the Planet. The reality of it all had hit me this morning, and I called off work, needing just a day to think about everything.
I think better when I’m talking to someone else.
“You did what you wanted to do?” She phrases it as a question, but it sounds that she’s far more tentative than that she really wants an answer.
“But was that the right thing to do?” What I wanted to do, exactly. As if I were at a point in my life with no obligations, no responsibilities.
She sipped at her latte, not ready to answer that one.
I can’t blame her, since the answer hasn’t appeared to me, yet, either.
Finally, she set her drink down. “Ok, if there was nothing in this world besides you and Bette, would you want to see her.”
I looked up at the ceiling. If there were nothing else in this world, not only would I want to see her, but I think neither of us would notice. “Yes.”
“And if we added in Jess?”
This is where it starts getting complicated. I let out a breath. “Right now, Jess hates her.” I used my fingers to put air quotes around ‘hates.’
“Tina, Jess doesn’t even know her.”
“True. But she’s not letting that stand in the way of rash and impulsive decisions.” Leap first, look maybe. That’s my girl.
“I’ve got a clue on the reasons,” I explained. “But I think most of all, Jess is afraid of someone else entering our lives. She’s afraid of changes that she can’t control.”
“And you?”
I’m tempted to say that I’m afraid of Bette. But I’m not. Not exactly. I’m afraid of opening myself to Bette. I’m afraid of being vulnerable to Bette. Most of all, I know this time, if Bette hurts me, she won’t hurt just me. She’ll hurt Jess. Is it fair to make that choice for my daughter?
“I don’t know, Alice. I feel like I did the ‘impulsively starting a relationship’ thing with Bette once.” I realized that I’d been shredding my napkin. I wadded the thing up and tossed it aside. “Look what happened then.”
“Look what happened after what, over eight years?”
I shrugged.
“And one daughter.”
Alice, again, was making a good point.
“Tina, don’t you realize how few people get even that?”
“But you know what it did to us, to each of us, when it all fell apart, Alice. I won’t I can’t go through that again.”
“Life doesn’t come with guarantees, TK.”
She’s got me there. Life’s not safe, and it’s not predictable. Neither is Bette Porter.
And still I’m trying to make sense of all of this. “It’s like, there’s so many reasons I should just say no.”
“But”
“But, it’s Bette.” As if that explains enough. Alice is one of the few people for whom I think it almost does.
I crossed my legs and leaned forward. I feel like the weight of this decision is almost physical, pressing on me, weighing me down.
“Then again, she knows she has me. We know each other too well.”
“You think she’s been manipulating you?”
That seems so nefarious. “Not exactly.”
In New York, I know I gave her an opening. “I told her when I went to collect Jess that I shouldn’t have had to call my wife home. I guess she figured if she came home on her own, it’d be ok.”
“Even though it’s about fifteen years later.”
Yes, Alice. Even though. “It’s Bette.”
We remained in silence for a few moments. “So she’ll be here Saturday?”
“Yes. Well, Friday, we have plans for Saturday.”
“So who else is she seeing?”
Those words struck straight through my heart. I guess my face must have mirrored my reaction, as Alice quickly grabbed my hand. “Tina, honey, that’s not what I mean. I meant what kind of business.”
“I know.” I picked up the napkin wad and dabbed at my eyes. “But even now, that’s still the issue, isn’t it?”
“You don’t think she’s actually seeing someone else now.”
“No, I don’t. But the issue remains trust. Honestly, can I trust her?”
“I’d like to promise you that you could.” Alice gave my hand another squeeze before letting go.
But it’s Bette. I know. And no one can control her actions except for Bette. And then only if she chooses to.
Then a thought came to mind that was so absurd, it actually made me chuckle.”
“What?”
“You know, at one point, I actually thought I’d get over Bette.” For many years I didn’t realize the extent to which I did, actually, miss Bette. For all these years, I’ve lived with a substitute in miniature. So different, yet not in all ways. One could easily believe they’re related.
“What happened?”
I leaned back. What did happen? So many little things that finally, it just all made sense. “I stopped lying to myself.”
“That’s when you pretty much stopped dating.”
She got me there. “I haven’t exactly been a nun, Alice.”
“Yeah, but you haven’t exactly been maximizing your potential as a free agent, either.”
Not that I ever was dating that much, anyway, with my daughter. But, initially, I thought perhaps I could find a woman who would at least start to complete our lives. I soon realized that any missing piece of our life would have to come back by her own choice.
And, while I would go on at least a few dates with any woman who showed sufficient interest, for some reason, they were never quite right. For some reason I’d rather not name, that is.
“So this weekend, the three of you? Or are the plans for something more intimate.” The last bit Alice tacked on in her teasing way.
I’m dodging this one. “It’s at least Bette and I. I’m hoping Jess will relent and join us.”
“What does Jess have planned? Hot date with Luis?”
Luis. She hasn’t spoken too much about him lately. “Im not sure, exactly. We’re still negotiating.”
“So if she’s got her hot date, then you’ve got yours?”
“Alice.”
“I’m just saying. You’re still a good looking woman, Tina. And I’m sure Bette”
Alice finally got a glimpse of what Jess refers to as my mom-glare. I did not need anyone telling me how good Bette Porter looks. I’ve seen that for myself. Recently. First hand.
All I could think of is how easy it would be to pursue intimacy with Bette, and what an utterly disastrous course that would be.
“If Bette and I choose to do anything,” how should I phrase this, “that indicates a more serious relationship, it won’t be without a lot of talking first.”
“Uh huh. In that case, maybe you should just pay Jess to be your chaperone.”
“Alice.”
“You can tell me that you’re just going to look, TK. But will it be that easy if it’s the two of you alone?”
I feel myself start to hyperventilate again. This was not why I came out with Alice. Perhaps I should have invited Shane, instead.
What would it be like if it were just Bette and I?
I’ve thought about her more lately than I have in years. After seeing her, those thoughts have been more and more erotic, and arousing.
“Oh God, Alice, have I done?”
(tbc)
(Your input requested; do the two different stories work for you, or should I change the names so that they’re all one title?)
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No, the 2 titles are fien with me… lets us know what to expect. – BRILLIANCE!! Please can we have some more???
Please keep the two perspectives – and the two stories – separate. For readers who may be missing out on one of these two this wonderful set of stories, perhaps you can direct them to the other series in your comments at the beginning or end of each of the parts. Can’t wait for the next supplement! Just wonderfully skilful storytelling.
psued – i wouldn’t change a thing…you handle the two stories very well, with both perspectives clear and keeping all of the details consistent. It give the stories a lot more depth by through the use of two first person perspectives.
i love it – its a great story.
love the two separate perspectives.
Wow! I haven’t even considered that option…I think maybe keep them separate-helps in getting a handle on the diff. perspectives & personalities of the characters. Whatever you decide is cool with me though, ’cause I’m such a sucker for anything that you post! This story is awesome! Thanks.
Love this story!!! You capture the conflicting emotions of the characters so well. Keep the updates coming, please!!!!!!!
to be honest I don’t look at the title I just look for your name. I love this stroy I wish you could post all day. I like how you are giving 3 ponts of view maybe you should do a alice point of view for this lunch I think it would be really funny. Great job I love this story even if I don’t comment all the time. And here it is for the 3rd time I love this story. Jess is wonderful and it great to see what they are thinking
It’s a great story and I am follwoing it ok……..maybe just missing Bette’s perspective
I agree with fortlw. The two different stories work for me. Keep up the good work! How about another post, of each, today?
I agree that the two person perspective is really great…I wouldn’t want to lose either one. However, I’m not quite sure why you can’t have both perspectives in the same story? People do it all the time with Bette and Tina’s perspectives in other stories. I understand what you are doing, but I also have to admit that it always takes me a moment to think…oh yeah, this is part of that other story. Your the author…your choice. One title, or two, it’s still a great story!
it works for me as it is, can’t wait for the big date on saturday and i bet, tina won’t be able to keep her hands off bette, so jess better stay home or have a date with luis
Keep going the way your going. Your doing great
Two title (maybe three shortly?) is great. Your stories are wonderful no matter what you title it.
Can’t wait for more.
Just keep going the way you have been. They are both great. I also agree with angelak, we would love Bette’s perpective. Please continue.
Oh, I am sooo happy – I wake up to find not one but TWO chapters…life is good.
I am enjoying the two separate stories. My vote it to keep them separate.
I think that you did a wonderful job of letting Tina’s confusion and fears come through. I think that Tina knows she really does want Bette, but her initial fears are realistic. It is about more than just her now.
Maybe you can have Bette and Tina go on their date and have Jess and her friend Jeri ‘accidently’ run into them (not noticed, of course) at like an ice cream shop. Maybe she could over hear Bette’s concern that Jess doesn’t like her and the fact that she really does want to have Jess in her life. Or maybe a huge barbeque with the whole gang and Jess can hear stories about them and how much they wanted a child, see how much love they all have for each other…bring Jess in closer to seeing that she’s not losing anything…she’s gaining the world! OK, I’ll stop now – after all it is your story and you should do what you like.
Thanks for making my weekend!
OK so i’m confused but it’s the meds. LOL… I do love them both. You know me I could read them daily. Thanks P.
I like the two different stories, but really would like to read some of Bette’s insight, fears, hopes, and maybe her version of what went down from her perspective. It seems that you’ve mastered both Tina’s and Jess’ perspectives, but haven’t even begun to delve into Bette’s. Why is that?
‘come on napoleon, give me some of your tots!’…he he….clearly a movie that was overlooked by the judges at the oscars…..i’m with CR00, i look for your name, so i’m for keeping the two perspectives…but do what you want because you are the writer and i, as a reader, will follow your every command. Hopefully bette doesn’t use ‘tina come get some ham!’ as a line when she’s out to dinner with her saturday. I love the fact that tina got a little jealous over the thought of bette seeing someone else…i love that bette can still get tina all bajigity….your writing is awesome….I love your story line and because i thank you…’i caught you a delicious bass’.
i dont know which kind of story i love most..i think i love both equal..lol..post soon please
Yeah, like CR00 I just look for your name. Do whatever suits you, I will be avidly awaiting your next chapter, however you decide to title or arrange it!
Ok I think you doing great and just keep doing what’s you doing right now don’t change anything and love the way you do now. Love 2 story, please keep conitune. Thanks! Good chapter!
“erotic and arousing” … Yes please, lol. I love both stories you are a Genius. Thank you
You don’t have to change. Two perspective is good. And i really love your stories. Great!!!
hey there- i would say do whatever works for you. i do admit to a bit of confusion as to which is which, but that is quickly remedied by looking at the previous chapter of the same title to see which perspective it is. i think one title for the two is totally doable, but as most others, i really just look for your name. whatever you decide to do is fine by me.