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Tina, Tiny Pieces Chapter 23
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I laughed at her haughtiness, at her arrogance, at her smugness. It was a bad idea, laughing. Her icy glare bore into me, her patience with me finished.
Do what you will, Tina, lately it seems you generally do. But for heaven’s sake, remember that while this may be something you kids take for granted, it is most certainly not a topic for Thanksgiving dinner.
Of course I didn’t go then. That wasn’t her fault, I was 100 miles away, she need never have known.
Hello?
A young chirpy but professional voice snaps me out my reverie.
Um, hello. This is Tina. Kennard.
These steps are small. To thousands, maybe millions, of people who every day share custody of their children with someone, my impending drive to Bette’s house would be routine. To others, a visit to a therapist, sitting in a strange office, offering up your problems – your very own problems – serving up your behavior for examination, for criticism, in the hopes of – relief?
Of change?
To those people, it would be nothing, as simple as a trip to the dentist.
Excuse me, Ms. – Kennard, was it? Are you calling to make an appointment?
To people like … me. To people like me it’s … I shake my head, silently cursing my own arrogance, refusing to finish my thought.
These steps are small but they are … sure. I don’t know where I am going, but I know this much: Today I will be to Bette’s by three. Tomorrow I will bring Angelica back to Bette’s. On Monday Helena will most likely give me some semblance of a severance. I will take it well, I will take it professionally, and on the way home I will hyperventilate and I will cry.
What I do when I get back here, unemployed, uncertain, responsible for this little girl, for myself … I draw in a ragged breath. I stop. Three days. I know enough for three days.
M’am? If you’re calling the San Fernando Valley –
I’d like to make an appointment. To see someone.
Are you a new patient?
I’m new at a lot of things. I’m new at living my life in three-day increments.
Apparently I’m new at not being perfect. It’s painfully obvious I’m new at looking in the mirror and not having a fucking clue who’s looking back.
It makes me profoundly sad to realize I’m new at needing someone — anyone — to talk to.
Yes. Soon.
Pardon?
Soon. Do you have something soon? Someone soon, I mean… I’d prefer … a woman, please. But I’ll take anyone. As long as it’s soon.
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I’ll read this another time as it’s late and I should head to bed, but I had to leave 1 little comment. When you said grid issues and those people would be hot, I was waiting for you to say they would be DEAD. My mind had drifted back to the early 1980s when AIDS was known as GRID. My bad. I certainly wasn’t trying to be funny as there’s nothing funny about GRID, HIV, and AIDS. Now I bid you and the readers a goodnight. I’ll probably read this when I’m bored at work in the morning.
Will Tina seduce the shrink? ha… I have no hope and feelings toward this TiBette. Give Bette Meg or Helena please, give her a person to love and to be loved.
Hurray! Tina turns the tide! Unless, of course, she wheedles out of it. I’ll wait until I see her stepping with Angelica through Bette’s door. Thanks!
It seems to me that Tina took more than small steps at the end of the chapter. Her self-assessment was clear-eyed and for once she didn’t try to shift blame. And then she called for an appointment. And kid? What’s with Alice and all the murmuring? Makes me think of a pop duo.
There truly is no end to your amazing talents. The inflections, the cadence and facial expressions of Alice leap off of the page with such realism that I have to do a double take just to make sure she’s not actually in the room with me! I saw this chapter being partly about trusting strangers….In essence, Tina is a stranger to Bette, she doesn’t really know who she is anymore and yet she must trust that she will show up with Angelica, that everything will work out…..For Tina, she is a stranger unto herself. She is so far removed from her true self that she must now trust a stranger to help her find her way back to the woman that she truly is and wants to be…..Poor Alice, her heart is raw and fragile and she is trying to find the strength to entrust it to someone she barely knows to help her feel alive and whole again…..I loved Tina’s conversation with her mother. We are able to see why she is so acutely concerned about what other’s think about her. just that brief conversation evinces that her mother was probably the one to instill Tina’s continual need for approval of others and why she cares so much about what others think about her…..I kept wondering if Angelica was secretly trying to choke some sense into Tina when she kept pulling at her necklace – that kid’s intuitive….Tina seemed to be using Angelica as a stepping stone to therapy and I think that was a crucial moment for her, subconsciously realizing that she really did need someone to talk to about her life choices. However, she still fell in to her old patterns of blaming others for her current situation, albeit not a vehemently as she had in the past…..Shane’s nescience about The Exorcist and particularly, Linda Blair, was hysterical. It’s funny, but it’s not because of ennui that Shane is not in the loop, it’s just that she is about the here and now – what she can see right in front of her. She is a willing foil to Alice and a tacit anchor for Bette. “A real head turner” – priceless!!…..Henry is still playing games, only his efforts are having less and less impact as Tina begins to adjust her myopic focus from herself to the bigger picture…..Words are powerful, they can console or they can cut – deeply. Alice’s need to aggrandize Karaoke was how a few casually made jibes became invectives towards the memory of Dana. Their words stung and they hurt a heart that was already on the edge. The power of words to inflict pain isn’t always at the command of those that say them, it’s how they are taken as well. Fortunately, the love and understanding of her friend’s were able to wipe away the umbrage…..There is a simple humanity within their group. They would die on the sword for each other and when one hurts, they all hurt……Bette’s ego has been battered and although she may not exactly want Helena’s advances, I suspect that she wants to know that Helena is drawn to her because it makes her feel good about herself. There was a fleeting moment where you almost got the feeling that she might be interested if things were different…..Bette is an old-fashioned polymath schooled in the arts, history and geography – you can almost hear her saying “Alex, I’ll take global potpourri for $600 please”…..It will be interesting to see whether Tina is willing to put forth the effort that will be necessary to bring about the change she seeks, or is she expecting some sort of therapy thaumaturgy where she gets ‘relief’ by being a bystander. I am heartened by the fact that she made the call willingly, is this the first sign that she may be eschewing her previous pusillanimous behavior? Tina feels imprisoned because her freedom, her peace, her autonomy and her self are just place holders for what she really wants – love. If she truly loves herself, then everything else will fall into place……Marvelous chapter as always Kid, positively pivitol in the larger scheme. A thousand cheers for your wonderful story!
Well..i just adore Tina. But i’m soo glad she’s seeking help. The fact that she’s finally doing so, is perhaps the biggest step of all. The turmoil within herself is sooo loud in this chapter. She’s not dreaming anymore, this is reality.Harsh,confused,heartbroken,alone,ashamed,sad,painful reality. She’s going to take Angelica to see Bette. which is courageous as well.To me, somehow it seems that B is waiting for T.Or maybe,i’ve got it wrong. Well, all i care is that in the end, Tina finds herself, and finally becomes at peace and HAPPY within herself and her daughter.
It’s a huge step for T to seek help. Glad she is finally seeing the light at the end of her darkness. I hope Bette can find the light in Angelica’s eyes. Love your story!
Oh hurray – Tina makes the all important call for help. I can’t wait until Bette sees the baby again. I’m all squishy about it. Love the story.
see kid im all caught up. did ya miss me? i see new and old commenters. the new musta heard just how good you are and how you make us crazed tibetters. excellent that tina may actually need help. that is the first step. so lets keep a going. thanks.
I am holding out hope for a TiBette reunion b/c I hate the thought of another BeLena story. The writing is so on point that you can visualize everything that is happening with these characters. I do want the strong Alpha Bette of S1 to return. Maybe being around Angelia will force her to take her life back.As for the heat, in SoCal huge black-out in LA due to everyone pumping the AC. I went to 2 HomoDepots and both were sold out of fans. I’m lucky i’m in Long Beach!
lastkid…you’re clever and funny as hell. But don’t break my TiBette heart not Belena….arghh. Tina is one effed up chick. I think she’s crazier in your story than mostly anywhere else, congrats! But keep the flow rolling.
can’t wait for bette and angie to see each other…i hope she remembers her mama B…
Okay, I know you don’t personally respond to comments, but please answer this: do you think of your hilarious author’s notes beforehand or is it, as it appears, stream of consciousness? I think the universe is a little unfair, no one should be as gifted as you in all areas of writing: comedy, heartbreak, dialog, etc. But I am glad you are and grateful you choose to share with us. One, no, two minor requests: please no BeLena and B&T together forever :).
At last…thank you for posting, love the tiny bits…I laughed at much of this and yet its so poignant…I like the sound of Helena but not with Bette, eh? Get Tina sorted please..get rid of Henry…such a bad choice for Tina but none of us is perfect in the choices/decisions we make…bring on the Tina-Angelica-Bette scene soon…
I was sitting here trying to figure out what the hell Alice’s problem was. It never dawned on me that she was thinking of Dana. I can’t pinpoint it, but for some reason Shane bothers me in this story. I’m hoping for some happiness between Bette and Angelica in the next chapter or so.
I am glad Tina is getting some help. If Henry listens closely…he can hear the fat lady singing in the distance…lol Tina & Bette have a long road ahead of them but I think something can come from it…if not but a friendship…but you know I want more. Please post soon. This is one of my favorite stories.
adoring this story… but please get our girls back together soon though… maybe in time for christmas??.x.x.
I have always loved your angst-ridden stories, but it’s your occasional injections of humor that just kill me sometimes. Bette’s ‘flight of stairs’ response was one of them. Thanx.
you just always amaze me. Your writing is brilliant and I think you are one gifted person. Now imagine the comments if you actually get this fucked up B & T fixed and back together. : ) oh…and I would never call you “simple”
glad you’re back. zenith temps have taken the fun out of summer. ditto Bailey on your talent level. Tina seems to be emerging from THE fog.realizing Bette needs to be in Angelica’s life and that she needs professional help are pivotal.Bette’s defenses and scar tissue are understandably deep, thick and perhaps entrenched. but perhaps they can amicably co-parent the baby. a worthy goal. sue
I only have this to say: THANK GOD TINA IS FINALLY GETTING SOME HELP!
I’m really glad Tina’s finally going to see someone, but, honestly, I just to see Bette happy, so if that’s with someone else, so be it… though Alice deserves a fair shake, too.